


Paranoia Never Looked This Good [Young Justice: Invasion] [2/3]

by JadedCreator



Series: Never Looked This Good [2]
Category: DC Animated Universe, DC Universe Online, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Gotham, Love, Mental Health Issues, Metropolis, Narcissism, Phobias, Revenge, Romance, Seduction, Semi-Canonical Character, young justice invasion - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-09-27 04:53:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 55,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9967328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadedCreator/pseuds/JadedCreator
Summary: In Book Two of the NLTG series, Pyrrha and the Light prepare for the invasion of the Reach. Kaldur'ahm's involvement with the Light proves dangerous for Pyrrha as her secrets and inner demons threaten to ruin everything she's attained.  As her suspicions of Kaldur'ahm and nightmares of her past consume her, Lex misreads the situation and sees the Atlantean as a threat to his relationship with Pyrrha. When he finally goes too far in an effort to controlher, Pyrrha finds herself torn between love and survival.While the Justice League and the Team are busy saving the world, who will save Pyrrha?





	1. Abandon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regina's kidnapping by Scarecrow that was hinted at in Book One is revealed, along with the toll it took on her psyche. Dick argues with Bruce that if Regina stays in the life, she will die because of him. We revisit Pyrrha in the care of her enemies, the Justice League, after her mysterious assassination attempt by her former organization, the Light.

_It seems like yesterday that I was nothin'_  
_Then all of a sudden I'm a volcanic eruption_  
_Then all of a sudden it's like spontaneous combustion_

**Team Year Three**  
**GOTHAM**  
**Oct 3, 23:00**

"Jet, you got this?" Batman asked as we walked to the Batwing. I hid my excitement as I loaded my utility belt with my newly-invented nanobots and pulled out the special necklace from Zatanna.

"Yep," I fastened the charm around my neck. "Find the canisters, attach the bots so they can neutralize the ions, then hightail it."

"And remember, Jet, the most important weapon in your arsenal will be your ability to adapt." He stopped in front of the Batwing and gripped my shoulder. "This is a big day."

"Aw, c'mon," I joked, embarrassed. "It's just a mission. That I'm... doing alone."

"You're ready," he smiled very slightly. I've never seen Bruce really smile except for maybe when I catch him reading articles about Nightwing's work in Bludhaven. That was a story completely all its own. But this crack of a smile was for me and that's all that mattered.

One of my larger robots chirped excitedly, zooming out to me. I patted his hull. "Sorry, DJ. This is a stealth op. I can't take you but I'll be back tonight. We'll work on that faulty battery." He chirped sadly and hovered back to Alfred who waved us off.

Scarecrow was on one of his worst ideas yet. Normally, he played off of fears that were already inside a person's mind but he found he could condition someone into having a fear--any fear. We had finally found two locations where he was storing his stashes and we would have to split up and take care of them simultaneously.

A tiny part of me was actually curious about what would happen if he did hit me with his gas. Yeah, I disliked spiders, bees, and crocodiles but who didn't? I had no phobia-level fears as far as I knew. I literally grew up on Gotham's streets. Literally. Nothing scared me.

Batman dropped me off as we flew over my assigned location and I made my way into the warehouse. This was my first mission entrusted like this. I was getting ready to work on my own and this was my chance to shine. After finding the canisters, I attached my ion neutralizing nanobots to the sides and let them get to work.

"Man, I wish I could see Scarecrow's face when his gas has no effect on his victims," I whispered.

"Hopefully this face will do for now." Scarecrow slunk out of the darkness. Grabbing my gas mask, I wrapped it around my face just as he grabbed my arm and sprayed me point blank with his green Fear Gas. Kicking off of him, I scrambled away, slightly pumped at how quick my reflexes were with my mask.

I ran for my life and nearly made it out of the warehouse when a big goon grabbed me around the waist, tackling me to the ground, knocking off the gas mask. Crushing the small hollow black charm on my necklace, Zatanna's voice echoed out:

"Gnilrats Noitarumrum!"

I exploded into a hundred starlings, flying out of the goon's grasp and reconfigured into my form again just outside the warehouse door. I turned back at the bumbling baddies and laughed.

"Ha! You just got murmured! Yikes. I gotta get a better name for that." Then there was a loud crack and everything went black.

What they don't show on the news when the heroes beat the bad guys is how terrible it got, how ruthless the villains became. Just because we were kids meant nothing. In fact, to them it meant that we were easier to kill, to torture, to maim.

I woke up laying in a dark space stripped of my suit and gadgets. The sound of dirt began to pelt the wooden box I found myself in. Controlling my breathing, I bluffed.

"You think I can't get out of this?" I yelled. "I've been through worse, Scarecrow!"

But I hadn't. This was my first mission alone. I had no back up. And despite my love for martial arts and martial art movies, using a one inch knuckle bash was not yet in my repertoire of escapes.

"Oh, I know all about your case history, Regina Hayden." Scarecrow's increasingly muffled revelation made my blood run cold. "A perfect storm for athazagoraphobia."

"Atha-what?"

"Oh, fear of abandonment."

"Ha! You're a hack! I don't have that!"

"Not in my professional opinion. Abandoned as a baby. Abandoned as a child. Abandoned as a teenager. I bet you think Batman will save you but he'll abandon you too."

"You can't condition me, Doctor! He'd never do that!"

"Are you telling me? Or yourself? My fear gas hasn't even entered your box yet!" Adrenaline coursed through my body as I kicked around and hit a metal tube at the foot of the box connected to what I assumed was a Fear Gas canister aboveground. Panic flooded me as I realized he was going to gas me. I could've broken out before too much dirt trapped me in but he could have had goons waiting to kill me above. Or worse. He would put me back in.

"Batman will find me!" I bluffed.

"Oh, he'll find your suit with the homing beacon that has been activated hundreds of miles away but do you think he'll find you before your mind has completely slipped from your grasp? Fear is a teacher, young lady. The first one you ever had. It seems you've forgotten the lessons it taught you."

A hissing sound echoed through the tube as the gas began to flood in. I knew holding my breath was useless so I steeled up and resumed breathing normally while trying to think about happy things. The manor. Alfred's soggy breakfasts. Finding the Batcave for the first time. Batman smiling.

The images began getting fuzzy and I couldn't fight off the thoughts as they morphed from warmth and love into cold indifference. One by one the people I loved turned their backs on me. I wasn't good enough for my parents to love and keep me. I wasn't cute enough to be adopted. I wasn't enough for my parents to love me and keep me. I wasn't better than Dick. I wasn't prettier than Barbara. So they all turned from me and chose to leave me in the box. I was abandoned.

The images became too much and I screamed for help as the dirt kept piling on and piling on and piling on. I yelled for Bruce. For Dick. For Barbara. For Alfred. For my foster parents. For my parents. For the gods.

Soon the gas stopped. The dirt quit falling. My voice was gone and my knuckles, bloodied. So I stared into the black abyss and let my body be silent. I thought of my favorite song to maintain the slightest bit of sanity.

'Blackbird singing in the dead of night... take these broken wings... and learn to fly..." I hoarsely whispered. Over and over again I sang to myself as my box was repeatedly flooded with gas and my nightmare reappeared. I ran out of tears, my throat was on fire, my mind was gone and everything remained black.

**OUTSIDE IVY TOWN**  
**Oct 4, 05:10**

"Batgirl checking in," Barbara said over the radio as she flew the Batwing over a large field. "You have any leads?"

"Nothing," Nightwing sighed. "Batman said she could be anywhere in a five hundred mile radius."

"How is he?"

"He's Batman," he scoffed.

"And you?"

"I'm trying not to think about it." A silence passed between them but Barbara knew the talkative Dick Grayson would fill the silence if she left it empty. "She shouldn't have been alone. Batman trained me for years before I went on my own. She's only been here for a few months and he sends her off by herself. It's like he's trying to make up for me but he's going to get her killed. If she isn't already."

"Don't talk like that," Batgirl scolded. "You know Jet. It's going to take more than Fear Gas to take her out of the fight." A lone scarecrow in a field caught her eye. "Standby."

"You found something?"

"Not sure. I'm going in for a closer look." Barbara landed and hopped out. As she searched the site, she found a rudimentary setup of an empty canister and tube hooked on a timer over a freshly packed plot in the middle of a field. A muffled voice sang from beneath.

"Black... bird... fly... black... bird... fly..."

"She's here!," Barbara yelled into her radio. "I found Jet! Oh my God! Scarecrow emptied an entire canister on her!"

"We're on our way!" Nightwing said as she began to dig furiously.

Nightwing and Batman soon arrived followed closely by Commissioner Gordon. All began digging, telling Jet they were there but she only kept singing. They hit the top of the wooden box and Batman ripped it open.

Inside laid a shivering Jet Starling. Her hands covered in blood, her grey eyes were vacant, and her face was dirty and tear streaked. Gordon handed Batman a blanket and he laid it over her.

"The medevac is on its way." Gordon assured Batman. "As far as they know, a Jane Doe was found. Her identity will stay safe."

"Thank you," Nightwing said in Bruce's place as he stood, helplessly watching. Barbara placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Jet?" Batman whispered. He wiped her short black hair from her dirtied face. "Regina?" Her eyes found him but remained glazed. He glanced at the bloodied clawmarks on the inside of the lid. Batman shook his head and unable to find the words to comfort her, held her until the helicopter arrived.

**GOTHAM**  
**Oct 8, 09:30**

"She can't do this anymore," Dick whispered to Bruce as they stood outside of Regina's private hospital room as she sat staring out the window. "An entire canister, Bruce. Do you really think she'll be okay after this?"

"That's up to Jet," Bruce said quietly, crossing his arms.

"That isn't Jet Starling," he growled as he pointed at her. "That's Regina. That is an eighteen year old girl who was tortured for hours."

"She'll get over this." Bruce's eyes never left Regina. "She can't let the fear take control. You underestimate her."

"You overestimate her. You keep treating her like... me. She's not me. She'll never be me. If she stays in this life, she is going to die." Dick glared at his mentor but Bruce never took his eyes off of the despondent girl.

"I think you should leave." Bruce warned. Scoffing, Dick walked to Regina, kneeling as he took her hands.

"Reg?" He said softly, noticing her cold hands. Grabbing a nearby blanket, he draped it over her legs carefully and looked up at her only to see her blank, grey eyes looking back at him. "I'll be by tonight after my patrol, okay? Please try to eat something. For me?"

Her eyes stayed blank, breaking his heart. Dick stood to leave but felt a pull on his arm. Looking back, he saw Reggie had a hold of his jacket. She let go quickly and stared at her hand like it had acted on its own, then lowered it back into her lap and resumed staring out the window. Saddened, Dick walked out, not even sparing a passing glance at Bruce who remained as distant as Regina as he looked at the young protege with regret and fear.

**Team Year Six**  
**WATCHTOWER**  
**Jul 10, 20:50**

As I sat in the Terra Room of the Justice League's Watchtower, I stared at the scenery as I relived my worst memories. Looking down, I picked at my fresh bandages on my--well, everywhere. A few days ago, after a hit was placed on me, I had woken up in the care of my enemies. Or were they my allies now that I had nearly died at the hands of the Light? And what did that make me?

I had soared so high. Lead member of the Light, a beloved anti-hero, and partner to Lex Luthor.  How did everything go so wrong? As soon as I was healthy enough, I was going to make Queen Bee pay. I was going to make the Light pay. I was going to make Luthor pay.

Because when you kill a Sun God, you better make damn sure that she's dead.


	2. Gossamer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pyrrha meets with her criminal organization, the Light, and addresses her concern over her former leader, Kaldur'ahm. After the meeting she gets a welcome phone call from the man who stole her black heart.

__

_No more falling to pressure_   
_No more failing acceptance_   
_Throw all your hell towards the heavens_   
_Cause your voice is a weapon_

**Team Year Six**  
**SUICIDE SLUMS**  
**Jan 6, 17:00**

"Black Manta has given an update on our partner's competitors. Everything is moving smoothly and should be taken care of tonight," Vandal Savage announced over our telecommunication screens. "If successful, I recommend he be welcomed with open arms into the Light."

The group agreed except for me. My bright red eyes stared off screen as I was lost deep in thought.

"Reservations, Pyrrha?" Ra's al Ghul asked.

"While I believe Manta could be quite a powerful addition," I mused. "I believe we should talk about his son--Kaldur'ahm." I surveyed their expressions. The majority raised their heads in interest while a select few--namely Queen Bee and Klarion--could barely hide their utter distaste that I was even on their level. But I was there because I earned it and if my soul was eternally damned from how that came to be, they were going to respect me.

"You don't trust him," Savage determined my point.

"That is quite the accusation from our newest member," Queen Bee sneered. "On what grounds?"

Klarion smiled eerily wide. "She's just jealous she's not the only rogue Leaguer."

"One: I was never in the League." In my anger, my veins glowed bright red in contrast to my translucent skin. "Two: I've worked with Kaldur'ahm. Having him switch sides is suspicious, at best. It's like Superman deciding to become a loan shark."

"Well, tell us what you really think of us." Klarion pouted while petting a purring Teekl. Klarion and I had no love lost between us. To him, as to others in the Light, I was an outsider and still the kid sidekick of Batman despite being left for dead in Lex Luthor's care.

"No, she's right," Lex Luthor spoke up. "While we all agree Black Manta would be valuable in place of our last member, his newfound son has questionable loyalties. It would be wise of us to move forward cautiously."

"Or you're just backing up your girlfriend," Klarion snickered. My room flooded in my red light and fire began to flicker and flare from my skin. Teekl hissed in anger.

"We are not of your concern, witch," I warned. Klarion stuck his tongue out and I wanted nothing more than to burn it off.

"That's quite enough," Savage demanded and I noticed the slightest twitch of a smile on Lex's lips. "Luthor and Pyrrha have given no reason for us to believe their extracurriculars affect the Light's mission. What is your plan then?"

"I propose letting me see what I can dig up." I extinguished my flames. "Perhaps testing him as I was before letting him know too much. If he is a spy for the Team or the League, everything could fall apart very quickly."

"As I remember, you forcefully inducted yourself by blackmail," Queen Bee mocked. "We can't organize another massive attack as we did at your failure of an debut. My operatives are still angry that you took all the glory for 'protecting Metropolis'."

"Failure? Superman wasn't seen for weeks after I attacked him." My nails dug into the palms of my clenched fists.

"That issue aside, are you sure you aren't just being hard on your former leader?" Lex asked. I took a breath and released my clenched fists.

"If anything, that makes my judgement perfectly reasonable. I know him. I've lived with him." I could see Lex's jaw clench. "If anyone can find out the truth, it'll be me."

"Oh, I bet," scoffed Queen Bee. Klarion snorted.

"If you have a problem with me, you know where to find me," I snarled.

"That's enough," Savage said, exasperated. It was clear he was tired of our constant bickering every meeting. "After the situation with the competitors is taken care of, we will welcome Manta and I leave Kaldur'ahm's status to you, Pyrrha."

The screens turned off and I was alone in the dark, private room with my thoughts.

This was the year everything took off. With the aid of Gordon Godfrey and my 'Anti-Hero and Anti-Alien' initiative, public opinion had turned sour towards the Justice League. I had failed in my attempt to kill Superman and even my previous mentor, Batman, but it was no matter. They would be disposed of sooner rather than later and I would finally have my revenge on those who had allowed me to die in a near-catastrophic LexCorp explosion that would've taken out the entire US east coast. While the explosion ended up giving me energy based fire powers, salt was rubbed in my wounds when I found out Bruce Wayne had made an insider trading deal based solely on the information I had given him concerning the flaw in LexCorp's solar technology, profiting off of my death.

My phone began to ring making me smile as I came out of my thoughts. One good thing that came out of this--besides becoming a part of the Light--was Lex Luthor.

When I woke up after my death, or near death--it was never really clear if I died when I was sucked into the massive solar energy fireball--Lex Luthor's face was the first face these red eyes saw. While it started as a bitter partnership, a relationship grew between us. It began as being purely physical but as of a few nights ago we had confirmed to each other--in not so many words--that this was something more. In his words, we were 'Lost' in each other.

"How did I know you were going to call me?" I answered.

"Come over." His voice was deep and husky, making me light up a deep red in anticipation.

"What makes you think I wasn't already planning on flying to your balcony? But if you're going to start telling me what to do..."

"Darling, please don't tease."

"Fine. I'll be nice. I'll be over soon."

"Pyrrha?"

"Yes, Lex."

"You looked beautiful tonight." I lit up so brightly that light blue flames sprouted happily all over me. "Careful, Darling. You'll melt your phone ag--"

_Shit. That's the second one in a week._

 

**A/N: Changed the song.**


	3. Fracture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The nightmares begin for Pyrrha, reminding her of Audrey, the girl who died because of her. She visits Black Manta and faces off with Kaldur'ahm to secure her heirarchy within the Light.

__

_The danger is I'm dangerous_   
_And I might just tear you apart_   
_This is a bad town for such a pretty face_

Gasping, I woke up to darkness and could feel my breath bouncing back at me. My veins lit up a bright, glowing red and my heart felt like a stone in my chest as I realized I was in a box.

"No--No! Not again! Bruce!" I hysterically called out for my former mentor--and more recently, my enemy. A metallic drag echoed through a tube at my feet followed by a cloud of green gas. Panicking, I ignited myself and consequently, the gas, making the dirt above me implode and fill in the broken box, crushing me.

_I'm not dying this way!_

I calmed myself and dug my way up to the surface. Gulping in the cool air, I saw a blank headstone looming over me and on the top of it rested a tiny, familiar red breasted bird. Half buried in fresh dirt, I stared at the bird as it chirped in my direction as if it were trying to speak to me. I looked at it confused for a moment until it began panicking and screeching frantically. Screaming, it fell behind the stone. I scrambled out of the dirt and rushed to it to find it unmoving. Picking it up gently, my heart broke as I saw the small bird was bloodied, broken, mangled.

The fresh dirt I escaped from began to rumble as the broken robin began cracking and popping as it attempted to fix its broken body. Disgusted, I dropped it as it swooped up and flew up into the sky. I looked down at the grave, surprised to see that instead of a dirt mound, there was a hole that was too dark and too deep to guess the depth. I knelt down and lit my hand up to illuminate the hole, shooting a fire ball into the abyss. My hair stood on end as the light kept going and going until it was eaten by a rumbling black mass. The rumbling became louder until a torrent of black birds shot out of the hole into the sky. I fell on my back as they filled the already black sky. Fear and confusion filled me.

"Hayden."

The familiar voice shot lightning through my heart. Scrambling to my feet, I was met with my deepest regret.

"Audrey?" I said in disbelief. My guilt rose up like bile. Her once bright blue eyes, now dull and sad. Her strawberry blonde hair once glossy and full now laid lifeless and stringy.

"What happened to me? I wanted to be a hero," she said flatly. Before I could say a word, she shot forward and grabbed my wrists, her fingers digging into my flesh. "You should've stayed in the box." Her face contorted into Scarecrow's mask and I screamed as he threw me into the hole again.

**LEXCORP TOWER**   
**Jan 7, 08:16**

"Pyrrha!" Lex shook me awake, his eyes wide with worry. I looked around the room as my mind sorted out the dream from reality.

"I-I'm fine," I reassured a confused Lex and patted out smoke from his sheets. "It was just a nightmare."

"Yes, I could tell." He showed his mildly burned arm. "What could you possibly be so afraid of?" In my attempt to make up a believable lie, I glanced at the clock. A diversion would have to do instead.

"Shit! How did we sleep in so long? I have to go see Manta." I flew out of Lex's bed to grab my red and black suit. "That flight is going to take forever! Where's my helmet?"

"Darling." Annoyed, he held my spiky red and black biomech helmet up. His face was visibly peeved at my blatant avoidance of the conversation.

"Where would I be without you?" I said sweetly as I reached for my helmet. He yanked it out of my reach.

"You really believe Kaldur'ahm is a spy?" He asked.

"I do." I grabbed the helmet and stuck my tongue out.

"Careful, Darling," he warned. "Don't be blinded by your history with him. If he is as Manta claims, you could have a lot to lose."

"I think I know Kaldur better than Manta." I saw Lex clench his jaw. "Don't worry about the Atlantean."

I kissed Lex softly, feeling his body tense. He laced his hands through my long black hair, pulling me closer but I resisted and pulled back. I whispered on his lips.

"You should worry about Nightwing."

"I knew there was something there," he said playfully and smacked me with a pillow.

"Can you blame me? The brooding, the tight suit, the five dollar haircut? Or lack of... I never actually saw him get it cut." I floated over him and traced his jaw. "You should be terrified of losing me to him."

"Losing you?" He gazed up at me. I no longer looked anything like Jet Starling--my former self--with short black hair and grey eyes. I was somewhat unsettling for the average person to look at with my translucent skin and visible red glowing veins and luminescent red eyes but in Lex's eyes, I was a god. "I thought you were Lost in me."

I bit my lip to keep my glowing and heat in check and replied, "I may never be found."

"Not even by a mysterious Atlantean?"

"Depends. How mysterious is he?" I tapped my chin studiously. He growled playfully and pulled me back into bed. "Lex! I have to leave!" I laughed as we continued to live in our fragile honeymoon-esque bubble.

**ATLANTIC OCEAN**   
**Jan 7, 17:00**

"I'm sure you can understand my position." I said, sipping from the tea Black Manta had offered me after I had boarded his ship. Late.

"I understand fully," he said gruffly. "While I have been welcomed into the Light, my son--my son who was lied to about his father, my son who was betrayed by his mentor, my son who lost the love of his life--is doubted in his loyalties."

"As long as you understand," I said sarcastically. "I won't reiterate my concerns and you will allow me to see for myself the dedication of Kaldur'ahm. If he is as you say, you have nothing to worry about."

He growled quietly as a knock rapped on the door breaking the tension.

"Yes!" He snapped.

"Father?" Kaldur called into the room. My skin burned as I suppressed my glowing veins. The anxiety of seeing Kaldur in this setting had been eating at me since we welcomed Black Manta. Mostly because I had saved him from an explosion in Metropolis during my Anti-Hero press conference that had left him knocked out and badly hurt. I was also the one who semi-informed him of his true father. Not one of my better moments.

He entered the room and my heart sank. It had only been a month or so but Kaldur looked older. His hair was cut differently and he wore an all black suit like his father's--and scowled. Sweet, caring Kaldur never scowled. I don't know what I was expecting to come through that door but he wasn't it. He abruptly stopped in the doorway as he saw me.

"Pyrrha." My name sounded so hollow from him as his light green eyes attempted to bore a hole through me. "I was not expecting you."

"She's here to see--"

"If I'm a double agent," he finished. My skin glowed slightly from my irritation. Once again, Kaldur could see right through me. "It's fine, Pyrrha. I would do the same thing."

"Well, I have other engagements so if you'll excuse me." I stood up from the table. "I look forward to working closely with the both of you." I grabbed my helmet as Kaldur'ahm held the door.

"I will walk you out," he offered. I smiled politely and followed him to the top hatch of the ship. He held his hand out in front of me to stop me before I stepped onto the ladder, blatantly disregarding our stations in the Light.

"I'd like to talk to you. Without my father around."

"Oh? Must be serious," I mocked.

"I suggest you rethink your conspiracy theory about me. I would hate for you to be embarrassed over your delusion."

"You _suggest_? That's laughable." I felt my heat build. "I've fought next to you, Tats. Spent downtime with you. I know you from the top of your blonde head to your webbed toes and I know you don't belong here."

"After everything I have been through," he said with a scowl but I could hear his pain, "I assumed you would understand."

"I do understand--that we are all selfish, power-hungry murderers and monsters. You, my adorable friend, are not anything like us. I don't buy for one second that Tula's death was your catalyst."

"And I am supposed to believe you are the monster you claim? You aren't as dark and ruthless as you want them to believe. You saved me from that explosion when you could've let it kill me. I know Starling is inside of you somewhere. Check on me all you want. I am not the one with something to hide."

"Oh, _Aqualad_ ," I taunted as I closed the space between us. "There's a reason I have my own screen. I killed off any surviving bit of Jet Starling some time ago. So I _suggest_ you watch how you speak to me. You answer to me now."


	4. Dread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pyrrha sneaks into Kaldur'ahms quarters to find evidence of his espionage but her past comes back to haunt her.

_A new face with the same eyes_   
_And I want you to know that_   
_I know all your secrets_

**ATLANTIC** **OCEAN**   
**Jan 15, 16:36**

The large black ship rose up from the water and the top hatch opened as I flew closer. One of Manta's men met me on the surface and informed me that Black Manta and Kaldur were elsewhere and I would be waiting in their war room.

Clearly, it was a power move to make me wait so instead of playing their game, I played my own. Finding Kaldur's room proved too much of a temptation to ignore and I figured I might as well see what I could find using my dormant detective skills.

I expected to find it empty but was surprised to see old items from Mount Justice. It was bittersweet as the all-too-familiar items were now an arm's reach away, sitting on shelves in the cold, metallic room.

Kaldur soaked up land knowledge like a sponge and loved anything about history. Whenever we could, we would take him to key landmarks and listen to him go on and on listing random facts. His favorite objects from gift shops were snowglobes. He loved being able to see our side of the world underwater. 'Best of both worlds' he used to say.

I shook some of the snowglobes and watched the glitter, snow, and figures, fall as the memories of our trips together played like a sad home movie in my mind. My eyes wandered to find a small picture of his mother. The frame was old and worn but the picture was pristine and well cared for. I noticed how similar Kaldur looked like his mother. In fact, aside from skin color, he was nothing like Manta. He had his mother's hair and her eyes.

And smile.

"Her name is Sha'lain'a."

"Tats!" I nearly dropped the frame but bumped a nearby snowglobe and watched it shatter on the floor. I bit my lip hard to stop my red glow that lit up the room. Without a word, Kaldur bent to clean my mess as I fidgeted with the picture still in my hands.

"I'm sorry," I said hesitantly. I was rusty at apologies and noticed how unnatural it had become within my short time as a villain.

"You're not sorry," he said, clearly pissed with me as he grabbed the picture from my hands, looking at it before setting it down reverently.

"She's beautiful," I said softly. The thought came to my head how the truth about Kaldur's father must've wrecked their family.

"Yes, she is," he said quietly. I glowed from the awkward exchange and fought to control it. It was much more noticeable in a dark room than in the open air but to be fair, I was also fighting to keep another issue in check as well.

"I'm surprised you brought all this stuff." I tried to change the subject as I scratched at my arm.

"Surprised?" He turned to me and I saw his light green eyes become a strange shade in my light.

"Yeah, I guess because I didn't keep any of my stuff, you wouldn't either. Different circumstances, I guess." I looked away and bit my lip to stop my glowing. I looked back to see him surveying my face which irritated me so I scowled back, glowing bright.

"Does that reaction happen every time you feel an emotion or do you just lack the discipline to keep it controlled?" He sneered. I wasn't exactly the textbook example of pretty and while Lex never made me feel like a freak, I was still ready to bite if anyone stared too long.

"If I can't have the discipline to control something as simple as glowing, what makes you think I have the discipline to keep from giving you some brandings to go with those tattoos? I'm at the top of this food chain, small fry. Not even your daddy could stop me if I wanted to watch you squirm." He scoffed at me and opened his door.

"If you are done trespassing into private quarters, I'll be more than happy to walk you out."

"I'm supposed to speak to your father."

"Reschedule." I snarled at his familiarity but he ignored my aggression and walked away. I followed him through the corridors but his collection of snowglobes were on my mind.

"So, Tats," my voice reverberated off the metal, "What happened to all my stuff? After I died?"

"It's still there. Your room remained untouched when I left," he said without any emotion.

"Out of remorse? Or shame?" I challenged but he didn't play the game so I dropped my wall. "What about my robots?"

"Kid Flash decommissioned them. They kept... looking." His scowl disappeared and I saw the old Kaldur for a second. I felt a lump in my throat thinking about my robots waiting for me to come home.

"And my memorial?" His scowl came back and he remained silent as I stared him down. "Did I even have a one?"

"Pyrrha--" I held my hand up, my blood beginning to boil.

"Stop. I can put it together, Tats. I don't even want my memorial in that damp cave, hidden away. Batman barely even allowed Robin's memorial. I'm sure he wouldn't want another of his colossal failures immortalized." I shrugged off my hurt pride and turned it into a pointed sword. "But it's not like you lot would even visit it." Kaldur stopped suddenly. I turned to face him with a challenging glare.

"You are ridiculous. Kid Flash and Artemis left the life in part because of you. Nightwing and Batman did not speak to each other for months. Superboy disappeared for two weeks! Imagine what that did to Miss Martian!"

"I died! And you want me to feel bad I inconvenienced you?!" I growled, unphased by his guilt trip. "What about you? How did I inconvenience our zen leader?"

"What does it matter how I felt, Pyrrha? You were alive, you were fine, and you stumbled your way into the Light."

"Stumbled?" I said incredulously. "You have no idea what I did to earn this."

"I believe you mean who," he said with disgust. My veins glowed brightly as I gritted my teeth. "How long do you think it will be before Luthor grows weary of playing with his new toy?"

Yelling, I punched him into the wall, putting a dent in the metal. He growled and charged me, tossing me into the opposite wall with a thud. He wasn't very strong but his density was like getting hit with a sledgehammer.

"Careful, Pyrrha," he said through his teeth as I picked myself up, glowing red hot. "Are you angry because I said it or because you know it to be true?"

"You insolent idiot," I said quietly. "You just messed with the wrong metahuman." I lit up and weighed the options of maiming him but the ship began to groan and move. Terror flooded my body and I froze.

"You still suffer from that?" Kaldur mocked but I was too far gone to retort with witty banter. He quickly changed his attitude and grabbed my arms but my fire began to flare in bursts causing him to recoil from my heat. I flew to the top hatch and tried to open it but Kaldur tackled me to the ground.

"Let me go, Kaldur!" I screamed.

"You have to calm down!" He grunted as he wrestled with my flailing arms. "You'll flood the ship!"

"I don't care!" He grabbed me from behind and tightly crossed our arms together across my chest. I began to hyperventilate and tried to bash him into the wall to make him let go.

"Star, stop! You aren't in the box!" I closed my eyes tightly and allowed him to hold my weight as I focused on his familiar mantras in my ear. "Breathe with me, Star. You are not alone. I am not leaving you. Breathe in." We sank to the floor as he chanted. "With me, Star. Feel my chest rise. Block everything out."

My heart began to calm down and my heat returned to normal. Kaldur groaned slightly and I realized I had hurt him with my high heat, even through his suit. Still, he held me tight as we sat in silence.

"You can let me go now," I said quietly. A moment passed without him releasing me and I realized I was in a very dangerous position. I wasn't lying when I said I knew Kaldur well and on the opposite side of that coin, Kaldur knew me. I hadn't counted on him joining the Light and I definitely hadn't counted on reminding him of my Scarecrow-induced phobia of being buried alive.

There had been a few times during missions where the fear had gotten the better of me and the only one who could talk me down was him. That was when we were friends and I had nothing to fear. Now, I assumed he was weighing his options.

Before I could threaten him, he released his hold and I stood up quickly. Hesitantly, I gave him my forearm to help him up.

"Tats--"

"Remain here," he groaned. "I will order the ship to resurface." I searched his face expecting the reassuring face of Aqualad but was met with the scowling Kaldur'ahm. He turned from me and began walking away.

Vulnerable and alone in the empty hallway, I realized as I watched my colleague walk off was that either way, he would tell. If he was truly wanting to be a part of the Light, he'd use this as leverage to get me off his ass. If he was a spy, he'd use this to discredit me. I was screwed and the Light would eat me alive.

He came back and escorted me to the top in silence. Despite the knot in my stomach, it felt like heaven to feel the breeze and see the open sky. I turned back to the man who now held my future in his hands.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry," I genuinely apologized. "For snooping in your room and breaking your stuff."

"You are just fearful your secret will be used against you," he said quietly, looking out to the setting sun.

"Yes, but that's not why I'm apologizing. You deserve more respect than what I gave you and it's unbecoming of my station." I paused. "But I just can't fool myself into thinking you are or will ever be one of us."

"Is that supposed to be an apology?" He smirked.

"So, I'm a little rusty," I chuckled.

"What was your excuse before you joined the Light?" He scoffed and we stood, with years of complicated history between us. There is no proper etiquette on what to do when you're awkwardly standing on the top of an underwater vessel as an opportunistic villain who used to be your friend has leverage to hold against you. Luckily, Kaldur broke the silence.

"I won't betray your secret, Pyrrha." He sighed and took my hand. "And there is no need to apologize. If I can be honest, I'm just glad you are alive."

**METROPOLIS**   
**Jan 15, 18:10**

"What is so important that you felt the need for an urgent private meeting, Manta?" I asked as I stood in front of a row of blank blue screens.

"I respect you, Luthor, and your partnership with Pyrrha. However, an event happened on my ship involving her and my son, Kaldur'ahm."

"She has been very clear with her distrust of Kaldur'ahm. If you have a problem with her methods, take it up with her."

"I'm afraid you misunderstand."

Video began to play on the other screens showing Pyrrha sneaking into Kaldur'ahm’s room only to be joined by him later. The door closed but red light repeatedly pulsed from under it. Shortly after, the two exited the room speaking quietly. They stopped and began to argue until she attacked him and Kaldur'ahm pushed her into the opposite wall.

I clenched my jaw as my normally rational mind began spiralling wildly out of control. The ship began to move and Pyrrha panicked in a way that reminded me of her night terrors. Curiously, I watched her reaction. Kaldur wrapped his arms around her and they slid down the wall as he whispered into her ear until she calmed down. The two quietly went to the surface where a camera caught them there as well. I clenched my jaw again as Kaldur held her hand and she glowed slightly.

"As you can see," Manta cut the feed but the image stayed burned in my mind. "This raises some questions."

"Has anyone else seen this?" I asked.

"I was hoping no one needed to."


	5. Revenant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Batman gone and the Batfam busy elsewhere, Pyrrha goes to Gotham Cemetery to pay respects to her favorite Robin.

_If I turn into another_   
_Dig me up from under what is covering_   
_The better part of me_

**GOTHAM**   
**Jan. 30, 23:30**

Even though the mainstream media had no idea the Justice League was off planet, the Light knew. Exploiting their absence wasn't the objective but that didn't stop me from taking the opportunity to head to Gotham to pay a visit to a friend, free of any confrontation with Batman.

Lex would've advised against it but for the past two weeks, he had grown increasingly distant. Or maybe I had. I didn't really care. I couldn't remember the last time we were alone together. My run in with Kaldur and my now-nightly terrors took up more than enough of my time.

Solemnly, I landed at a simple granite headstone in Gotham Cemetery as a light snowfall floated down around me. It was plain to see that it hadn't been visited for months. After I brushed the snow off and pulled some dead weeds creeping up the side, I knelt down and placed a hand on the cold stone as a lump swelled in my throat.

"Hey, kid." I traced the hand-chiseled J. "Wish I could've come sooner. Sorry, I missed your birthday. I was... occupied." _With freeing your murderer._ "And sorry for missing your... other day." _I was busy getting someone killed_. I sighed and placed a black permanent marker on his gravestone. "I brought your weapon of choice in lieu of flowers. I know it doesn't make up for any of it--"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a woman with strawberry blonde hair standing a couple of plots down. I stood up quickly as memories of the young woman made my breath catch in my chest as I flew towards her slowly.

"Audrey?" I whispered as I flew up behind her. Slowly, I reached for her shoulder. At a single touch, she exploded into a mass of birds like in my dream. In disbelief, I watched them fly into the sky.

I felt someone coming up behind me and growled at being distracted from what possibly was a mental health red flag.

"You don't want to do that," I warned as I turned to see a young man with a red fitted helmet on and a brown leather coat with his guns visible.

"You're in the wrong neighborhood, firefly," he said.

"That’s a guy."

"What?" He cocked his head.

"I'm a girl. Firefly is a guy. A-doy." Mocking the harmlessness of the kid, I turned my back on him to look at the area where Audrey stood. "So before we start whatever this is, did you see that woman that was just here?"

"Just you, glowworm."

"I see." _I'm going crazy_. "So, Deathwish, do you know who I am?" I turned back to him.

"Who doesn’t? It's not like Pyrrha, the Sun God's face isn't plastered on every flat surface in the country."

"And you attacked me anyways?"

"What can I say? I like to test my limits." I smiled. It had been a while since I was in a fight and while the only threat was the guns, he didn't seem that special.

"Before I kick your ass, I have to know. Is your dominatrix looking for you? I only say this because I'd rather not have to kill another suicidal leather-fetishist."

"Ooh, you're hilarious. I guess you'd have to be with that nasty mug."

Angrily, I lunged at him but he easily sidestepped me and grabbed a hold of my arm. He tried to twist it behind me but I flew upside down and chopped at his elbow to release. This went on for a little while of us attacking and blocking each other in a bizarre dance.

At first I was amused. He knew his martial arts and it had been a while since I fought anyone with skill but it began getting old as he started getting the better of me. I used the card I was holding and flamed up. This caught him off guard and I punched him in his mask, cracking it and sending him to the ground.

"Give it up, boy," I said breathlessly as I grabbed him by his jacket, slightly pissed how out of shape I had become. "Even heroes know when to be scared."

"Good thing I'm no hero." He attempted to use a rudimentary shock mechanism in his chest to electrocute me but it barely registered a response from me. Laughing, I threw him into a nearby mausoleum and he laid crumpled up on the ground.

"I've been shocked by far better than you, S&M," I said as I walked to him.

"Oh, sticks and stones may break my bones but hollow points expand on impact." He pulled out a pistol and accurately fired multiple rounds at me. I threw up a wall of fire but one got through and grazed my shoulder. Enraged, I snarled at him.

"You have the balls to try to kill me?!" I yelled as he stood up.

"A girl can try." He shrugged at his failed attempt before I flew at him. I did a spinning kick to his cracked helmet, sending both it and him to the ground. I stared at the black hair as the helmet rolled in the snow.

_No._

I couldn't move. One word echoed in whispers and screams in my mind as I stared at the familiar haircut that I'd recognize anywhere.

_Jason._

"You always were a sore loser." He picked up his helmet and turned to me with fury in his blue eyes.

"No," I said in disbelief. "I'm dreaming again."

"What kind of messed up dreams you havin'?"

"You're dead," I tried to reason with myself out loud. "I held your body. We buried you."

"Yeah. About that. Oof!" He groaned out as I hugged him tight. "You've gotten stronger," he said quietly as I began to cry softly into his chest. His shoulders slumped as he gave in and wrapped his long arms around me.

I pulled away from him feeling the slightest reluctance, which coming from Jason Todd, the Prince of Aloof, meant more than words could say. I fluffed his new streak of white hair a bit to kill the sappy moment.

"How are you alive, Jay?" I wiped my face.

"Lazarus pit. It's a long story."

 _Ra's._ I thought vengefully. _That asshole knew Jason was alive. They all knew. Maybe even Lex_.

The mangled Robin flashed in my mind popping it's broken bones together before it flew away. I noticed his changed appearance, his emptiness. This kid meant everything to me. I had seen so many kids come and go in my life that when Bruce brought this little streetrat to take my place, I clung to him and he clung to me. I could see something was off.

"You look grown up," I said, guarded.

"I suppose I do." He shrugged. "Killing and being killed tends to do that. I mean, you would know." His blue eyes cut me like ice. "Reggie."

"Don't call me that," I snarled. "That's not my name anymore."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Pyrrha," he mocked, "Member of the Light." I bit my lip as I saw that he knew what the Light was and who was in it. I wasn't going to deny anything. If he knew, he knew.

"You say it like it's a bad thing."

"You're dividing an already divided society. That's pretty bad in my book."

"Not if you look at it objectively. We're saving humanity in the long run. Everyone will be at their potential. Jason, if I had this power," I showed off my flaming hands and electricity, "I could've saved you."

"I know what you would’ve done." He threw a card at my feet. Looking down, I saw a bloody Joker card. My memory of finding a similar card weeks after Jason's disappearance was still fresh. I could still hear his screams. "What did you to him, Reggie? What the hell did you do to pay him back for what he did? He took me from Bruce, from Alfred... from you. Bruce did nothing but what you did was worse," he snarled. My heart pounded as my glow and heat pulsed.

"You know as well as I do that Batman's code of honor would never allow me to touch Joker."

"You didn't have his code to hide behind when you freed that psycho. You just let him go. Without even a scratch."

It was true. All of it. I was placed in a horrible situation thanks to Lex and I freed Joker from Arkham just to prove my allegiance to the Light. All to have the chance to kill Batman which I didn't even get to do.

"Do you want to know how many people he's killed since you released him?" Jason demanded.

_88_

"I don't know what to tell you, Jason," I said sadly and defensively. "I needed in the Light."

"Why?"

"To kill Batman."

"Are you crazy? You want to kill Batman but you'd free the Joker?" He looked at me disgusted. "Damn it, Reggie. What happened to you? Don't you see how skewed your logic is?"

"Skewed?" I glowed. "You know what's after this life. I can see it in your eyes. There was nothing on the other side. No one welcomed me. No omnipotent being congratulated me on a job well done. There was only light so I accepted it. I went to the Light and I woke up a god."

"But you've gone dark side, Reggie."

"Oh, Jason," I laughed at his wording. "You haven't the faintest idea. However," I pointed at his broken red hood, "That seems awfully familiar. You said you aren't a hero, so what are you?"

"I play in the grey. There's a few like us that don't like the division the Light and the League have created. I even met someone who is like you."

"No one is like--" My vision blurred and I held on to the nearest headstone for balance.

"Reggie? You okay?" Jason asked as he grabbed my shoulders to help me sit on a nearby bench. He knelt in front of me as I tried to get my bearings.

"I'm fine. I've just been spread a little thin lately. I don't think I ate today." He pulled out a crinkled granola bar. I looked at it in disgust. "How long have you had that? Did it go in the Lazarus pits too?"

"Har har. Just eat the damn food." He tossed it at me and sat down next to me. "I can't chew you out if you lose consciousness."

We sat in silence while I ate the world's worst granola bar.

"Nightwing must be pissed that you switched teams," Jason stated. I just rolled my eyes and took another bite.

"Why would I care what Dick thinks?"

"You used to. A lot." I glared at him only to see him smirking like he had just found my diary. "So is Luthor purely sexual or do you actually love him?"

"Jason!" I glowed brightly, my red light bouncing off the white snow and turning the sad cemetary into a pink wonderland.

"Wow. I was joking," he said embarrassed. He rubbed the back of his neck. "That's kind of really weird. Does he feel the same?" I thought about it as I finished the bar.

"No." My glow died down as I stared at the now empty wrapper. "I don't think he's capable of it."

"You deserve better."

"I don't, Jason," I burned the trash in my hand and blew the ashes away. "I really, really don't. In case you didn't notice, I'm kind of a monster. But when Lex looks at me, I don't feel like a freak. He looks at me like I'm worth looking at."

We sat in silence.

"I wasn't going to bring it up but did you do something with your hair?" He joked, cutting the tension. My laughter echoed through the cemetary. "No, seriously! You cut it or something. Nope. That's not it." I wiped my eyes and sighed. He bumped me with his shoulder. "You always looked like a freak to me, Reggie."

"You're one to talk." I smiled at my Jason. "Come back from the dead and you still can't get a decent haircut. What's with this?" I twisted his white tuft. He smacked my hand.

"What is so wrong with my hair?" He smoothed it back. "You're always making fun of it."

"Because we lived with a billionaire and you and Dick had five dollar haircuts. We had to strap you down to get you to comply!"

"I wasn't that bad," he pouted, and suddenly the brooding young man looked like the unsure fourteen year old I remembered.

"No. No you weren’t." I smiled sadly but one thing was eating at me. "Does Bruce know you're alive?"

"I think one resurrecting child a year is enough for him." Guilt washed over me. "One day. Maybe."

"Jason, if I knew you were alive--" I bent my head down as a tear rolled down my cheek. The undead child awkwardly leaned into me.

"I know, Reggie. I know."


	6. Motive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lex and Pyrrha attempt to mend their strained relationship for Valentine's Day but Lex is hiding a secret. Cheshire surprises Pyrrha with a question that could cost them both their lives.

_Do you want this love of mine?_  
_The darkness helps to sort the shine_

**METROPOLIS**  
**Feb 13, 10:00**

After Manta showed me the video of Pyrrha's mysterious meeting with Kaldur'ahm, I kept her at an arm's length but after a few days of that, she did the same to me. Seeing her with Kaldur clouded my mind in a way I didn't like but seeing her godlike face across from me made me need her again and I wondered how I went a month without her. Between all of her correspondent interviews with Godfrey and my meetings, we hadn't been in the same room for weeks. Neither of us brought it up until the pressure of a commercial holiday forced us to end our silence.

I looked up from my meal to see Pyrrha poking at her own, distracted. We had decided to break the streak of our recent unintentional estrangement to celebrate an early Valentine's Day with a simple brunch at her favorite restaurant since I had back to back meetings all week.

"Darling?" I asked but she continued poking. I placed my hand on hers, noticing her healing arm, jolting her to the present. Her bright red eyes looked into mine like she was surprised I were there at all. "Where are you, Pyrrha?"

"Wandering in my mind maze," she smiled sadly.

"That beautiful mind of yours is one of the many reasons I admire you," I smiled at her as she tried to contain her glow. "What are you thinking about, Darling?"

She gave me a look of distrust and I wondered if she was going to call me out on pushing her away.

"Are we doing the right thing?" She frowned slightly.

"You and me?" My heart sank.

"No," she laughed and scowled at me playfully. Then, too soon, the Pyrrha that I had missed for so long left and her eyes darkened. "Us and... him. How can we trust someone of that tier of raw power? We can't possibly hope to keep reins on him."

"That's the beauty of a partnership. We won't have to." She remained unconvinced. I took hold of her hand and rubbed it watching it glow under my touch. "I'll let you in on a business secret, Darling. When someone has a superior product, instead of competing them, you join them. Become invaluable and merge companies." She looked down at our hands and looked back up at me with a raised eyebrow.

"So, partnerships to you are just a passive aggressive way of taking the other down. Limiting their power and mobility so you can guarantee you stay in control. Especially if you are the only one who realizes you are playing that way." She paused, letting her accusation sink in. "But what if both are actively playing? What if the other side knows they are being played? How would you win that game, Lex?" I was on thin ice.

"What brought this on?" I clenched my jaw as the image of her and the fishboy flashed in my mind. "Is this because of Kaldur'ahm?"

"No." Her answer was short and bitter. Her eyes glowed dangerously and it was clear she was tiring of my disdain for the Atlantean. But I was tiring of the connection between the two.

"I've been meaning to talk to you about him," I said.

"I would really rather we not."

"That's unfortunate for you because we already are."

"Luthor," she hissed through clenched teeth.

"Lex." I corrected as she growled. "This investigation is dangerous. I recommend you let it go."

"Then it's a good thing I don't answer to you." She raised her hand for the waiter. I grabbed it and pulled it down.

"Darling, don't go." She put her other hand on the top of ours and heated it up threateningly.

"No more Atlantean talk. You don't get to tell me what to do, Lex Luthor." A smile crept across her gorgeous lips and I found myself Lost in her again. "I know where you sleep."

"Yes," I placed my other hand on top of hers, "Somewhere that you have been missing from lately. We must remedy that." She bit her lip to stop her glowing. I wanted nothing more than to have her light be the only light I saw for the rest of the day. "How about I clear my schedule and we take a long weekend at my place on St. Martin's? I can try to convince you to move you out of that hovel you call an apartment and into the Tower."

"Lex," she scolded, letting go of my hands. "I've barely seen you for the past month and you want to bring this up again? I'm not going to be left alone again because you moved too fast for yourself. Whatever this is, whatever we are, we need to go slow. I need to go slow." I nodded. Slow was fine. Slow was better than being without.

**_Bzzt Bzzt_ **

I glanced at my phone and sighed. It seemed everything needed my attention lately. Pyrrha would have to wait. I looked up at her expecting to see her disappointment but instead saw her reassuring smile.

"Go on. Go save the world from communism," she said. I pulled my chair closer to her, watching her skin glow.

"Darling," I brushed her hair behind her ear. "Be mad at me for ignoring you. For skipping Valentine's. Yell at me. Something. I'm going mad waiting for your wrath to rain down on me."

"Oh, c'mon, Lex. I'm not that kind of person." She placed her hand on my leg and leaned in close to me. "But if you're wanting me to be angry for some private reason, I'm sure I can think of something if you can make the time."

My body stiffened and every particle of me wished we were in my apartment. My phone buzzed angrily in my pocket ruining any chance of an impromptu rendezvous. Pyrrha smiled and sat back in her seat, motioning for me to go. I leaned in and took her chin, her glow rippling over her skin from my touch.

"May I?"

"You may." I kissed her softly and left her glowing.

Mercy opened the car door as I answered the persistent caller.

"Yes." I did my best to control my irritation.

"We need more samples."

"You should have more than enough."

"They've expired. We need fresh samples. Unless you don't want us to find it?" I sighed and looked at Mercy who pulled out a small black bag.

"You'll have what you need shortly."

**SUICIDE SLUMS**  
**Feb 13, 11:00**

I placed a newly purchased gift bag on my table and fell onto my crappy couch after starting some water for tea. Lex seemed frustrated at the fact we never spent time together anymore but I didn’t have time to pretend to do the girlfriend nonsense. In fact, I was relieved that he didn't bend over backwards to celebrate Valentine's. I was far too preoccupied with the revelation of Jason's rebirth. His surprise appearance gave me proof at how fragile the Light's plan was. There was no trust between the Light so how could there be any partnership with Darkseid? Lex and the Light were either distracted by ego and underestimated the danger or I was being duped.

Then, there was the situation with Ra's.

Ra's al Ghul was one of the members most cordial to me. I assumed it was because he enjoyed the fact that Batman's precious sidekick was now by his side. Now that I knew Ra's was behind Jason's goo bath meant his nice demeanor to me was a sham. Why he brought him back was still a mystery. Maybe for a sick joke? Because he could? Or something far darker.

The death of Jason Todd was part of my origin as Pyrrha. His death ripped my relationship with Bruce, sent me into a depression where I threw myself into my robots which led me to stealing LexCorp's plans for new solar power tech. Then, well... here we are. New powers, new alliances, new me.

All I knew was that I had grown far too relaxed with my new family. To trust any of them, including Lex, would only spell disaster and my death.

But the thoughts kept creeping into my head:

Would I still have become Pyrrha if I knew Jason Todd was alive? Would I have done all the atrocities that now tainted me?

"Situational awareness, Pyrrha." A female voice came from behind me. I sighed deeply and rubbed my face to wake up out of my self-reflection.

"Cheshire," I said, turning to see an operative of the Light, Sportsmaster's daughter, and Artemis' sister. Cheshire and I were neutral towards each other but having one of the Light's operatives in my personal space–free agent or not–made me defensive. "Where have you been hiding?"

"I've been around. I'm here to cash in on my favor." She eyed the small package on my table and peered inside. She looked up at me and I glared at her to put it down. "I need to know where Roy is." She set the bag down and pushed it aside. I remained emotionless as I tried to read her unmasked face. Keeping my cards close to my chest, I stood up, gesturing to a slightly whistling kettle to offer her some. She nodded so I pulled down one more cup from the cabinet.

"How would I know?" I played coy as I began straining the hot tea. "He's YOUR husband. Probably laying in his own sadness right now." I handed her the tea and she laid her clawed fingers over my hand threateningly. My eyes narrowed at her threat.

"A: you speak about him like that again, I'll take out one of those pretty red eyes and leave it on Luthor's pillow like a hotel mint. B: that's not the Roy I'm talking about." She released my hand and took the cup.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I played dumb.

"I know you were at Cadmus," she revealed and I attempted to control my glowing. Not many knew–outside of those I spoke with on the large screens–of the time I spent in Cadmus honing my powers. If she knew I was there, then she knew what I had done. But that's not why she was here. Her face was softer than usual. "You had to have seen something. Anything."

"Why are you looking for him?" I said returning my gaze to my cup.

"Roy needs closure. We need a clue. Anything," she pleaded. I bit my lip slightly before sighing.

"I have more than a clue," I admitted hesitantly. Everything in me screamed to shut my mouth. "I know where he's being kept."

"He's alive?" Relief and anger flashed across her face.

"I need your word," I stressed as I wrote on a piece of paper, "After you get to him, you leave. You take your moody family and you hide. If you free Speedy, you are going to anger some big players."

"Your boyfriend." Her lips sneered in disgust.

"Luthor has killed for less than an escaped test subject, Cheshire. You have a little girl and he will use her against you. Don't let him have that chance."

"You sure know how to pick them," she said as I handed her the coordinates.

"We can't all fall in love with a hero. Damaged or otherwise." Her eyes fell to the paper.

"This isn't even in the country." She put it in her GPS and quickly looked up at me. "Tibet? He's in Tibet?"

"And heavily guarded," I advised.

"Thank you, Pyrrha," she said as she put her mask on.

"Jade?" I hesitantly asked. She turned to me. "How do you justify this side? What we've done? Artemis is a hero, your mom gave it up, Roy is still a hero more or less, and you can't stand Sportsmaster. Why aren't you with them?"

"Having second thoughts on being Queen of the Light?"

"To be honest," I said ignoring her jab, "Everything is getting confusing to say the least." She stared at me behind her mask which made me feel disadvantaged but she shifted uncomfortably as well, making me feel better about opening up to her.

"After having Lian," she confessed. "I believed I could be someone I wasn't, that I could be Roy's partner. But after he became so torn up over being a clone, I decided I wasn't his hero. I've never been the hero. He needed to save himself and I needed to be true to myself. So I returned to what I was good at: playing in the grey area." Her echo of Jason's words sent a jolt up my spine. "Roy is going through a soul search as well. I suggest you follow his plan and find the original you, in a sense. You need to see who you were, where things changed, why they changed. Decide who you want to be and go from there." I nodded. "And Pyrrha? Thank you. Artemis always talked highly of you."

"Of Jet Starling, you mean," I corrected.

"What's the difference?"


	7. Offering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaldur'ahm and Pyrrha connect through peace offerings to each other which causes strife in her's and Lex's relationship on Valentine's Day.

_Whatever I feel for you_  
_You only seem to care about you_  
_Is there any chance you could see me_

**ATLANTIC OCEAN**  
**Feb 14, 08:00**

"Ms. Pyrrha," one of Manta's men greeted me topside of their ship. "Kaldur'ahm is in his quarters. I'll escort you."

The memory of my past visit was still fresh and the fear was gnawing in the back of my mind as I walked into the ship. I prayed to the gods that they stayed above sea level.

"Sir, Ms. Pyrrha is here," the soldier said as we stopped at Kaldur's door.

"Come in," he growled from inside. The soldier nodded me forward and I walked in to see Kaldur at his desk putting plans away.

"Well?" He said impatiently, without even turning to see me. It had been a month since I had seen him but I thought we had left on neutral terms. He had promised to keep my secret--whether he would or not was still up in the air--and we left it at that. I scoffed, a bit surprised to be treated like a bothersome gnat.

"Catch," I warned as I tossed the carefully chosen gift bag at him. Turning in time, he caught it before it hit the ground. His scowl disappeared as he looked at the bag curiously. Opening it, he pulled out an Atlantean snowglobe with their major structures and little Atlanteans of all forms falling in place of snow, giving the illusion of them swimming in a bustling underwater city. His eyes softened as he looked it over so I let my guard down as well.

"I told you I was sorry so I got you a replacement," I said gruffly but it came off more pouty than I would've liked. His light green eyes looking up at me in surprise.

"This was kind of you," he said quietly as he shook the globe again.

"Yeah," I shifted my weight and scratched at my arm, a bit angry that my red and black suit was in the way. "Just don't go spreading that around. Reputations and all that."

"I won't." Gently, he placed it next to his mother's picture. He paused to look at it and then walked to a small chest. After digging around for a minute, he pulled out a small pink cloth I instantly recognized.

It was my old pink Batman shirt. I used to tick off Bruce by wearing it at breakfast and I would fashion my hands into a mask and growl:

_'I am vengeance. I am the night.'_

It usually ended with Bruce and I cleaning Alfred's food off the dining room walls and furniture while Dick sat against a wall telling us to grow up.

The fury began to build inside of me as the memories of my friend and mentor spun through my mind like a rolodex. I looked up to Bruce when I was a child, even prayed for him to save me from the beatings and negligence of my fosters. As his sidekick, I lived my dream of fighting alongside him and his interest in my team of robots filled me with a sense of pride I didn't even know was possible. And that's why his betrayal hurt so incredibly deep.

He took my LexCorp information and used it to make money. After I was sucked into the solar storm fireball and left in Lex Luthor's care, he kept the financial gain. That's when I realized how little his sidekicks meant to him.

Kaldur carefully unfolded the pink shirt and I gasped. Inside was my Jet Starling mask. He handed it to me and I held it as if it were a bomb, ready to explode with memories I didn't want anymore. It wasn't the one that burned with me but it was still filled with the energy of late night stakeouts, bloody fights, and the promise of joining the Justice League one day.

"You reminded me of it when you said you did not have any items from Mount Justice." He also held out the pink shirt but I just looked at it in disdain, glowing brightly.

"Keep it. Burn it. I don't care."

"It does not look as though you do not care. Why do you hate him?"

"Why do we all end up pitted against the ones we trusted? Secrets. It's always secrets." I had to look away from him as my anger threatened to get out of control and gently rubbed my mask. Kaldur turned to the picture of his mother and straightened it absentmindedly.

"After you had told me to look into Aquaman's secrets, I figured the truth about my father. In hindsight, I should have known. The truth was in front of me but I did not want to accept it." Guilt washed over me.

"I'm not proud of that day. I just wanted to hurt you, to play the villain." He shrugged, making me feel even more disgusted with myself. "No, don't. Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Be Kaldur!" I said angrily. He looked at me confused. "What I did was not okay. You should be angry with me, not forgiving me as simple as that."

"I cannot be angry with you," he said honestly. "I needed to know the truth. You were, by all accounts, more honest than Aquaman. More honest than my mother. This needed to happen."

"Not all of it needed to happen." Avoiding eye contact, I looked down at my glowing hands as I remembered the night we lost control of Prince Orm. "What Ocean Master did--"

"She died a hero. She died with honor." And there he was. There was the Kaldur I knew. Proud of his friends, proud of his honor, selfless and forgiving to an absolute fault. Even when the woman he adored was murdered for a reason not even the Light could forgive. I couldn't find the words so I just held his hand and felt a simple happiness as he gripped it back.

"Despite how I've been acting, I'm glad you're here, Tats."

"Even though you believe I am a spy?"

"Especially because you're a spy," I smiled. Then, as with any moment of joy, it was consumed with doubt. I thought of the Light, of Lex, of all the secrets building and building. Being the sweet Atlantean I remembered, Kaldur noticed my sadness.

"If you ever need anything, I will always be here for you, Star."

"That's what I love about you Kaldur. Even when you're pretending to be a criminal, you still think of others." I smiled. "We are going to eat you alive."

**LEXCORP TOWER**  
**Feb 14, 23:45**

Leaning on the balcony railing, I tossed my mask into my bag and stared at the beautiful, noisy city. I may have been confused about the Light's path and alliance but after my visit with Kaldur, I felt as if I had something grounding me, something holding the quickly unraveling pieces together.

"Darling!" Lex called out, pulling me from my thoughts of Jason, Jade, and Kaldur. Turning around, I smoothed the black satin lingerie I had chosen for the special night. "I was not expecting such a sight tonight."

"I know. I wanted to surprise you," I smiled coyly. Being the gentleman he was, he kept his eyes on mine until he stood in front of me. Every inch of me glowed as he tilted my chin.

"Color me surprised," he said quietly, sending a jolt up my spine. "May I?"

"You may." I whispered back. He leaned in slowly as if it were our first kiss again.

Well, maybe not our first since that one was instigated by me because of my excitement from joining the Light and was spur of the moment. It was more like our second kiss which came immediately after our first. Every time he wanted to kiss me, he repeated the moment, turning it into our ritual. Always a gentle tilt of my chin that sent lightning through my body, followed by a soft 'May I?'.

I had been kissed often in my twenty one years but his were, by far, my favorite. His kiss was soft and sweet. He never asked for more than what I allowed and never pulled and tugged at me like a certain dog I knew. Lex treated me with devotion. At least, as long as I stayed away from Kaldur. Suddenly, the black mask felt like it became lit by bright neon signs saying 'PYRRHA TALKED TO KALDUR!'

"Let's go in," I suggested as he softly kissed my jawline.

"But you look so beautiful against the skyline of Metropolis," he whispered. His breath made my heart race and my skin glowed brightly, encouraging him to continue the sweet side he hid that only I had access to. "You were made for this city. Gotham didn't deserve you, Darling. Nothing compares to y--"

I felt him tense up and dread filled my bones as the moment was ruined.

"What's that doing here?" His words were laced with disdain as he pulled back from me.

"It's my old mask." I grabbed it from the bag and held it to him but he didn't take it. Instead, he acted like it was something dredged up from the depths.

"Yes, Darling. I'm not blind. Where did it come from?" His words were like knives into my heart. I wanted to fly away but suddenly felt extremely exposed in my outfit.

"It was given to me." His green eyes that were soft and filled with promise for the night were now pools of acid making the next words incredibly difficult for me to get out. "By Kaldur'ahm."

"You went to see him again?" He put distance between us as I could feel his anger building. "Today?"

I had completely forgotten the significance of the day when I was on Kaldur's ship. However, I was too stubborn to apologize.

"Lex, it's such a nice night." I grabbed his arm, feeling his dangerous tension. "Don't start this nonsense."

"What's happening between you two is not nonsense. Do not insult my intelligence."

"I'll insult your intelligence when it is overthinking a situation," I glowed brightly. "I broke something of his. I was giving him a replacement and he gave this to me." My body glowed brightly from my slip of the tongue and I never wanted to have the power to manipulate time so badly.

"So you gave him a gift on Valentine's Day. I'm going to overlook that for now because I would very much enjoy the other side of this riveting tale. Humor me, Pyrrha. Why did he even have that thing in the first place?" Fury filled his voice and I became aware that I didn't have an answer.

"I'm not doing this with you, Lex." I again decided a diversion was better than a lie or a poor attempt at truth. I threw the mask back into the bag and threw on a coat to cover the now embarrassing lingerie. I prayed to the gods that those hacks at the Daily Planet wouldn't see the face of the Anti-Hero organization in black lingerie on Valentine's Day, clearly rejected. I grabbed my bag but Lex threw his hand on it. Enraged, I looked up at him only to be met with his dark and pained emerald eyes.

"Please," he said, inhaling deeply as he tried to calm down. "Don't go, Darling."

Everything in my heart told me our honeymoon stage was over and I should use this night to make a break from Lex Luthor. Instead of heeding the warning that this would only end in tears and possible blood, I held my hand to his cheek.

"No more Kaldur nonsense, Lex." I warned quietly, my red eyes illuminating in the dark night. His eyes responded by flickering with that horrible acid color.

"Can I ask the same of you?" Instantly, he regretted it as I slowly lowered my hand.

"You just can't help yourself, can you? When have I ever given you reason not to trust me? Have I not proven my loyalty time and time again?" He clenched his jaw to keep from replying. "Or is it because you are so busy trying to hide your secrets from me that you think that I must have some of my own? I'm not under the illusion we are completely honest with each other, Lex. That's not the kind of people we are and I never expected that from you but my secrets have nothing to do with you. I'd hope that yours follow the same rule."

I watched his face for any tell but I was reminded everything Lex Luthor did was calculated. Even if he did show remorse, it would just be for show.

"Listen," I closed the space between us and began undoing his tie, "It's still Valentine's Day. Forget about the Atlantean. What did Charles Bukowski say? 'Look, let me put it this way: with me, you're number one and there isn't even a number two.'"

He opened his mouth to say something but thinking better of it, he simply kissed my forehead and walked into the apartment, still clearly angry with me. I sighed and looked out over Metropolis.

_'You sure know how to pick them.'_

_'You deserve better.'_

_'How long do you think it will be before Luthor grows weary of playing with his new toy?'_

The warnings I had heard over the past month rang through my head and I cursed my black heart for falling in love with a narcissist.


	8. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pyrrha's actions as a criminal cost her dearly.

_I heard you were concerned with my life_   
_I heard you had a lot to say_   
_I'm gonna do it if it feels right_   
_I'm gonna do it anyway_

**METROPOLIS**   
**Feb 19, 10:00**

After the Valentine's Day blowup, Lex and I stayed away from any conversation involving Kaldur'ahm which created another intricate web of lies in our relationship. I wasn't sure how it was affecting him, but I knew that mentally, things were unravelling again for me. What began as a mindless scratching habit became an obsessive burning in my arms. I tried my best to ignore it but the past few nights were filled with nightmares and I woke each morning to find my arms bloodied from scratching.

I was stressed about Darkseid, the strained relationship with Lex, Kaldur's secret, telling Jade about Speedy, and the ever present reality of Jason's resurrection. It was a formula for a mental breakdown if I didn't save myself. However, Alfred Pennyworth taught me that the first step in taking care of anyone was making a healthy home-cooked meal. So I grabbed a few recipes and went to Metropolis' indoor farmers' market.

After I grabbed my ingredients, a booth caught my eye. It was a small cart that boasted custom made snowglobes. Smiling, I searched the intricately detailed trinkets and grabbed a business card for later. I made a mental note to keep the card at my apartment and not accidentally drop it at Lex's. That's a conversation I really didn't want to get into with him.

I sighed loudly as I inspected a snowglobe of Star City. "You might as well put a bell on. I can hear you coming from a mile away. And smell you. Still haven't kicked the habit, have you?"

"What are you doing with them?" I turned around and had to look up to see a tall and stoic Jason Todd. My heart cracked seeing how grown up he looked. He used to be such a small thing and now he was a moody carbon copy of Bruce and Dick. Seeing him in the light of day also showed me subtle scars in his face.

Then, there were his eyes.

Once, they were filled with mischief and life. Now, they were void of anything resembling the childish Jason I drew moustaches with. The thought stabbed my heart as it donned on me. Bruce looked at me the same way at the New Year’s Eve Gala months back. Bruce loomed at me with disdain and hate for nearly killing Superman. And Tim. I looked away from Jason, unable to look at him a second longer. If he was going to treat me like they did, I would return the affection.

"You'll have to be specific." I looked at my bags. "The mushrooms will be sautéed, the chicken will be grilled, I still haven't decided what the side will be--"

"The people--the kids--you kidnapped," he seethed. I rolled my eyes and clenched my teeth. Queen Bee must've bungled something and our partner wasn't going to be happy.

"Tread lightly, Jaybird," I mocked him using the nickname he loathed. "I didn't kidnap anyone. Watch how wildly--and publicly--you throw those accusations."

"You've always sucked at lying. I know the Light is kidnapping kids. I just don't know why." Jason's deep blue eyes begged me to answer but I couldn't tell him the truth and I couldn't lie. Not to him.

I ignored him instead and started to walk to the other stations but he grabbed my shoulder, whipping me around. I growled threateningly at being handled roughly.

"I'm not playing." People began to casually glance at us. I smiled at a few so they would lose interest. Being seen arguing with a civilian was press I didn't need. "Let them go or maybe all your adoring fans should find out what their god really is?" My red eyes glowed in anger but I smiled at his naivety.

"Are you threatening me, Jason?" I laughed. "Have you forgotten who I am?"

"No, but I think you have, Reggie. I don't even recognize you. Reggie would never sit back as helpless kids were kidnapped." His voice was deep but on the verge of cracking. I laughed mockingly and felt enjoyment after seeing a twinge of pain flash across his face.

"Grayson said the same thing. In fact, you almost sound like him. Maybe I should call you Mini-Nightwing the way we called him Mini-Batman. Just a couple of boys pretending to be far bigger than they really are." I closed the space between us and stared him down so he once again remembered he was only a small street urchin in my eyes. "You can't stop this. I can't stop this. Everything is already in motion. And don't call me 'Reggie' ever again."

"Don't worry. I won't."

**ATLANTIC OCEAN**   
**Mar 1, 08:31**

With the small custom snowglobe in hand, I was escorted through the ship's corridors to Kaldur. Lex, of course, didn't know I was there. He was wrong about Kaldur and me so I wasn't about to have him tell me who I could or couldn't see. I still was in charge of finding out Kaldur's loyalties even though I knew he was a spy, despite not having any proof besides circumstantial evidence. There wasn't anything romantic like Lex claimed but I would be lying if I didn't feel better knowing I could talk to Kaldur whenever I wanted.

I smiled as I saw him walking towards me but my smile melted as I noticed he was scowling again. A scowl meant just for me.

"Tats?" I asked, confused as he waved off my escorting trooper. I thought we were okay after our last meeting but his eyes were dark and stormy. I played dumb as I realized a number of things he could know at that moment. "What's wrong?"

"You know what," he growled. "Roy was found. The original Roy. LexCorp had him buried deep in Tibet." I clenched my jaw. "Did you know? Did you know about Speedy?!"

I growled and grabbed him by his armor, throwing him into the nearest room doing my best to keep my fire under control but my skin glowed red hot. I closed the door and lit the room in red.

"Are you an idiot?!" I loudly whispered. "This isn't the Watchtower where we're all best friends and allies. I know your daddy will protect you but you can get me killed, Tats!"

The severity of his actions donned on him.

"My apologies. I was not thinking." His stormy eyes calmed. "Did you know? Did you know Luthor had kidnapped Speedy?"

"Yes." I admitted it without remorse and was met with Kaldur's confusion.

"And you did nothing."

"What was I to do, Tats? He wasn't mine to free." I lied but he immediately saw through it.

"It was you. You leaked his location." My skin glowed brightly. "I take it Luthor doesn't know?"

"I'm still alive, so no," I joked but Kaldur bristled up.

"He would hurt you!?"

"Of course not." I assured but shrugged slightly. "He would just have someone else do it. The ice villains, most likely." There was a pause between us and I could feel him staring at me.

"Then why would you be with him, Star?"

"Because I understand what he is. Because I understand what I am. You just don't get it, do you, Tats? We. Are. Bad. I'm sure you feel regret for taking out the Kroloteans," his eyes fell to the floor confirming my suspicion, "But that's where we differ. I don't feel regret for the lives I've taken."

He looked up at me trying to see into my secrets. "You've killed?"

"I don't have as many tallies on my kill count as the others but not for lack of trying." I was joking but Kaldur stared at me with his piercing eyes so I broke. "I was angry. Kobra and his men took something from me. Some _one._ So I killed a few of his men." His eyes grew wide. "Even if someone told me no, who could stop me?"

"So killing maybe twenty men makes you a monster?" He tried to pry open more secrets. "Unless there is more to this story."

"You don't need to know the whole story, Tats." I whispered as a warning but he kept his eyes locked on me. Again, as always, he had an uncanny ability of making me open up. "I had to practice my abilities in Cadmus. We needed to know exactly how deadly I was. It’s not like I woke up and automatically knew I had the power to kill Superman."

"You were in Cadmus." He said slowly as he put it together. "You killed clones?"

"I won't ask your forgiveness. I don't want or need it because I don't regret what I did. I warned you, Tats. I earned my way into the Light. Killing clones was practice for me."

The disgust was clear to see but still he searched my eyes for that sliver of a chance that Jet Starling was still in there. He would find nothing.

"You've gotta stop that," I said. "I've seen you look at me like I'm her but I'm not. Any part of her that survived the fire was killed off months ago when I killed those clones. So stop looking for her because if you keep looking, you aren't going to like what you find in her place. I like who I am and I like the company I keep."

"I see that now," he said as I could see the 'connection' between us ripping before my eyes. "When you first joined the Team, your pain and your anger threatened to consume you. I had believed you were worth saving, that you were wearing a mask, and hoped that we could save you from yourself. But I see now that this was who you were always meant to be." He paused for dramatic effect and I had to fight to contain my laughter. "You're a monster."

"For the first time," I smiled wide as I let my true side come out, "We finally see each other clearly, Aqualad. Doesn't that feel good? To finally be honest with each other?" I handed him the forgotten gift bag but he sneered at the gift and at the true and chaotic side of me. I shrugged and took the gift back. "So if you keep my secrets, I'll keep yours. I can't let you join the Light, of course, but I won't stop your adorable attempt at sabotage. Just remember, if you try to take me down, I'm dragging you with me," I paused for dramatic effect to mock him. "Don't forget the level of depravity I'm capable of, Tats."

**LEXCORP TOWER**   
**Mar 2, 03:03**

I opened my groggy eyes to see the long strawberry blond hair and beautiful blue eyes that haunted my every nightmare for months.

"Audrey?" I croaked out and realized I was tightly strapped to a gurney with an inhibitor collar on.

"You need to wake up, Hayden," the blue eyed girl said as she pulled out a nightmarishly long needle.

"What are you doing?" I began to panic as she lowered the needle. I tried to break free but the collar and the tight straps rendered me immobile. "Stop!"

"Wake. Up." Her words contradicted her actions as the needle pressed to my skin.

"I can't!" I pleaded. "Please, don't do this!"

"But I'm not doing this, Pyrrha."

"Are you nuts?! Yes, you are!"

"No." Her big blue eyes looked to the other side of the gurney. "He is." I followed her gaze and saw Lex on my left, smiling sweetly as the needle that was now in his hands entered my arm. An intense burning reminiscent of my rebirth months ago when I had burned alive radiated from the injection site making me scream.

"Shhh, Darling," Lex soothed as he rubbed my cheek. "It'll be okay."

"Why are you doing this?" I cried.

"I don't trust you anymore, Pyrrha." Fear flooded my body as Scarecrow's mask flashed behind Lex. I turned my head back to Audrey who watched the procedure with indifference.

"Please, help me," I sobbed as the pain became unbearable. Her eyes glazed over and looked at me with a dead stare.

"I wish I had never met you. All I wanted was to be a hero." She gripped my arm tight and screamed, "Wake up!"

I jolted up in bed, panting and burning hot, and looked over at a sleeping Lex. He was sweating from my heat but luckily I had woken up before I caught another bed on fire. My arm began to ache, reminding me of the terrifying needle. I checked my arms finding no needle marks. Instead, I saw that I had scratched them raw again.

As I opened the balcony door to cool off the room and myself, I came to the very real and very terrifying conclusion that I was beginning to lose--or had already lost--my mind.


	9. Machiavellian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lex and Pyrrha enjoy a night in while Kaldur'ahm destroys the Earth-Mars ComSat launch but his actions change everything Pyrrha once thought about him.

_Well, see what you wanna see, you should see it all_  
_Well, take what you want from me, you deserve it all_

"Today we are sitting down with Metropolis' very own anti-hero, Pyrrha!" The enigmatic Gordon Godfrey announced as I sat in my red and black suit sans helmet in front of his cameras.

"Pleased to be here, Gordon," I smiled charismatically, making sure to glow softly. "As always."

"Now, there's big news buzzing all over the airwaves--the Earth-Mars communication satellite launch. What are your thoughts?"

"Gordon, years ago, I'm sure this news would have thrilled me to have communication with our sister planet. But I've seen the other side of this looking glass and I'm not naive to the Martian threat."

"So, it's safe to say Pyrrha is against the communication between the two planets?"

"I wouldn't say against but the dangers are real. This isn't some penpal swap. These are aliens. Aliens who can look like us, talk like us, BE us! Why should we accommodate communication with a species that already has integrated into our secretive 'crime-fighting' organization that, by the way, doesn't truly answer to any government?"

"But Martian Manhunter and Miss Martian are the 'good guys' according to the public."

"Not the public I've spoken to. Not the public I live with. They are only the good guys to those who agree with their methods. That sounds a bit fascist, don't you think?"

**LEXCORP TOWER**  
**Mar 19 21:00**

I sat on Lex's couch, watching my latest Godfrey appearance before the shuttle launch and soon-to-be destruction. I knew Manta had placed an explosive on the shuttle but I wasnt worried about the success of the mission. I was concerned about Kaldur's execution of it.

After he found out about Speedy and the Cadmus clones, I made him a deal that I would keep his secret that he was a spy if he kept my secrets from the Light and from the Justice League. As I watched the news feed switch from my anti-alien rhetoric to live coverage of the launch, I scratched mindlessly at my arms. If Kaldur succeeded in destroying the satellite, he'd be a step closer to the Light and our plan. If he failed at this mission, I would have no choice but to use it for evidence to keep him out of the Light by outing him as a spy which meant Kaldur would need to be eliminated. Either scenario sucked.

Lex walked into the apartment and I pulled my sleeves down to cover my slightly bleeding arms. We had gotten over the bump in our relationship and were back in sync but at night, I was tormented. I would lay next to him as he slept, terrified to close my eyes for fear of seeing old memories twisted with new nightmares. The only time I was able to sleep was when I passed out from exhaustion only to be startled awake before Lex woke for his daily meetings. Then, I would shower alone as I sobbed from the night terrors. Lex, who never missed a thing, never brought it up which was something that both relieved and somewhat troubled me.

I turned around on the couch and saw Lex in a brand new suit placing an aluminum suitcase on the hall table. "Look at you! How dashing," I teased as Lex looked up at me annoyed.

"A business lunch gone wrong. Fool thought he was giving me a gift," he groaned.

"But, he didn't get it tailored," I concluded.

"He didn't get it tailored," Lex echoed with distaste. I smiled as I flew to him and helped him slide the jacket off.

"How was he supposed to know your obsession with suits?" I folded it and set it aside. Sticking my nose in the air, I put on my snooty accent as I took off his tie and waistcoat. "I'll have it sent to your private tailor. Maybe we can salvage something from these rags."

"How do you understand me so well?"

"I'm a rare breed," I said normally as I unbuttoned his collared shirt and felt his eyes on me.

"Darling, you haven't a clue how rare you truly are," he said softly. I smiled as I slid his shirt off, leaving him in only his light grey undershirt, a sight that always made my ego swell. Not every one saw Lex Luthor without his iconic suit. I looked up to see his emerald eyes looking at me affectionately.

_'He looks at me like I'm worth looking at.'_

"Thank you," I said, looking down as I hooked my fingers through his belt loops and gently pulled him to me.

"For what?" He asked, intrigued, tracing my arms with his fingertips and watching the trailing glow.

"Seeing me. For who I am." He stopped rubbing my arms and I looked up to gauge his reaction, seeing a wistful look in his eyes.

"When we first met, I could see you were intelligent. You found a flaw that even I had overlooked. But there was this darkness," he placed his hand on my cheek and softly rubbed my cheekbone. "A darkness that was hiding just behind your eyes and I knew your talents were wasted as long as you were on the League's side. Then, you came to me--us," he corrected quickly and I couldn't hide my smile or my glow at his slip up. He cleared his throat. "I wanted you to see your own potential. I wanted you to see that the dream you had of everyone being able to protect themselves and not depend on heroes could be realized." He took my hands in his and gently held them to his chest. "Then something I hadn't accounted for happened. With every interaction with you, I found I was tying myself to you one strand at a time until it was too much sever. I saw that your beauty was terribly dark and that your darkness was terribly beautiful. I became Lost without any hope of finding my way back to a life before you." He tucked my black hair behind my ear. "Don't thank me for seeing you for who you are. All I want is for you to see yourself the way I see you."

The room was bathed in red as I threw my arms around his neck, almost knocking him off balance. He chuckled softly as our lips met and the world's problems melted away. I was living in the moment and the moment was good.

"I got you something," he whispered as my glow died down. He pulled the aluminum briefcase out and opened it. Inside, there was custom foam hugging another smaller box inside. Lex removed the box and opened it to reveal a very old leather bound book in a polyethylene bag. "It's a first edition of Dacre's translation of Machiavelli's _Il Principe_."

My eyes opened wide as I hovered curiously over top of it, unable to stay on the ground. "I cant believe you're giving this to me! This book must be nearly four hundred years old!" I reached to the plastic covering and recoiled. "Oh, I'm afraid to touch it. I'm so excited, I'll burn it up," I joked, making Lex laugh. I floated back down and calmly held his face in my glowing hands, feeling him tense up. "You didn't have to do this but thank you. You're a good man, Lex Luthor."

"I've never been accused of that before." He smiled devilishly and kissed the heel of my hand before whispering, "But I've also never felt this way before."

"Careful, Lex. I could accidentally take that as your way of saying you might love me," I teased as I brushed his cheek with my thumb. He tenderly took my hands in his and held them in front of him, staring at them for a moment. My breathing slowed as he looked to my face as if he were trying to remember every inch of it. The room slowly began to grow a deeper shade of red as he reached up and tilted my chin the way I loved. In that moment, it became clear to me how intensely I wanted to hear him say what I was too afraid to.

"Darling, I..." he said quietly as an explosion caught my eye in a picture's reflection of the TV. I turned around, my blood beginning to boil as a wave of reality washed away the dream. I heard a faint 'Pyrrha!' before all external sound was muted leaving only my mind frantically sorting out the current situation.

"What are you doing?" I whispered as I flew to the TV to see Artemis and Nightwing at the launch. If they were there, the rest of the Team was, as well. Kaldur was going to fail but not without an alibi. He had set it up to put the blame on the Team leaving reasonable doubt that he was a spy. That should have given some relief to me that I wouldn't have to out him yet but a red flag was waving erratically in my mind as Kaldur came out of the water.

_This is too obvious of a plan. What's wrong here?_

I clenched my jaw so tight that my jaw began to hurt as Kaldur shot a missile towards the launching shuttle but I could already see Artemis' move before she even pulled back her bow. After she blew up the missile, Kaldur angrily attacked Nightwing and tossed him aside. Another red flag. That hit was not faked. I had been hit by Kaldur's Hard Water attacks and they even left me bruised. That hit definitely left Nightwing with cracked ribs, if not broken. Then, the final red flag waved.

My body froze as I could almost imagine the blade going through my own body. My heat turned into ice in my veins and the red light faded until the room was lit only by the glow of the unholy TV. I didn't know what to make of it.

_It's faked. Kaldur isn't a murderer and Artemis isn't dead._

But as the shuttle exploded and Kaldur left the site, I stared as the heroes gathered to Artemis' body. That's when the pieces came together for me.

_He wasn't a spy. He just wanted me to think he was. I was tricked._

"Don't fall apart, Pyrrha," Lex whispered gruffly in my ear and I realized I was trembling. I was afraid and furious. Furious because Kaldur'ahm had murdered Artemis. Fearful because he now held all of my secrets with nothing to hold him in silence.

I had let him get behind my lines because of our history, because I truly believed he was sweet, caring Kaldur. Now he had me in a corner because he fooled me from the start. He pretended to be my friend. He pretended to keep my secrets. He lured me into believing he was a spy so that I would lose my standing with the Light. As far as I knew, his father and him planned this and Kaldur'ahm used Artemis to drive the nail in my coffin. I'd never forgive him and I'd never forgive myself for not seeing Kaldur'ahm for who he truly was.

The shuttle eroded in the sky and my heart mirrored it. The mission was a success but the rage inside me couldn't be stopped. Lex was right. I shouldn't fall apart. Not now. So I became a stone. I controlled my glowing so well that my skin was like fragile porcelain, threatening to shatter at the slightest touch.

After making the split second, purely rage-induced decision to find Kaldur'ahm's ship in the Atlantic, I grabbed my bag and opened the balcony door. Lex's hand slammed it shut preventing me from leaving. My porcelain skin blazed red but he remained unphased. His eyes were dark and mirrored my anger but for a completely different reason.

"Pyrrha, leave it," he growled. We glared at each other as I slowly placed my hand on his, heating it up.

"Don't you ever tell me what to do, Lex," I seethed. He clenched his jaw from the pain and angrily let out a sharp exhale as he lowered his burned hand.

I should've apologized. I should've let it go. But all that I could think about was burning Kaldur'ahm alive.


	10. Wrath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Year Six:  
> Kaldur'ahm and the others discuss the plan to dismantle the Light and Kaldur admits to the group that he has given up on her as well. Pyrrha finds Kaldur and is out for blood.

_Don't you know?_  
_You took apart my soul._

**BLUDHAVEN**  
**Mar 20 04:07**

As Artemis and Wally said their farewells, Nightwing walked up to me. I knew what he wished to discuss but she was the last thing I wanted to think about.

"Kaldur, what's the status on Pyrrha's suspicions?"

"She is not a problem anymore," I said and I meant it. Once Pyrrha saw that the satellite mission was successful--if she hadn't already--she would have concluded our deal no longer held and that I had the upper hand.

"Kaldur, don't let her play tricks on you," Nightwing warned.

"I haven't let her do anything. I see her for exactly what she is." Nightwing looked at me, confused, trying to figure out what I meant. But he would never know. The Team did not need to know about how Speedy was found or about the clones she used for practice.

"Hey, she's still Jet," Wally said as he and Artemis joined our conversation. "After we succeed, maybe she'll come back. Come home, ya know?"

"Wally," Artemis held his hand, "Do you really think she'll want to come back after she finds out we've infiltrated her organization to bring her plans to a screeching halt?"

"She'll be locked up like the rest of them." Nightwing had made his disdain for Pyrrha known on multiple occasions that normally bothered me but everything had changed.

"Listen," Wally said, "You may be okay with giving up on her but Kaldur and I still have hope. There's no way she's staying in the Light's clutches." Kid Flash and Starling were close due to their love of science so I understood why he believed she was able to be saved. But I knew the truth and the truth was that she was gone.

"Pyrrha isn't a captive," I announced. "She isn't brainwashed. She's as much a part of the Light as the Light is a part of her. Our objective is clear and saving Pyrrha isn't part of it." Betrayed, Wally scowled at me but before he had the oppurtunity to bring up the argument we four had been having for months, I nodded at Artemis. "It's time to go."

 

* * *

 

"Now that we're alone, talk to me." Artemis said after we had entered my ship. "A few months ago, you were all about Pyrrha still being redeemable and now you've written her off? What happened?"

"She's happy where she is," I scowled.

"Do you mean with Luthor?" Her abrupt answer brought unpleasant memories to the forefront of my mind and I let out a tired sigh. "Let me guess. She's just as oblivious as when she was Jet."

"I don't know--" She held her hand up to silence me.

"Listen, anyone can find their way home. You're talking to a kid who came from an entire family of bad guys. All she needs is a reason to come back and to know it's okay to come back. I know Jet. She may be Pyrrha now but she was and will always be a hero. She saved you from that explosion, remember? She's just lost right now and if--at the end of all this--she decides she wants to come back, I'll be the first one to welcome her." I thought about what Pyrrha had done. How calm she was about the blood on her hands. Artemis put her hand on my forearm. "I'm serious, Kaldur. No strings attached."

I nodded as I felt the ship slow and halt.

"Did we just stop?" She asked as a trooper ran towards us.

"Sir, we have a situation. Pyrrha is demanding to see you." My face flushed and I noticed Artemis tense.

"We'll be up momentarily," I advised. The trooper nodded and ran back.

"Pyrrha?" Artemis whispered. "Why is she here?"

"If she is here for what I think she is, this could get dangerous."

"I better start my duty as your sergeant-at-arms, then." Artemis put her Tigress mask on as the top door of the ship opened. The bright red light from Pyrrha rushed into the ship. I had fought Pyrrha before but not at the height of her fury. If the Kobra Cult was decimated, my small ship and it's crew stood little chance.

"Kaldur'ahm!" She roared though her helmet as she descended to the tail of the ship. "What have you done!?"

"That's far enough!" Tigress ordered as she moved forward to meet her but Pyrrha did not even spare a glance. "I told you to stop!"

Pyrrha flared up violently in white flames and sharply turned her head to Tigress.

"Who the hell are you to assume you can tell me what to do?" Pyrrha growled.

"Kaldur'ahm's right hand, Ti--" Pyrrha batted Tigress with ease into the ocean.

"I forgot, I don't give a damn." My men aimed their useless weapons at her but I held my hand out to hold them off as a few pulled Tigress from the water.

"Pyrrha, if you are here about our arrangement, I will not betray you even though you have lost your leverage against me," I said as she came dangerously close. I did not stand a chance as she quickly hit me in the jaw, sending me to the ground.

"Hold your fire!" I heard Tigress shout as I attempted to regain my bearings. Looking up, I saw Pyrrha remove her helmet. Her burning red eyes reminding me of the look she gave me when I offered her pink shirt to her.

"Get up, you piece of shit," Pyrrha cursed as flames erupted from her suit. "Get up!"

I was completely at her mercy. If she wanted to kill me--which I believed she did--I did not have a chance. Cautiously, I stood up only to be punched in the stomach, crippling me to the floor. As I tried to get my air back, she leaned down to my ear, her heat almost unbearable.

"I am holding back, Kaldur'ahm," she whispered menacingly. "I am holding back so I can understand why. Why did you kill her? Befriending me already made me look like a fool. She didn't need to die."

"You gave me the idea, Pyrrha." I coughed as we stood up, both ready to fight. "I needed to prove that I belonged in the Light, without a doubt. And like you, I did it for practice."

Instantly, I regretted my words. I was angry over her actions and wanted to cause her pain but in that selfish moment, I saw Star. Her red light faded as her skin went completely white and her bright red eyes dimmed. I could see through both our hard exteriors and there I saw her pain and betrayal.

In Star's mind, she had been used and tossed away by everyone she let in, betrayed by those she trusted. She didn't keep my secret because she wanted me to keep hers. She kept it because in a den of wolves, she needed me to be Kaldur--her trustworthy leader. She needed me to not be like everyone else.

And I let her down.

Slowly, she walked up to me and gently took my face in her warm hands. I stood still, not knowing if she was going to let me live or crush my head in front of my crew. In front of Artemis. Instead, her eyes that were once filled with fury were now filled with concern. My heart beat wildly as I scowled to protect the secrets I was hiding from her.

"This must be how everyone sees me," she whispered as her eyes scanned every inch of my face. "I can't even see the Tats I knew and loved in your eyes anymore. I'm trying but he's not there." My heart broke. I desired nothing more than to tell her everything. To take her away from the Light. To bring her home.

But the moment for truth had passed and Artemis and I had a mission.

"You never knew me at all," I said gruffly. "And you don't know what love is besides what you can gain from it." Her eyes and her veins glowed brightly but her heat remained controlled. She was no longer furious and wild, she was collected and fearsome. The woman who once nearly killed Superman now had her sights on me and her hands still holding my face.

"I should've left you in that explosion," she said dangerously calm. "One slip up, Kaldur'ahm. That's all I need from you. One moment for your guard to be down and zap," she sent a small shock between us, making me jump from the tension. Her hands lowered threateningly to my heart as she leaned in close and whispered in my ear. "I _suggest_ you never give me that chance, Tats."

She stepped back to give me a final glare before she flew away.

"All that for me?" Tigress asked as she walked up to me. "What arrangement were you talking about?"

"It doesn't matter anymore," I said as I motioned for the men to get the ship moving again.

"Kaldur."

"Tigress, please," I pleaded, wanting nothing more than to be alone. She placed her hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I know what she meant to you. Maybe she'll forgive you after--"

"No. Her forgiveness is not important." I lied. "Let's just finish the mission."

**METROPOLIS**  
**Mar 20, 05:15**

Exhausted, I flew to Lex's apartment to see what I could salvage from the night before. I was nearly confident that by burning him, I really messed things up between us.

As I flew closer, I saw Lex sitting at the table on his balcony and he was in last night's clothes still. Guilt flooded me but stubbornness overpowered it. He saw me coming and stood up quickly.

"Why the hell weren't you answering my calls, Pyrrha? What did you do?" He demanded.

"Please, Lex. I'm tired. I just want to sleep."

"If you hurt him--"

"You'd what?" I snapped, the rage coming back. "You don't even like him anyways. I'd be doing you a favor."

"His father is in the Light. You can't touch him." That was it. I was completely exhausted, heartbroken, confused, and enraged. Scolding me was the worst thing Lex could have done at that moment.

"If I wanted to kill Kaldur'ahm, who would stop me? You?! You don't own me." My anger bubbled up, fueling my irrational thoughts. "I can see you, Lex. All that 'Darling' nonsense and being Lost? You are using me just like before and you will leave me just like before."

A tense moment passed between us. For a brief second, I could see his pain.

"And there it is. I wondered how long it would be until you would bring that up. But this isn't about me. This is about Kaldur'ahm and I will not pay for his mistakes, Pyrrha." He took my hands in his and I caught a glimpse of his burn he still hadn't taken care of. "Haven't I shown my devotion to you? Don't you feel it?"

I did. I knew how he felt and it terrified me. I was in the box again, watching every one turn away from me. Kaldur'ahm was the last one I would've expected to but he did anyways. If Kaldur'ahm would choose to abandon me, then anyone and everyone would eventually. So why delay the inevitable?

"This is over," I said quietly, pulling my hands from his. Panic filled Lex's eyes. I couldn't stand to see it so I turned to leave.

"Darling, please! If you need a break then take all the time in the world but don't," he grabbed my arm tight and pulled me back, "Don't do this, Pyrrha." I looked at his hold on my arm remembering how Nightwing used to pull on me, how my foster parents used to yank me around, how anyone in authority thought they had the right to grab me.

"I forgot how much I hated that," I whispered to myself. I glared at Lex's wild eyes. "What made you think you can grab me like this? You are nothing to me."

His eyes lost their manic look and took on the horrible acid green tone. He let go of my arm and turned from me to go into his apartment without another word. Sighing, I rubbed my face before taking one last look at the city from his balcony. There would be no coming back from this. A tear slid down my cheek before sizzling away and I took off for Suicide Slums.


	11. Dissatisfaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Year Six:  
> Pyrrha takes a break from Metropolis and flies home to Gotham but finds herself right back at LexCorp Tower and is confronted by a past decision.

_So when you cut me, cut me deep_   
_Hurt the ones you love the most easily_

**SUICIDE SLUMS**   
**Mar 21, 12:00**

"Are you leaving, Ms. Pyrrha?" I locked up my room and turned to the old lady.

"Just a small trip, Mrs. Simon," I smiled as I slung my bag over my shoulder. "Need to get away from the city for a few days."

"Oh, I don't know what we'll do without you," she said as she clutched her necklace. Mrs. Simon always feigned being a weak ol' biddy but she grew up in this southside neighborhood that even Superman deemed a lost cause. She was a lot tougher than she looked. "You've been such a blessing to us. Ever since you scared those punk kids, I haven't had a door kicked in for months!"

"They weren't punk kids, Mrs Simon," I laughed. "They were gangmembers. With guns."

"Either way, their faces were priceless when you came up behind them in your devil suit and told them to leave! Just priceless!" She took my hand in hers. "You really mean a lot to us."

"I'm just doing my duty," I explained. Southside Metropolis was a place its inhabitants lovingly called Suicide Slums. When I was released from Cadmus, I missed the gunshots and sirens that lulled me to sleep in Gotham and I wasn't about to head back there so I made Slums my new home.

"But, you don't need to live here," another neighbor popped his head out of his apartment, tired of eavesdropping on our conversation. "You're a hero!"

"Jules!" His girlfriend scolded from inside the doorway. "You can't call her a hero. She's in the campaign against them." She pushed him out of the way to join in on my now public exodus. "She should be living with Lex Luthor."

At the mention of his name, I wondered how many times a heart could break.

"Is his house absolutely gaudy in marble and gold?" She asked. "I bet it has a pool. Does it have a pool?"

"Probably. I've actually never been to his house." They looked at me confused. "It's a long story."

"But he knows you live here in the Slums?" She said distastefully. "Why does he let you live like this?"

" _'Let's'_ me? No one tells me what I can or can't do." I snapped. The group looked a bit shocked so I scrambled to fix what I said. "I like it here. I like being needed." Jules' latest girlfriend rolled her eyes and walked inside their room and Jules shrugged in apology as he followed after her.

"Some people believe material wealth is everything," Mrs. Simon whispered to me and I nodded.

I came from nothing. Barely even a name. Then I lived with a billionaire. Your true colors come out when that happens. But I guess that's why Bruce 'chose' us to be his sidekicks.

"So where will you go on this trip, hon?"

"Old stomping grounds." I kept my answer as vague as possible. "There's some friends I need to see."

"We'll miss you. Can't guarantee your room won't be broken into while you're gone but we'll do our best." Mrs Simon pulled out a small pistol and I smiled uneasily. I could've told her that a gun was useless against the lowlifes in the neighborhood but again, she had lived in Suicide Slums a lot longer than me. She was going to do what she wanted.

I got up in the sky and flew out of Metropolis. The afternoon sun glared off the shiny skyscrapers making me sick. I missed the rain of Gotham. Everything in Metropolis was shiny and gold and fake. I missed the rain of Gotham, the mists that shrouded everything, the cozy melancholy of the nights, the wet sidewalks and old brick buildings, and the nights laying on fire escapes staring at the police helicopters in the sky.

When I reached Gotham City, surprise surprise, not a drop of rain anywhere. I sighed as I began my quest to find a place to stay. However, it was difficult for me to get around Gotham without being noticed by passerby but Nightwing and them were sure to be busy with Kaldur'ahm's betrayal and Artemis' death. As long as it looked like I came in peace, I didn't think we would need to come into contact.

My mind wandered from Lex to Kaldur to Artemis to the Team to Audrey and to Jason before I realized I was standing just outside Wayne Manor's property. Quickly, I hid as I bypassed their security before temptation lured me in for an intimate look at an empty manor. I knew the only people inside would be Tim and Alfred, and I knew exactly what rooms they would be in. Flying to the study, I saw Tim reading a book in one hand and scanning through something on his laptop. An uneasiness came over me as I watched him.

Because of Jason's death, Tim and I never clicked. Seeing him in Robin attire killed me inside every time I saw him. He wasn't Jason at all. Jason was my mischievous imp and Tim was analytical and kind of condescending if you weren't as well read on a subject.

And, his coffee addiction. Even as I watched him, he was gulping at a large mug of what I could only assume was black coffee at this late in the day. I chuckled lightly at the game Grayson told me he made up where anytime he heard a thump, he yelled 'Tim-ber' to alert the others that Tim fainted from consuming nothing but coffee.

**Thud.**

_Damn that kid._

"Timber!" I yelled out against my better judgement and hid as Alfred rushed in to care for the kid.

As Alfred finished his fretting and Tim got back to whatever he was doing, I watched Alfred take a glance around looking for the source of the alert. I could see the worry etched in his face. That's when I realized how badly it must've hurt him knowing 'Miss Regina' tried to kill Master Bruce.

Alfred was my father figure. I know the boys looked to Bruce but I entered the game late and I didn't take to Bruce's tough love strategy. Alfred gave me the unconditional acceptance I craved. And it must've killed him to hear about the things I had done. I prayed to the gods that he didn't know half of it.

**_Bzzt Bzzt_ **

I looked down at my phone and my heart began to beat wildly.

**'Alert: Luthor Office Breach'**

I snapped out of my memory lane trip and pulled the LexCorp security feed up on my phone to find a smoking massive hole right where Lex's office was. Panic set in and I scrambled to find Lex's location. I breathed a sigh of relief when I scanned through the cameras and saw he wasn't in the rubble. I switched the camera feed to the garage and a chill ran through my spine as I saw Speedy.

_The kid only has one arm. And Mercy is there. Lex can take care of himself. He isn't yours to protect._

I watched the anger-fueled teen take on Mercy and would've been impressed if I wasn't so freaked that my leak to Jade was now back to bite me. Once Speedy blew up Mercy's arm and I heard Lex call her name, I found myself flying as fast as I could to Metropolis. Despite our split, Lex still had a hold on my heart and I would never forgive myself if Speedy hurt him.

**METROPOLIS**   
**Mar 21, 19:55**

Smoke billowed out of the parking garage as I flew to the first responders who were aiding the injured.

"Where's Luthor?" I asked a cop. He pointed to another ambulance and I saw Mercy being tended to by a private medic team on site. She looked up at me with a scowl but that's also just how she looked all the time. I couldn't be sure if that was for me or not.

"Gods, Mercy!" I flew to her and dropped my bag as I surveyed her damage giving my best Oscar performance. "You poor thing!"

"And in the middle of the chaos, there was Pyrrha," Lex said sharply from behind me. I turned to see him walking away from reporters and saw the hand I burned was freshly bandaged though his face was tired and dirty. "Mercy had it under control."

"Under control? Her arm is gone and you could've been killed. Who did this?"

"Don't!" He snapped at me, clearly still angry about what I did. "Don't you dare waste my time, Pyrrha. I know Cheshire and Red Arrow stole the boy and I know you told Cheshire where he was." Fury filled his eyes. I tried to keep my glow contained but I was angry. And a bit afraid. I wasn't lying when I told Jade and Kaldur'ahm I had a lot to lose if this got out.

"I'll skip the part where I ask how you know and go directly to asking if you've been spying on me."

"I didn't need to. You've been extremely careless," he said venomously. "Did you really think I didn't know you hacked into my security cameras?"

"Then, while we're accusing," my jealousy and anger got the better of my rational side, "what was that call out for Mercy?"

"Oh, _Darling_ ," he scoffed as he walked closer, threateningly. "You've lost your edge. Mercy has one purpose: To serve me. She does it well and without question." It was a clear jab at me ignoring his demand and attacking Kaldur'ahm.

"We can't all be content being subservient. I'd kill a thousand men before I bowed to one." Mercy scowled at me. Or maybe it was just how she always looked. Gods, I never knew.

"The young Mr. Harper reminded me of you." Lex smiled at my agitation. "Blinded by rage, wildly attacking without thinking. All he needed was to be guided. Like you were."

"You think you guided me?" I whispered dangerously, trying to control my glowing. "You never called the shots, Lex. I always had more control over you than you've had over me. Do you not remember the night after I attacked Superman?" He raised an eyebrow and smiled at the memory of the night we shared.

"From what I remember," he leaned in close enough for me to smell his faint scent while he whispered in my ear, "I can make you lose control with a whisper." He leaned back to smirk at my bright glow.

_He's playing with me._

"You could have had happiness, Pyrrha." He backed further away from me, his voice taking on a more bitter tone. "But you threw it away. And why? Because secretly, you like the pain and agony. You like it because you believe you deserve it." I felt caught in a trap. I shouldn't have showed any emotion at the attempt on his life, let alone show up at all. My heart began to ache every second I stood in front of him.

"But what does my opinion matter to you?" He continued. "Especially since our Atlantean is still alive, left with only a couple of bruises." He clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "Were you really doing your best to contain your anger or was it really that unbearable to hurt your beloved Kaldur'ahm?" I clenched my jaw as his hits kept coming.

"Kaldur'ahm means no--"

"'Nothing to you.' Yes. I've been hearing that a lot lately," he said sarcastically. His eyes landed on my bag on the ground. Quickly, he grabbed it and with his other hand held up a single finger to warn me to stay back and not cause a scene since the reporters were still there.

Rule number one when you date a public figure: Keep the domestics private.

"Going somewhere? Or maybe you were already somewhere. Let's see. It took you under an hour to respond and you look like you haven't slept. Let me hazard a guess. Your Atlantean is no longer an option so you wanted to see if Nightwing still had your number."

I lifted my chin defiantly despite the almost audible shattering of my heart as he used his arsenal of narcissistic weapons to hurt me. But unluckily for him, I wasn't going to accept his abuse like he thought. I was from Gotham and I wasn't going to take his shit.

"Oh, Lex, you're going to have to try harder than that if you want to hurt me. You must be feeling very insecure right now to be lashing out at the best thing that ever happened to you."

And there, at that moment, I had a glimpse of the true emotion Lex felt. I expected anger or apathy but instead, I saw pain. The victory of shutting the indomitable Lex Luthor down was spoiled and I wasn't sure who the bad guy was anymore. Him or me.

 


	12. Addiction

_My love is wasted, sorry for this,_   
_I never meant to be hurting ourselves and I'm complicated, you won't get me, I have trouble understanding myself_

**SUICIDE SLUMS**   
**Mar 24 03:00**

The familiar sounds of sirens and gunshots rang out as I walked into my secret room. Once the door was closed, all sound was blocked out and the Light from the blue screens mixed with my red glow creating a light purple hue. I stood in front of my screens--the ones I had committed terrible acts to have the right to stand in front of--and dreaded them turning on.

Kaldur'ahm had just committed his own acts by destroying Mount Justice, the place we both once called 'Home'. Not that we cared about it anymore. If I wasn't so furious at his betrayal, I would've reveled in the destruction but whichever way this meeting was about to fall, I was about to lose everything. My credibility was ruined. The only good thing was that my incessant scratching had subsided and my arms were almost healed.

The screens lit up and I saw everyone's faces--their judgement. No one was enjoying it more than Klarion and Queen Bee and I wanted to smack their smirks off of their twisted faces.

"Well, Pyrrha?" Savage asked. "What do you say concerning the loyalty of Kaldur'ahm?"

"Yes, how has your woman's intuition led you?" Queen Bee mocked. I paused and swallowed my pride. The blue glow from the screens hurt my tired eyes.

"I have found no reason," I took a deep breath, "to keep Kaldur'ahm out of the Light."

"See!" Klarion shouted. "I told you she was jealous of him! Teekl can smell her psychosis from here. She's losing it."

"That's enough," Manta said, surprising everyone at the meeting, including me. Kaldur'ahm used our friendship against me and had cost me my prestige. I thought for sure him and his father had made the plan. His defense was the last thing I expected. "She had every reason to be wary of him. Her trust was tested and if she believes him then her trust in him surpasses my own."

"Oui," the Brain agreed. "Bring Kaldur'ahm out. Let us congratulate ze young man."

As the murderous Atlantean was welcomed into the Light, everything became white noise to me. I was completely uninterested in anything happening before me. I was tired and grieving. My life had fallen apart while Kaldur'ahm's had soared into the Light. Not that I considered the Light the catalyst for the change of mankind anymore. We were all just traitors hyped up on our own egos and linked by smoke and mirrors to bring the worst being imaginable to earth.

The screens went black leaving only my red glow to light the dark, silent room as I hoped Manta's defense of kept the literal backstabbing at bay. I grabbed my bag and left the quiet and walked back into the noise of the city and of my life. I didn't know where I would go this time to escape my sleep deprivation but I knew I couldn't stay in Metropolis.

**_Bzzt Bzzt_ **

I looked down at my phone.

I scoffed at the presumptuous text and continued to my front door to head back out to nowhere in particular.

**_Bzzt Bzzt_ **

I looked up in the entryway mirror. Lex was right, albeit, rude.

**_Bzzt Bzzt_ **

I caught myself smiling and bit my lip to stop. Lex and I severed things between us pretty thoroughly and a few days ago, had said some hurtful things out of anger and pain. But in spite of my better judgement, I missed him. I missed his scent. I missed listening to him read classical texts. I missed looking out at the city on his balcony with his arms around me. I missed hearing him call me 'Darling'. If you would've told me a year ago that on July 4th, I would die and become a human embodiment of the sun and fall in love with Lex Luthor, I would've said you were crazy. Then probably send you to Arkham. But here I was, standing at the front doors of my boarding house, staring at a town car sent by Lex to take me to his apartment.

"Go," Mrs. Smith said as she walked up beside me. "Love rarely knocks twice."

"You gotta stop fussing over me," I smiled at the gritty old lady. "Don't you ever sleep?"

"Not much, dear. Suicide Slums does that. It makes us hard." Her eyes softened as she looked at something in the distance. "I wasnt always so hard. I loved once. He was handsome and kind. But there was a war and he wanted me to wait. You don't tell a Suicide girl what to do."

"I completely understand." My thoughts turned to Gotham. No one makes it out of there unscathed. We carry a bit of the wretched city with us. It hurt us but in doing so it made us stronger so we wear the scars it caused like armor against the rest of the world.

"Not a day goes by that I wonder if he knew how I truly felt." She chuckled at the anxious driver who stood outside the car, looking very uncomfortable in his surroundings. She frowned. "Does Luthor know?"

I shook my head. "That's not really who we are. It's more of a in-the-moment kind of relationship."

"Love is wasted on you two. If I could go back, I would have loved my soldier until his dying day which came all too soon. So go. Love." This woman could run on two hours of sleep. I had no hope of arguing with her in my state. In fact, she looked ready to pick me up and throw me in the car.

"Thanks, Mrs. Smith. I'm pinning this on you if it goes sideways," I joked as she waved me out the door.

The extremely relieved driver helped me into the car and took off a little too quickly for a professional. I laughed to myself as I watched the sleepy side of Metropolis blur by my window. After the car pulled up to the front of LexCorp Tower, the doorman held the front door but I waved him away and slowly flew up to the newly renovated balcony.

In the quiet calm of the morning, light music floated in the air. I peeked over the railing and saw the balcony covered in flowers and candles. Fighting to keep my glow contained as my heart beat loudly, I floated over to Lex's room and spied inside to see Lex standing in front of his mirror, straightening his suit. I chuckled to myself. If he could sleep in a suit, I think he would. He paused his fidgeting and looked at his nightstand. On it was the aluminum case containing the rare book he gave me before I flew off to attack Kaldur'ahm. Regret filled my bones. That night meant a lot to him. And I ruined it.

I snuck back to the balcony and wandered around to admire the flowers while I waited for him to come out. An odd white flower in a special vase on the table caught my eye. It wasn't spectacular in any way. It was actually kind of spindly but I leaned in to smell it and was taken back something I couldn't visually place. Swirls of blurry images and echoes of familiar voices filled me with calm.

"It's called a Kadupul," Lex said softly. I could hear how tired he was.

"I've never seen one before," I said cooly. I wasn't going to act as if everything was suddenly okay between us.

"They are literally a priceless flower. They don't leave their native land so they can't be purchased. They wither almost instantly." I looked at him puzzled at the impossible flower in the vase. He smiled smugly. "I have a 'friend' that slowed the time on the flower."

"You have a friend that can bend time." I said sarcastically. "Why am I not surprised?"

"He's more of a nuisance than a friend but he owed me a favor." I kept my eyes on the flower but I could feel him looking at me.

"You said it never leaves it's land." I frowned. "But I remember it's smell. I just dont remember from where."

"Metropolis General," he explained. "I filled your room with these while you were there." I looked at him surprised. His face was serious as he looked back at the flower.

"Why would you fill my room with priceless flowers?" I asked. "You didn't even know me."

"If I hadn't trusted my scientists so easily, you wouldn't have been hurt. I guess I felt guilty." He handed me a nearby rose. I smirked and tapped the blooming bud on his chest.

"Lex Luthor wouldn't know guilt if it shook his hand and gave him an off-white business card with embossed lettering and a watermark." He smiled and tried to hide it. I missed that smile but I had seen the darker side to him only a few days ago so I raised my wall again. I placed the rose on the table. "What's the point of this, Luthor?"

"Lex."

"If you're expecting an apology from me, you won't get it."

"And neither will you," he snapped at me. Instantly he sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. We were both tired, stressed and completely emotionally incapable of talking this out.

A slow song began playing over the speakers and Mrs. Smith's words played in my head.

_Go. Love._

"I've kinda missed this view," I said trying to change the tone of the morning. He looked at me, slightly confused as he tried to figure me out. His gaze went out to the skyline of Metropolis and back to me before smiling slightly.

"Me too."

"Will you dance with me?" I asked holding out my hand.

"Hold you for four minutes with no interruptions?" He took my hand with his still-bandaged hand, sending guilt through me as he placed the other hand on my waist. "Not a force in this world could stop me, Darling." Swaying to the soft music, I laid my head on his chest as his familiar scent lightly mingled with the flowers. But soon, the elephant on the balcony grew too big to ignore.

"You were right," I admitted, glowing in pulses as the anger of Kaldur'ahm's betrayal fought with the feelings I had for Lex. "My history distracted me."

"I told you to leave him alone," he said matter-of-factly. I pulled back and scowled.

"A good boyfriend doesn't say 'I told you so'." I scolded.

"I never said I was good." He smirked as he spun me out and twirled me, making me glow brightly. He gently pulled me back to him as he stopped dancing. Taking hold of my hands, he held them to his chest. "Here's my offer: we take a vacation. Get out of the city. Get Lost again. But only if you want that."

This was a disaster waiting to happen. At our worst, I knew we would burn the world just to hurt the other but at our best, the world was our playground. It would never be what it was before but even the beginning of the relationship was built on him abandoning me after we bluffed each other into showing our true feelings.

The truth was, I was addicted to him. I stayed away from drugs and alcohol because of my parents' addiction which led to their deaths but I never prepared for this type of dependency. I wasn't and would never be prepared to stand in the same room as him and not want to feel his touch.

I nodded slightly, even as my conscious was screaming for me to run. Lex smiled brightly as he let go of my hands and ran his fingers through my hair. His touch was electric filling me with euphoria and trepidation.

_**Bzzt Bzzt** _

Lex sighed, annoyed. "You couldn't have turned it off?"

"Oh, Darling, that's not my phone," I joked as I patted his chest. His eyes narrowed and his smile faded. "Is it a business deal? You don't look too happy about it."

"I'm not." I had never seen Lex look this way. I touched his face and he closed his eyes to hide his pain. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me tighter than he ever had. The bittersweet thought rushed through my mind. If I let myself love him again, I needed to be prepared for more pain. But maybe that's what love was. Pain with the pleasure. How many truly happy couples were there?

"Come," I whispered into his ear and led him to his room.

In a perfect romance, he would finally confess or I'd grow the ovaries to tell him how I felt. We'd marry, live happily ever after, grow fat and old and die. But this wasn't a perfect romance. We were flawed in our makings. We had pushed those words down for so long that the moment passed and it was too late. How were we to know events would unfold so we would never be able to say those important three words?


	13. Maldives

_Little do you know_   
_I'm trying to make it better piece by piece_   
_Little do you know_   
_I love you till the sun dies_

**MALDIVES**   
**Mar 31, 20:00**

As Metropolis was thawing from the cold winter, our private beach was the perfect temperature. To my delight, even suit-obsessed Lex opted for beach attire. Our days were spent snorkeling and sightseeing and our nights were spent enjoying the restaurants and the quiet of our private villa. I hadn't felt so happy in a long time and hadn't had a single nightmare. In fact, I slept so well I couldn't even remember my dreams. With no distractions from the Light or the League, Lex and I were completely Lost in each other. I discovered that my cheeks ached from smiling nonstop which only deepened my feelings for him.

That night, we took a walk to see a rare treat. A gorgeous phenomenon called the Sea Of Stars where the beach lit up blue from the bioilluminescence of the phytoplankton. I joked as we looked at the odd blue glow rolling in on the waves that it was nice not being the only glowing thing on the beach.

As we walked in the luminescent waves, I looked up at the stars in the clear sky. It seemed so strange and satisfying knowing that somewhere in those stars was Bruce. Rotting in space jail.

I looked at Lex and caught him staring at me.

"Why are you looking at me? We're in paradise. Look out there!"

"I am looking at paradise." I glowed brightly. He stopped walking, gently guiding me to stand in front of him. My stomach fluttered as he smiled at me and tilted my chin. "May I?"

"You may," I beamed. When he kissed me, I lit up the beach, unable to remember a time when I felt this happy. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I kissed him deeper. He chuckled at my aggressiveness and held me tight before I broke away from his lips. Content and blissfully happy, I rested my head on his chest.

"I wish we could stay like this," I whispered as the waves rolled in at our feet, leaving a blue glow as the water receded. "I want to stay this happy forever."

"Darling," he whispered but his voice was serious. "If it involves our happiness, nothing could stop me from securing and protecting it."

"Have you always been such a sap or is it all for little ol' me?" I teased.

"Since you came into my life, everything I've done has been for you. You'll be my downfall, Darling, and I couldn't be happier." He chuckled softly to himself. "My lawyers even demanded I sign something saying that if anything spur of the moment happened, prenuptials are mandatory."

I pulled back from him as I glowed brightly at his hint, rivaling the bright blue glow of the ocean.

"Lex Luthor, are you saying you'd want to marry me?" He inhaled sharply and looked away. Gently, I took his face in my hands and guided him back to meet my eyes. His green eyes begged me to let it go, worried of my response. "It's okay. I'm not ready for that. Maybe one day but there's no rush, Lex. I'm not going anywhere and I'm not letting you go." His body relaxed and his chest puffed out as if I had just accepted a long overdue proposal. I held his face in my hands and leaned in.

"Mr. Luthor, Ms. Pyrrha," one of Lex's security team intruded on our moment. "You are requested." We both sighed in unison.

"This can't be good. Want to bet it's Fishboy?" Lex mocked.

"What would I win?" I smirked at him.

"You're looking at it." I laughed as I took his arm and we headed to our villa where Savage's face was waiting for us on a small secure tablet.

"What's happened?" I asked.

"Apologies for the intrusion. Our partner has been raided by the young covert team. The shipment was taken."

"Any other damage?" Lex asked, somewhat more concerned than he needed to be.

"It's unclear at this time." Savage said mysteriously. "However, Kaldur'ahm was aboard delivering the shipment. He was attacked by Miss Martian."

My heart stopped. I knew from when I was part of the team the kind of power M'gann had. Connor and I had sat in the silence of the forest outside of Mount Justice many times after she had used it and it was clear how badly it tormented him to see her rip minds into pieces and cast the body aside. I imagined Kaldur'ahm being that body.

"He's catatonic." I finished Savage's point for him and the two men looked at me. Lex tensed next to me and I heard his teeth grind slightly.

"Yes," Savage affirmed. "The Reach has gone public. Pyrrha, we'll need you to come back and talk on Godfrey's show to spin the favor."

I nodded and the call ended. The tension was becoming so thick I thought we'd start choking. I took a glance at him only to be met with his blazing acid eyes looking at me like I had lit his suit collection on fire.

"Don't look at me like that, Lex."

"Why not?" His voice felt like razor blades in my heart. "I can see it written on your face. After everything he did to you, why do you care what happens to him? Why are you so obsessed with him, Pyrrha?"

"I'm not obsessed with him." I sat on the bed, already over the arguing. "I just know Miss Martian and that means Kaldur'ahm is completely gone. Manta is already driven by his emotions. This could prove disastrous for us."

He searched my eyes intensely but let out a sharp exhale and rubbed his face before he knelt in front of me. I looked at him, confused and still angry, as he took hold of my hand.

"Pyrrha, I'll only ask this once. Please answer me honestly." When he looked up in my eyes, his visible pain made a breath hitch in my chest. "Are you still Lost? In me?"

My heart sank. How could I have been so selfish? This man was in new territory. He was a narcissist that shared the spotlight with me. A megalomaniac that worshipped me. 'Sorry' wasn't in his vocabulary. 'Forgive me' wasn't in his vocabulary. Despite what I said on New Year's about accepting him for what he was, I made him become something he wasn't and was angry at him for failing to fit the mold.

My hands moved slowly to his face and I smiled. "Don't fall apart, Luthor," I whispered on his lips as I kissed him softly. "Come. I'll show you how Lost I am."

I let him go and flew out of the room. Looking back to make sure he was watching, I heated up to burn my light beachwear off. He scoffed and smirked as I floated to the glowing moonlit water, beckoning him to follow.

**MALDIVES**   
**Mar 31, 23:00**

I waited until her breathing slowed and watched her chest rise and fall in a peaceful rhythm. Her veins glowed in light pulses and her face was serene and content. This trip was exactly what she needed, what we needed. I was glad she was back in my arms but the way it had to happen wasn't the price I wanted to pay. Even though Manta tried to help her case, her mental health was transparently clear and was blood in the shark infested water. I would never forgive Kaldur'ahm for using her. For breaking her.

Nothing showed her mental break more than the nightmares she tried to hide from me. How she hadn't burned her hovel of an apartment up, I'll never know. I had to slip something in her water before we went to sleep every night to keep the terrors at bay and I hated having to do so. But seeing her sleeping peacefully and to see her smiling the next morning was worth the cost.

**_Bzzt Bzzt_ **

I didn't need to look at it. I knew who it was and what they wanted. A knot began to build in my stomach but I knew this needed to happen. My goddess sighed happily in her sleep as I brushed her black hair back.

"One day you'll understand, Darling," I whispered. "Absolute Zero."

Her serene smile disappeared and her breathing remained in a slow and trance-like rhythm as I pulled out a sterile syringe and needle from a black bag. Slowly, I inserted it into her skin and began taking the routine samples. With every passing minute, a new tear fell from under her dark lashes and with every passing minute, I found a new low I could sink to.

**MALDIVES**   
**Apr 1, 07:40**

The sound of birds woke me and I found myself alone with my arm around a pillow.

"Pyrrha?" Panicked, I sat up. "Pyrrha!"

"Shh! I'm right here." She came out of the bathroom, her hair wet from a shower. "Not so fun waking alone, is it?" She pulled out her suit.

"You're leaving?"

"I have to prepare for Godfrey's thing and if I leave now, I can make the earlier flight. I also wanted time to move my things," she fidgeted with her luggage straps and looked up to at me with those gorgeous red eyes. "That is, if the apartment offer is still on the table?"

My heart skipped a beat as I realized what she was saying. I pulled her down into the bed and kissed her in a frenzy as she giggled. But out of the corner of my eye, her inflamed and freshly mutilated arms reminded me how fragile this happiness was.


	14. Betrayal

_We all have someone that digs at us_   
_At least we dig each other_   
_So when sickness turns my ego up_   
_I know you'll act as a clever medicine_

**METROPOLIS**   
**Apr 2, 07:00**

The lights on Godfrey's set were blinding. How he did his song and dance routine everyday was beyond my comprehension. Then again, Godfrey wasn't exactly normal and soon, nothing would be.

My arms began to itch underneath my red and black suit. I chalked it up to anxiety but I would have to just endure the itching in my bones for the interview. At least there was one bright point. Lex would be home soon.

_Home._

I smiled as I tried to contain my bliss-fueled flames. On our vacation, Lex let it slip that he had at least considered the possibility that his feelings for me were strong enough to consider the logistics of marrying me. He didn't flat out ask and I didn't flat out decline. What I did, however, was still a terrifyingly big step and now his Tower apartment had boxes filled with my things waiting to be unpacked.

Objectively, I knew this was only trouble. Ours was a relationship that would need constant care if it were to stand up even in the best situations. But who thinks objectively when they're in love?

A makeup stylist walked towards me with her arsenal of face paint. Memories of having the thick layers covering my skin so I could remain hidden from the League and the Team flooded my brain and so did images of Audrey, the beautiful, hopeful girl who was murdered because I hid my identity. I backed away from the stylist and lit up brightly in warning.

"I know you aren't coming at me with that nonsense," I growled. She looked at me terrified and stammering.

"What the poor dear is trying to spit out is that you look tired, Pyrrha," Godfrey explained backhandedly as he walked up to me. "Tropical paradise not relaxing enough?"

"I did just fly across the sea."

"Yes. In a plane."

"A twenty hour plane ride is still a twenty hour plane ride, Godfrey." I rolled my eyes and signalled the girl to come forward. "Let's just record this thing. I have other things I'd rather be doing."

"Ah yes, how is your tumultuous romance with the magnanimous Luthor?" He taunted.

"You should really think about sticking to your cue cards," I warned as the makeup was painted on me. He sneered as the crew began to quiet the set. The red light went on and our fake faces shone for the country to see, smiling at each other like idiots.

"We are here with Pyrrha of Metropolis to speak about the global news that is the arrival of the Reach. Pyrrha, you have openly condemned aliens for months now. How do you feel about the Reach's arrival?"

"I'll be honest, Gordon. I'm wary, at best. I know first hand what putting trust in aliens can mean. However, I do appreciate them coming to us the right way. If there can be such a thing."

"Aren't you afraid you'll look hypocritical?"

"Not at all. In fact I want nothing more than to be proven wro--" Strawberry blond hair caught my eye behind the cameras before disappearing into the crew. My heart began to pound as I tried to see past the bright lights.

"Pyrrha?" I turned back to Godfrey, wide eyed and confused.

"I'm sorry. I seem to have lost my train of thought."

"You were saying how you want the Reach to prove you wrong," Gordon said, hiding his annoyance. I took a deep breath and continued, doing my best not to scratch at my arms.

"Yes, the Reach claims to w-want to help us and they don't seem... to have the favor of the Justice League. I--uhm--can only rationalize the argument in favor of them is that th-the enemy of my enemy is my friend."

"Wonderfully put," he said mocking me. "So glad to have you on." We smiled at each other with big fake smiles until we were given the all clear.

"Thank goodness we weren't live," Godfrey said sarcastically.

"Yeah, live," I said absentmindedly. As soon as the audio tech took the mic off of me, I flew out of my seat looking for Audrey, all while obsessively scratching my burning arm.

 

* * *

 

"What do you want, Godfrey?"

"I think you'd be interested in something, Your Grace."

"And what would that be?"

"The mental unraveling of Luthor's pet, Pyrrha."

"That _is_ interesting. You have my attention. Continue."

**LEXCORP TOWER**   
**Apr 3, 10:00**

Eating a late breakfast, I sat on Lex's balcony after unpacking a few boxes. I should've unpacked them after Gordon's interview but when Lex came through the door after his long flight and saw me putting my clothes away in his--our--dresser, I didn't get much free time. We even made use of his last possible second with me before he had to begin his long day of meetings.

 

* * *

 

The morning light began to filter through the skyscrapers till it finally reached our bedroom. I smiled as I watched it creep up the bed until it touched Lex's face. His eyes opened slowly as his green eyes found me.

"Morning," he whispered and smiled.

"Morning," I whispered back and bit my lip. He wrapped his arms around me and took a deep breath in.

"I don't want to leave this bed."

"You have a booked day. You pushed off too many things for our trip." I kissed him.

"It was worth it." He grabbed his watch from the nightstand.

"What are you looking at?"

"Seeing if we have time." He smirked and the room lit up red.

"Well, don't keep me in suspense. Do we have time?"

"Not for everything I want to do to you but I'm willing to take that chance." I laughed as he threw the covers over us.

 

* * *

 

The memory played in my head and my heat bloomed. I rubbed my sore cheeks and forced myself to stop smiling before returning my attention to the latest issue of Daily Planet that proved very entertaining. The Reach had just revealed the Watchtower to the world and I only wished Batman could be here to see the mess we were creating.

"Bell," I announced as I began eating a piece of toast, keeping my eyes on the paper. "That's what your birthday gift is this year. How are you so loud?" Jason mocked me as he yanked the toast out of my hand and sat down next to me. I looked over the edge of the railing. "How did you even get up here?"

"I told you," he said with a mouth full. "I've got a friend."

"Jason Todd doesn't have friends." He scowled at me until I pushed my breakfast plate to him. Some things never changed. He always ate like a dog under the table. I smiled at the skunk haired boy. "I thought I'd seen the last of you."

"Never believe you've seen the last of me. Us Robins are like bad pennies. We always come back." He smirked up at me with those mischievous blue eyes and I smiled back.

"I missed you." I handed him my orange juice and he took a big gulp before gagging.

"Ugh, this is straight juice! Doesn't your boyfriend have alcohol? You're supposed to be drinking mimosas or something, right?"

"You know I don't drink." He pulled out a cigarette and tried to light it but his lighter was empty.

"Help a guy out?" He mumbled with the cigarette in his mouth. I reached forward but instead of lighting it, I snatched the cigarette and broke it.

"No smoking up here either."

"You used to be fun, Reggie. Now you're playing house with the sociopathic Lex Luthor." He narrowed his eyes at me.

"You get one and only one." I held up a finger. "I'm warning you."

"So am I, Reggie. That's why I'm here." I looked at him confused. "Saw your Godfrey special. You looked like shit. You still do."

"What do you care?" I grabbed my breakfast back and started scratching my arm mindlessly. His face grew worried as he saw my scabbed arms.

"What the hell have you done?!" He exclaimed as he grabbed my arms. I pulled them back as a bird landed on the balcony railing watching our interaction.

"Don't worry about me."

"Of course I'm going to worry about you, Reggie. You spaced out on live TV, you look like you haven't slept in days, and you made a drastic life decision you're going to regret. You are breaking down!"

"He doesn't know the half of it," the bird chirped out. I looked at it in disbelief. It began to chirp wildly at me before Jason shooed it away.

"When was the last time you slept? Really slept?" He asked trying to get my attention back. "When did the nightmares begin?"

"Wha--How'd you know?"

"When did it start?" He asked seriously.

"Just before you showed up. And they never stopped," I confided. He pursed his lips and stood up.

"It's an after-effect of the way we came back." I looked up at him as he put his hand on my shoulder. How did I not see it? I saw the emptiness in him but never realized he saw my emptiness, too. "You need to pay attention to them. I followed you to the cemetery, not to just freak you out, but because you were in my nightmares." His blue eyes grew dark. "You are going to die, Reggie. Luthor is going to kill you."

I stared at him seriously, our scowls mirroring each other's. I couldn't hold it in anymore and I burst out into laughter and Jason crossed his arms angrily, looking like a pouty fourteen year old again. I wiped the tears from my eyes and composed myself.

"I can't believe you are still so jealous! I would've figured you outgrew it after all this time."

"What?" His eyes were wide and panicked.

"Come on, Jason. We're both adults now, more or less. You looked up to me, followed me everywhere, sat in between me and Grayson at every chance you could. I knew you had a crush but I never thought you would try something like this."

"I didn't have a crush on you!" He threw his arms out as he became more and more flustered.

"Oh, Jason," I stood up and cupped his adorably reddened face in my hands. "You know I love you--" He pushed me away roughly enough for me to almost knock the table over.

"I swear to God, if you say 'like a brother', I'm going to punch you." I laughed a little but bit my lip as I saw his embarrassment.

"We are closer than that. What we've been through together, what we've been through apart, there's no word for what we are." His arms were still crossed as he leaned against the wall. "But your nightmare was just that--a nightmare. Lex wouldn't kill me. He's devoted to me."

His blue eyes shot up to me with anger. "Because he's such an upstanding and honest man, you take him at his word?" He tossed a handful of small cameras on the table. "Picked these from your now empty apartment."

"How do I know that Lex put those there? How do I know these are even from my apartment?" I picked one up and looked it over, seeing the LexCorp logo on it. An uneasiness began to pool in my stomach. "I have a lot of enemies, Jason."

"Your heart is clouding your mind, Reggie. Bruce was an ass but he taught us better than that. Luthor put the same cameras in your apartment that he uses here." I looked up at him, confusion clearly written on my face. "Really? You never gave this place a once over?"

He grabbed my hand and led me to the two just on the balcony. They matched the ones on the table. I didn't know how I didn't see them before. My skin began to crawl at the idea of Lex watching me in my own apartment.

"I've bypassed them to speak to you but the trust you've put in Luthor isn't reciprocated. He's been spying on you the entire time. Do you really think that he loves you? You said yourself he doesn't operate like that. He's only keeping you close to control you." I was reminded of Lex talking about his explanation of merging companies to control the other. I sank back into my chair as I tried to come to grips with my new reality. Jason sat with me and took my hand. I looked up, terrified, as my arm began to throb. The nightmares of Lex and the needles screamed from the back of my mind. I held my arms in front of Jason.

"What about these? What do these mean?"

"I don't know." He rubbed his fingers over the fresh wounds. "This didn't happen to me but I'd bet it was linked to Luthor somehow. He's going to kill you, Reggie. I'm taking you out of here. I have friends that can protect you. I'm gonna keep you safe."

"I can't leave, Jason." I pulled my arms back and sank into the chair again, fighting back my anger as I stared at the little cameras on the table. Looking up, I saw the familiar blue eyes that used to follow me everywhere, the blue eyes that now worried for me when they should be afraid of me. "I can't run from this. You have no idea what we've started."

 

* * *

 

I held the railing with everything I had as I watched Jason leave. I didn't even have the sense of mind to wonder who that friend was that grabbed him from his death as he jumped off the balcony. All I could do was keep my back to the balcony cameras and everything they stood for. Lies. More and more lies. My arms burned and ached but I knew no amount of scratching would cure it. I was breaking and Lex was at the center of it all.

A small bird landed on the ledge and began mocking me as I struggled just to breathe.

"Not a hero! Not a villain! You are nothing. You are nothing! YOU ARE NOTHING!"

**LEXCORP TOWER**   
**(Ten Floors Down)**   
**Apr 3, 10:00**

I sat in a meeting while my Board of Directors droned on about something or another. My thoughts were elsewhere. With Pyrrha. It was torture knowing she was only a few floors away.

When I returned from Maldives, I wasn't sure what I would feel once I went through the elevator doors that went directly to the apartment. A part of me worried Pyrrha wouldn't be there, that she would've rethought us moving so fast again.

I heard her voice call out from the bedroom and when I walked in, my body tensed up in the way I hated but Pyrrha wasn't even standing near me to cause it. She was simply folding her clothes and putting them in the dresser. That's when I realized I could have it all: wealth, power, and her. I spent my life knowing that it was impossible to have everything so I gave up on love. But with Pyrrha, we both wanted the same things and we both wanted each other. If things with the latest round of samples went well, I'd have everything.

She looked at me glowing brightly enough that I could feel her heat from the doorway. I smirked at her as I made a beeline to her and scooped her up. She laughed and yelled at me about needing to unpack but it all could wait. I wanted her attention and affection for the rest of the day and night.

I caught myself smiling slightly at the memory as the door opened and Mercy walked into the meeting which was something she knew never to do. Realizing this was important, I excused myself and walked out of the room with her. She held up a tablet with the apartment's video feed that showed the same bird flying in front of the camera in intervals of five seconds. The video had been hacked. Mercy keyed the override code and the video was live.

A young boy of maybe sixteen or seventeen stood on my balcony and was speaking to Pyrrha.

"Audio," I demanded and Mercy set to work fixing the problem.

"Lex wouldn't kill me. He's devoted to me."

"Because he's such an upstanding and honest man, you take him at his word?" He threw something on the table and a chill ran up my spine as I recognized them. "Picked these from your now empty apartment."

"How do I know that Lex put those there? How do I know these are even from my apartment?" She inspected one. "I have a lot of enemies, Jason."

"Your heart is clouding your mind, Reggie. Bruce was an ass but he taught us better than that. Luthor put the same cameras in your apartment that he uses here." Her head shot up to him. "Really? You never gave this place a once over?"

He ushered her to the camera I was looking at her through and my blood ran cold as her red eyes showed her heart breaking.

"I've bypassed them to speak to you but the trust you've put in Luthor isn't reciprocated. He's been spying on you the entire time. Do you really think that he loves you? You said yourself he doesn't operate like that. He's only keeping you close to control you." Pyrrha fell into a chair, thinking. The boy held her hand before she threw her mutilated arms to him.

"What about these? What do these mean?"

"I don't know. This didn't happen to me but I'd bet it was linked to Luthor somehow. He's going to kill you, Reggie. I'm taking you out of here. I have friends that can protect you. I'm gonna keep you safe."

"I can't leave, Jason." Her voice sounded like it was on the verge of tears. "I can't run from this. You have no idea what we've started."

I knew the daughter of Ra's al Ghul had resurrected the boy but I didn't know they had lost control of him. Suddenly, the memory of Pyrrha trying to feel me out as she said she went to Gotham to visit him became clear. She had found out he was alive and wanted to know if I knew, as well.

I looked back at the feed as the boy jumped off the balcony and was carried away by an orange blur. My heart beat wildly as I watched Pyrrha hold the railing, her body trembling. I wanted to run to her, to explain everything but I knew she wouldn't believe me. Not now.

A few moments ago, I had everything. Now I had nothing. She would never forgive me for this and I would never be with her again.

I noticed a bird landed on the railing next to Pyrrha, chirping at her. She grabbed the bird so quickly that I almost missed it. It screeched in terror until it suddenly went silent in her grip. Holding the limp bird over the railing, she dropped it's body devoid of any emotion. I swallowed hard as I looked at the god I ruined.

"What have I done?"


	15. Confront

_Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer_   
_I tell my love to wreck it all_   
_Cut out all the ropes and let me fall_

**LEXCORP TOWER**   
**Apr 3, 19:00**

The elevator whirred as it made the short trip up to the apartment. I wished it would just break down, stranding me in a stasis of time. If it didn't make it to her floor, if it didn't reach her, if the doors didn't open it felt as if nothing had changed. She didn't see the cameras. She didn't repack everything. She didn't decide to leave me.

But she did.

The elevator dinged to remind me that when the doors opened, I would be lucky just to leave with my life.

 

* * *

 

In the now empty apartment, I leaned on the couch, literally fuming smoke as I waited for Lex to come home.

_'Home'. What a joke. How was it every time I let this man into my heart, it shattered within a few days?_

The pain inside me had me splitting at the seams as I struggled to keep my temperamental anger under control. My world was blurring between reality and psychosis but the cameras were real. Jason was real. That bird felt very real.

The elevator door opened and I fought to keep my fire under control as Lex walked in. He stopped and looked around the apartment. His face, expressionless.

"Where's your boxes?" He asked nonchalantly as he began taking off his tie.

I wanted to choke him with it. I wanted to melt his skin off and watch his screaming body flail around the apartment and hopefully off the balcony. I also wanted nothing to do with him but now our fates were linked through the Light. The best I could get now was the truth and then separate myself from him as best I could.

"I've sent my things back." I let my glow go without the heat and the room became red. His face was a stone as he looked at his apartment seeming to be more interested in seeing what certain objects looked like in red light than my obvious anger.

"Are we about to fight?" He looked at me like I was an inconvenience, like he had somewhere better to be.

"If I intended to fight you, you would be dead already." His eyes showed nothing. No fear. No remorse. The eyes of a narcissist.

I was reminded of when I woke up alone and he had the nerve to treat me like nothing happened. Worse. That we didn't happen. I dropped my tough bitch exterior and lowered my eyes to the ground, unable to look at that vacant face one more second.

"If I asked," I fought to keep my tears back, "would you be honest with me?"

"Of course, Darling." That word was like a knife of ice to my heart. With my eyes looking at the hardwood floor and not being tricked by his face, I could hear pain in his voice.

_Don't be fooled, Pyrrha. Never again._

I tossed the cameras onto the table and glared at him as I fought my tears and rage. He didn't look at the cameras once. His eyes remained on mine, no longer expressionless but soft and guarded. As if he had already resigned the relationship without even a fight.

"I asked after Speedy attacked you if you were spying on me and you lied. Explain."

"You wouldn't understand," he whispered.

"I would try." My voice cracked. "Gods, I'm so messed up from you that I would try."

He didn't answer but instead kept his blank face on, looking almost as if all he wanted was this day to be over. My sadness began to fade as my rage swelled.

"Say something!"

"What do you want from me, Pyrrha?" He finally spoke up but he wasn't defensive. He wasn't angry or trying to turn it around on me. He had given up. "You said you understood what I am. You spied on me, I spied on you. This is who we are."

"But I spied on you to make sure you were safe. I didn't spy on your private moments. I didn't let you fall in love with me despite my ulterior motives. I didn't continue to spy on you as our relationship became something more." His jaw clenched as my voice wavered. "I understood we are monsters of the highest caliber but I wouldn't have gotten back together with you if I had known about these, I wouldn't have gone to Maldives, and I sure as hell wouldn't have said the things I did."

The tears were slowly slipping free of my control, sizzling off my hot skin. I kept my eyes on Lex to make sure he saw every single one.

"You knew you could never give me this kind of relationship," I continued, "but you felt the need to control me. From the very beginning, you groomed me. The flirting, calling me 'Darling', treating me like a god. I knew better so I pushed you away but you forced yourself into my heart with no intention of being kind to it or taking care of it. Tell me I'm wrong, Luthor. Tell me it's not what I think it is. Tell me I'm being paranoid. Turn it around on me. That it was my fault from the start."

"Why would I do that, Pyrrha?"

"Because you're a narcissist!" I erupted into a burst of fire before calming it back down. "That's what you do! You play with people as pawns! I'm losing my mind, I'm not sleeping, I'm ripping myself up, and you never once showed any worry. I know you noticed and still you did nothing." I showed him my bleeding arms. "I don't know what you've done, Luthor, but I know this is because of you."

I broke down and began to sob. The memory of the last time I cried this hard flashed in my mind. It was in my apartment after I threatened the Light for making me free the Joker. I stopped crying immediately and looked at him.

"You son of a bitch." I glared at him and he looked at me confused. "You piece of shit. You watched me cry after YOU made me free him. You are a sick and twisted animal! Was that fun for you? To break me!?" My arms burned and I scratched at them begging the pain in my bones and my heart to go away.

"Darling, don't fall apar--"

I threw his couch through the wall where it stuck halfway through the wall, beginning to catch flame. As he looked at the damage, I used it as a distraction. I quickly flew to meet him eye to eye to see them now showing emotion.

Fear.

"If you are as smart as you think you are, Luthor," I said slowly with malicious intent, "you will never call me that horrible word, again. I wish I had died in that fire so I never had the displeasure of meeting you. I hate you now but hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is and I can't wait for the day I feel nothing towards you."

 

* * *

 

My body remained rigid as the one person who meant more to me than anyone else flew out of my life. I looked over at the couch that jutted out of my wall, embers eating their way up the fabric.

She wasn't supposed to mean this much to me but she did. Her fire melted my heart but now her fire wanted to turn my bones to ash.

I looked at the chess set we played each other on. Moving a few pieces back to their default positions, I held up the queen.

"Checkmate."

My vision went red and I lost it. Roaring, I threw the table into the air and the chess set crashed to the ground. Grabbing the nearest chair I lifted it over my head and slammed it to the ground, splintering it into pieces and threw the piece that was in my hand into the TV, shattering it.

Mercy ran in to see what was happening, only enraging me more.

"GET OUT!" I boomed before continuing to destroy anything that held a memory, a scent, a feeling of the one time everything went right, I destroyed it.


	16. Insecure

_Beneath the stains of time_   
_The feelings disappear_   
_You are someone else_   
_I am still right here_

**ATLANTIC OCEAN**   
**Apr 8, 19:00**

With the drama between Luthor and me finished, I was able to focus on a certain pressing question:

_Why did M'gann let Kaldur'ahm live?_

I knew the Martian well. Too well. I had seen M'gann toss the shells of her victims aside just for information. If she came across the traitor that killed her best friend, she would've killed him easily, if not instantly. My first thought was that Artemis was still alive but I saw the League and the Team mourn her. I saw Wally mourn her. If this was a ruse, it was a cruel one.

Unable to satisfy my curiosity, I snuck aboard Manta's flagship where Kaldur'ahm was located and found the room they were keeping him in. My breath caught in my chest as I saw his light green eyes open as they stared at the ceiling from his bed but after a few tense seconds, he didn't move. Moving closer, I waved my hand in front of him to see if his pupils dilated at all and found that he was, in fact, catatonic. Surprisingly, my heart sank.

"Oh, Tats," I said sadly as I sat next to him and took his hand in mine. Black Manta was a horrible father. Kaldur shouldn't have been left in an empty room of metal. He should've been surrounded by his tiny underwater cities and landmarks. Manta knew nothing about Kaldur except what he wanted to see and I sighed because I had made the same mistake. I saw Kaldur'ahm as my friend and was rudely slapped out of that reality. However, one tiny red flag was screaming for my attention in the mess between us.

"What did M'gann see?" I whispered to him, almost as if he'd snap out of his coma to answer me. "Why didn't she kill you?"

I looked at his hand in mine and saw the start of the eel tattoo that covered his arms. Surprised, I saw that what I assumed was a solid band was in fact intricate Atlantean sigils that formed the serpent that wrapped up his arms and back. I imagined a young, blonde haired, pale eyed Kaldur sitting with a stoic face, taking the pain as a sick form of honor.

But Kaldur'ahm wasn't honorable. I didn't know him as well as I thought and Artemis paid the price for me antagonizing him. I saw my friend, heard my friend, but his actions were anything but. A tear escaped me, falling down my cheek and fell on his hand.

"You are the third worst person I know," I whispered as I wiped the tear off. "You used me and you killed Artemis. I should tell you that you deserve to rot in your own mind but," I paused and looked at his vacant stare. His seafoam green eyes were even paler than usual. I shook my head. "But I can't say that. Not really. I'm not even sure if there was anything you could do to make me believe you deserve this." I thought about Luthor and Batman. "But I guess I have a high tolerance for betrayal."

"Pyrrha?" I almost jumped out of my skin as I stood up to see Tigress, clearly surprised to find me on the ship. She pulled out her swords defensively and demanded to know how I got on board.

"Would you believe you left your front door unlocked?" I joked as I held my hands up but she was completely unimpressed.

"Was that supposed to be funny?" I could see why Kaldur picked her for his right hand. Not even Wally could make this stick-in-the-mud crack a smile.

"Yeah, making jokes was never my bag of tricks." I rubbed the back of my neck and looked back at the Atlantean. "I wanted to see for myself if it was true about Kaldur'ahm."

"You know there's a Light meeting, right?" I rolled my eyes. Yes, I knew. I just couldn't handle seeing Luthor's face or Queen Bee and Klarion's smirks.

"Between you and me, the Light is just a glorified HOA board." Quickly, I turned to her with daggers in my eyes. "If you tell anyone I said that, I'll--"

"Let me guess. Kill me?"

I looked at the woman who was faithfully standing by Kaldur'ahm's side, who even attempted to defend him from me--not a feat most operatives would take on. She could've abandoned Kaldur, but she didn't and that said a lot about her.

I scoffed at myself. "No. I suppose I won't. There was a time where I killed many more for much less. Now, I seem to let anyone get away with anything." I thought about Luthor's cameras and noticed Tigress' eyes went to the ground, giving her away. I pursed my lips. It seemed news of Luthor and me had made its rounds in our criminal community. She looked back at me and removed her mask and rubbed her arm awkwardly.

"For what it's worth," she said quietly, "I think you're better off."

"Thank you." We stood in an awkward silence. "By the way, I'm sorry for pushing you in the water the other night. I haven't been," I shuddered as the phrase came to my mind too naturally, "let off my leash for a while. I was antsy for a fight and took it out on you."

"You don't need to apologize," she said. "Kaldur'ahm explained everything."

"Yikes," I cringed. "How much did he tell you?"

"Just that you all were on the young hero team together," she rubbed her arm awkwardly again, "and that seeing him kill Artemis must've been difficult for you."

"It was. More than I thought it would be." I glowed at the memory.

"Why's that?" She asked impulsively, a little too interested. "Why more than you thought?"

"Why do you care?" I eyed her up and down suspiciously and she tensed up at my angry glow. Exasperated, I rubbed the bridge of my nose. "Sorry. I'm just a little on edge. If Kaldur'ahm trusted you then you must be halfway decent in comparison to the rest of us. To be honest, Artemis was--" I relived the moment the blade went through Artemis and had to calm my rage again, "Artemis and I both came from Gotham. Growing up there makes you believe that if you can survive that, you can survive anything. I never in a million years thought she'd fall. I looked up to her. She was smart, brutally honest, agile, strong, and she was very loved." I fought to keep Wally out of my head and the pain he must be feeling. I looked back at Kaldur'ahm. "I hate him for killing her and I'll never forgive him."

I could feel Tigress staring at me as I sat next to Kaldur'ahm. She was probably remembering my threat that I would electrocute him.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I heard you two were a thing." Her eyes went wide and mine widened in response. "Or maybe you weren't and I'm talking out my butt and I should really shut up." The room was filled with red light.

"I think two criminals can't be in a worthwhile and lasting relationship." Her advice seemed more directed at me and Luthor than an effort to explain her maybe-relationship with Kaldur but I didn't push it. "Even though you two left things on bad terms, I think it would be good for Kaldur'ahm if you came to see him again. You don't need to sneak in either. Just promise not to kill him." She opened the door to signal my welcome was overstayed.

"I promise." But that nagging question came back as I headed to the door. I turned back to Tigress. "Do you know if Manta is going after Miss Martian? If he does and you take her alive, contact me. I'd like to ask her some questions. Y'know, before you kill her."

Before I turned back to the door, I caught a glimpse of a frown at the corners of her lips.

**SMALLVILLE**   
**Apr 9, 02:00**

"Luthor, I'd like to bring something up to you. In private," Savage said after I finished showing him the beverages that were completely missed by the League's covert ops team during their bungle of a reconnaissance mission.

"Of course. Let's step in my office."

I already knew exactly what the topic was. The moment her screen didn't turn on earlier during our meeting, I knew exactly where she was and who she was with. It hadn't even been a week since our messy end and she was already off to see the person who ruined her reputation.

I sat in my chair but Savage stayed standing. "This must be serious," I said wryly.

"Do you know where our lovely Pyrrha was during the 'explosive' meeting with Sportsmaster?"

"It seems to me you already know."

"Manta showed me video of Pyrrha sneaking aboard his ship and visiting his son. She was recorded saying some treasonous things to Tigress about the Light. There is reason to believe she has become a liability."

"She'll be dealt with," I said, making sure my face remained unreadable. "Leave it to me."

"No," he said angrily. "We don't deal with her your way anymore. I warned you to keep her controlled but from what I can see, your emotions have allowed her leash to slip from your grasp." I clenched my jaw. It was common knowledge in our circles that we were over but hearing him talk about her like she was nothing enraged me. "I understand though. She is quite the specimen but she's a tool, Luthor. She always has been but now that her mind has been compromised, she is a liability and--like any wild dog--until she can be broken, she needs to be caged."

"Understood." I remained emotionless. "May I offer some advice? There's only one way to control her and only one way she won't see it coming. Allow me to take care of it, to make up for my inadequate handling of the situation."

"Klarion was quite looking forward to sending her to an alternative dimension for a while but handing her to Klarion seems a bit savage, even for me. However, she needs to be taken care of immediately, Luthor." I nodded without emotion. "Did the children procure a sample of the additive?" Savage asked, changing the subject. I pulled out a file from my desk.

"As anticipated." I pushed the folder of promising subjects to him as my mind began working how to trick the woman who wanted to murder me into being close enough for me to trap her. "The team was quite effective. We really must form one of our own."


	17. Subliminal

_I'm the lesser of two evils_   
_Or am I tricking myself nice?_   
_If I'm the lesser of two evils_   
_Who's this man, who's this act I hide behind?_

**METROPOLIS**   
**Apr 9, 08:00**

I had just received word that Tigress and Deathstroke captured Miss Martian and took off for Manta's ship . I needed to know--before Manta and Tigress killed her--what she saw when she attacked Kaldur. I hoped that by showing up in civilian wear and not my red and black suit, she would see I came in peace.

For the most part.

I still hadn't decided whether or not to aid in her death or to protect her from Manta and Tigress.

**_Bzzt Bzzt_ **

I sighed as I stopped in the Metropolis sky to pull out my phone. I groaned loudly as I saw the name of the caller.

**The Devil Wears Armani**

Never did I want to melt my phone more than that moment.

"Hello, asshole," I greeted.

" _I need to see you_."

"Snowball's chance in hell."

" _Pyrrha_ ," he sighed trying to hold back his frustration, " _this is important and cannot be discussed over the phone. You know what this is about_." I held the phone out, pretending I was holding his neck, and shook it violently before bringing it back to my ear.

"If this is a trick, Luthor--"

" _I know, I know_." His voice sounded strained. Tired. " _You will burn me alive because you hate my very existence. I must be crazy to take this chance OR I'm telling the truth and it is extremely important_."

"Then you must be crazy because the other option is a statistical impossibility." There was a pause and I smiled, knowing I hit a nerve.

" _The balcony door is open_." He hung up.

I didn't want to see him mostly because I wasn't sure what would happen if I did. My wounds were still open but at this stage, my body aching for him was louder than my heart breaking over him.

**LEXCORP TOWER**   
**Apr 9, 08:05**

A pit of darkness ached in my chest. I hadn't seen her face for days and I wasn't confident I would be able to detach myself enough to do what needed to be done. Savage had warned me to control her or I'd lose her and now, I barely had a say in how to deal with her. Pyrrha's saving grace was that she had made enough alliances within the Light to combat the ill intent of Marina and Klarion.

I set my phone down on the new table and looked around the renovated apartment. Even though I had broken, ripped, destroyed every inch of it and had new everything brought in, the apartment still held the ghosts of our relationship in its bones.

A wave of heat rushed into the apartment and closed my eyes for a moment to try and retain her warmth one last time before turning to see fury incarnated. Even with malice in her heart, she was stunning.

"Thank you for coming, Pyrrha," I said, doing my best to be professional.

"Cut the niceties and get to the point. Your life expectancy drops drastically the longer I have to look at your face, Luthor." My name was venom on her tongue. A devilish smile broke across her lips as she took stock of the newly renovated apartment. "Funny. I don't remember ruining the TV. Or the rugs. Or the lamps. What kind of fun did you get into after I left?"

"I didn't call you here to talk about that." She pushed her bottom lip out to mock me but all I wanted was to take her into the bedroom and make her forget she was angry. "Your recent behavior has been inadequate for your current position. The Light has decided to demote you to Operative status."

"Operative?!" She began to laugh. "Who would I work under--you? Have you forgotten how little you mean to me?" I felt my blood begin to boil. Her eyes narrowed as she noticed she dug under my skin. "If you couldn't control me with love, what makes you think you can control me with force?"

"I never said I loved you."

Her eyelids flickered and her glow dimmed in an involuntary response from my attack. I had made a god weak and a horrid satisfaction inflated my ego as I watched her die in front of me.

"Go to hell, Luthor," she whispered. "You are petty and bitter. You are only doing this because I left which I was completely in the right to do. After everything you've done to me--"

"Stop playing the victim. This isn't about you and me. This is about the Light's mission that you are jeopardizing--"

"How?!" She erupted. "This is only because I wouldn't be controlled by you any longer! Because I went to see Kaldur without your permission! This just in, Luthor! You do not own me!" Her skin began to glow brightly, her eyes burned. "And if you think I'm going to go willingly--"

"I don't think, I know," I growled, about to deliver the final move of our game. "Absolute Zero."

Her furious face went blank and her hellish glow dimmed until it pulsed with her heartbeat. Moving to stand in front of her, I rubbed my face as the ache in my heart deepened.

"Pyrrha," I instructed, "you will follow Otis to the roof where a helicopter will take you to the Reach's ship. There, you will willingly offer to be placed in a containment pod. Just sleep. Get rest. Get better." I ran my fingers across her face and tucked her black hair behind her ear, watching the trailing glow follow my fingers' path. "And you will await my orders. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Luthor."

"Lex."

"Yes, Lex." Her voice was calm and soft but my name was empty.

"Otis," I called out for my head of security who was waiting in the adjacent office for my orders. "Take Ms. Pyrrha to the helicopter." He nodded and guided the once powerful and headstrong Sun God into obediently following him. I could feel my teeth threatening to crack under the pressure of my clenched jaw as I walked to the balcony and looked at the sickeningly bright skyline.

Whatever heart Pyrrha had cultivated and grown inside of me was gone. I had betrayed her once again and odds were that it wouldn't be the last time. Regardless of what I had said, I loved Pyrrha. I loved her with everything I could spare but not with everything I had. She knew that and loved me anyways. But that wasn't the tragedy of us. Our tragedy was that she would continue to let me hurt her until her dying day.


	18. Sacrifice

_If I met you in a scissor fight_   
_I'd cut off both your wings on principle alone_

**ATLANTIC OCEAN**   
**May 5, 01:00**

"I'm trying not to pry, Kaldur, but your thoughts are getting hard to ignore," M'gann said in a subconscious world she had made for us three to speak freely. She had healed my broken psyche but my second biggest worry--aside from keeping M'gann alive--was Pyrrha and the revelation I had come across on the Reach's ship before running into M'gann.

"I admit, my thoughts are on Pyrrha. I believe she is in danger." I noticed Artemis cast her eyes to the ground. "What's wrong?"

"A lot went down before we could fully wake you up, Kaldur." Artemis rubbed her arm nervously. "When the Reach went public, Pyrrha had to come back from her vacation with Luthor to do Godfrey's show about their arrival. But she looked horrible. She was tired and distracted on the live interview." She paused, shifting her weight from one leg to the other. "Then I heard she and Luthor had a fight--like an actual fight. She put a chair through a wall... or maybe it was a couch. I guess a couch sounds more Pyrrha's style than a chair..."

"Artemis." I prodded her out of her tangent. Not that I wasn't glad Pyrrha had stood up to Luthor but I knew Artemis was stalling.

"A few days later, I came to start my watch," she continued, "and I caught her in here talking to you." My muscles tensed slightly at the thought of Pyrrha--the woman who threatened to kill me if let my guard down for one moment--being in my room as I lay in a catatonic state. "She purposefully missed a meeting with the Light to see you and said things she shouldn't have. Manta must've watched the footage because next thing I heard, she had been demoted."

"Poor Je--I mean, Pyrrha," M'gann recovered, "she's been through so much." M'gann's remorse for Pyrrha surprised me. I had to remind myself that she had been in Starling's mind as well to aid her with her phobia and being that immersed in someone's mind had to have given M'gann a deeper understanding of who Starling truly was.

Artemis' face gave her away as she kept from making eye contact and fidgeted.

"You're stalling again." Her eyes shot to mine and I saw that she was afraid to put her burden on me so soon after I had been mended. "Artemis, you can say it. I'm not going to break."

She lowered her head.

"She's missing."

"Missing?" I asked, my heart pumping from anger and fear.

"Well, kind of. She boarded the Reach's ship," Artemis said rubbing her arm again, "and hasn't been heard from since. I've tried to contact her but there's no response. I had to stop in case her phone was being watched."

"Wait," M'gann held her hands up, "I'm confused. Why would she go to the Reach at all?"

"The Light reassigned her as Luthor's operative," Artemis explained. "I think he ordered her to go but I haven't figured out why."

"So they break up and she has to follow HIS orders? Jet would never agree to that."

"That's because she didn't go of her own accord." My blood ran cold as the pieces fell into place. "Pyrrha was at Cadmus after Luthor took her from Metropolis General Hospital. She was there for months until her attack on Superman." Their eyes widened as they realized what I had just put together myself..

"Like Roy... and Connor," M'gann gasped.

"Luthor programmed her!" Artemis seethed. "And then was in a relationship with her! He's a monster! A sick monster!"

"That's not the worst of it," I whispered. They looked at me with fear and anger in their faces. "I learned something on the Reach's ship the day the Team freed the teenagers..."

**PACIFIC OCEAN**   
**Mar 30, 20:00**

"Your ship is most impressive, Ambassador," I said as we walked down the corridors. "As are your people."

"We call ourselves the Reach and these," he motioned to the large rooms, "are our labs most dedicated to researching the metagene."

"Metagene?"

"A genetic marker indicating the potential of an individual human to survive catastrophic physical trauma by adapting new abilities."

"In other words, Ambassador, the metagene allows certain humans to develop superhuman powers." We walked into a laboratory containing the kidnapped teens.

"Yes, such is the case of your superior, Pyrrha." The sound of her name so soon after our fight made me clench my fists tightly. "She was once a normal human you once worked alongside, was she not?"

"She was." I remembered the day of the LexCorp incident, the day we thought she died and the day I fought against her, cracking her helmet to see a glowing red eye. Even though her appearance had changed, I could see it was Starling.

"And now," the Ambassador continued, "she has powers that nearly brought down Superman. This is something we are very interested in replicating and with the help of Lex Luthor, we've been successful." He pulled out a vial of faintly glowing blood--Pyrrha's blood.

"Luthor?" I wondered why Luthor would be involved at all. "Why not work directly with her?"

"I believe you've seen for yourself how much of a... handful she can be. She doesn't seem to trust nor care for our partnership so Luthor has aided us. Her samples have allowed us to continue research on how to not only activate the metagene but to find the strongest possible outcome. We would prefer to have a live subject but we've provided Luthor with special medical equipment that has her none the wiser aside from a small irritation at the near invisible insertion site."

I hid my building anger. Pyrrha and I were angry with one another but now that I knew Luthor was secretly abusing her, I needed to make sure he never touched her again.

**ATLANTIC OCEAN**   
**May 1, 01:15**

"...I was planning on sending the message to Nightwing to figure how to move forward--"

"But I--" M'gann bowed her head feeling shame for hurting me. I put my hand on her shoulder and Artemis held her hand. She looked up at us and smiled sadly.

"Because of Luthor's control over her," I continued to explain, "she's in a pod where they can take all the samples they need."

"Can't she blast out? With her power--"

"The pods dampen metagene powers," Artemis explained.

"And they can render the inhabitant unconscious until they need them awake." I added.

"But if she wakes up there, even if we could save her," M'gann said sadly, "with her severe claustrophobia... I can't believe Luthor would do this to her. I just assumed they had something real. Who was I to call them odd? Poor Jet..."

I bit my cheek as we sat in silence.

"So what's the plan?" Artemis asked.

"If we attempt a rescue, we could jeopardize everything we have done to take down the Light. As much as I hate it, we have to stick to the plan. Once we dismantle the Light and the Reach, we canget Star away from Luthor. I just hope there is something left to save."

 


	19. Surrender

_Chemically enlaced faces_   
_Blackout nights and tight spaces_   
_We'll feel distant embraces_   
_Scratching hands around my waist, yeah_   
_I'll wash my mouth but still taste you_

**???**   
**??? ??, ??:??**

The sun warmed my skin as I sat on a park bench with my face to the sky and my eyes closed. A breeze blew across my face and I felt happy. I felt amazing. I was getting better.

And I was waiting.

"Hayden." I opened my eyes to see the beautiful strawberry-blonde haired, blue-eyed Texan that haunted me. "What're you doin'?"

I forgot how cute her southern twang was when she wasn't tormenting me in my sleep. I winked at her before leaning my head back to feel the sun.

"I'm getting better," I said with a smile, "and I'm waiting."

"And what _exactly_ are you waiting for, hon?"

"Luthor's orders."

"How long have you been waiting?"

"If I had to guess, maybe half an hour? Forty-five minutes, tops."

"Oh, Hayden." I opened my eyes and saw her look down at me with a pity I didn't understand. She sat down next to me and took my hand between hers.

"Audrey, what's wrong?"

"Oh, Hayden," she said as she looked at me with teary eyes. "You're so terribly broken and you have been for a mighty long time." She let out a long exhale before she shook off the melancholy and looked at me with determination. "I'm gonna help you but you need to trust me. You need to listen to me. You're gonna wanna panic but when you get scared, you just close your eyes and I'll help you." She paused as her eyes became cloudy. "You need to pay attention."

"Wake her up," a female voice echoed over the air and the sky turned grey.

"What's happening?" I asked.

"This is where it gets messy," she gritted her teeth at the sky, "with only a slim chance of a happy ending. Will you let me help you?"

"Help me?" I frowned, still feeling detached from it all. I only wanted the sun to come back. "With what? I'm getting better and I'm waiting for orders from Luthor," I repeated. The girl pulled back her hands from mine and gently held my face before she leaned in to kiss my forehead. Before I could respond, the calming scenery melted into a black goo and I was devoured by darkness.

"I said, 'wake her up'." Female voices began to filter through the dark.

"That is not advised. She has just undergone testing and her physical and mental state is not prepared for external stimuli. Does _Luthor_ know you're here?"

"I will not ask one more time."

"Fine. As you wish."

Groggily, I opened my eyes to see myself laying in a red room. I blinked rapidly to get my bearings and panic set in.

I was not in a room. I was in a small, confined, cramped Reach pod.

Just outside of my red nightmare stood the Reach scientist, Queen Bee, and her bodyguard, Icicle Jr. I tried to move but found my arms were bound and could feel my powers were inhibited as well.

This wasn't a dream. This held no symbolic meaning. This was reality. One that Luthor put me in. One that I should've seen coming if I was paying attention.

I closed my eyes and prayed to the gods that I no longer believed in. They never came.

But she did.

_Breathe, Hayden. This is only temporary._

In the safety of the darkness, a wave of calm rushed over me as I took a deep breath in. The panic and terror turned to hatred and fury. The wave pulled from me and what was left was courage and hellfire. I opened my eyes and saw a displeased Reach scientist, an unsure Junior, and a smirking Queen Bee.

I smirked back.

"My my," she taunted. "How the mighty have fallen. Junior, did you ever think you'd see our _dear_ Pyrrha in such a state? Even her feminine wiles couldn't save her from her own destruction and now Luthor won't even touch her. Poor child thought that just because she slept with him that she _belonged_ in the Light. How delusional!"

My resolve began to waver as I realized how badly my arms burned. The overwhelming urge to scratch the skin off of my arms combined with her taunts threatened to push me over the edge. I wasn't sure if I wanted to scream or cry.

I closed my eyes and felt the wave rush in and out again. My eyes opened and I saw a tiny twitch of Marina's lip. She wasn't happy that I wasn't broken, screaming, or crying.

"I was wrong, she continued. "You aren't a dog. You're less than a dog. See, my dear," she bent forward to the red glass to taunt me, "you aren't worth the paper your birth certificate is printed on. You _are_ nothing. You _were_ nothing. You will always _be_ noth--"

I threw my head forward and cracked the red glass containing me, causing her to fly back and fall on her ass. To my surprise and the surprise of the others, a burst of laughter bubbled it's way up my dry throat as I took pleasure from her humiliation. Blood dripped from my forehead but I couldn't stop laughing. She stood up angrily and pushed Junior towards me.

"Make her stop!" The young boy iced up but the Reach scientist threw herself between us. Marina's face contorted in anger.

"You can't touch the human! It is Luthor's _property_!"

Her words combined with the faces of Marina and Junior made me laugh even harder. Junior eyed the damage I caused to the pod and looked to Marina with a smidge of fear in his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm not comfortable pissing off Luthor... Or Pyrrha." His words were met with the back of Queen Bee's hand. He held his face and cowered.

Normally, that would have pissed me off. I had been in Junior's shoes my entire childhood but I couldn't stop laughing. If I stopped laughing, I would never stop screaming.

Marina took the cowering young man by his shirt and threw him aside so she could get to the scientist.

"I demand you make her stop!"

"I told you it was unwise to wake it up. Now we must transfer it to another pod," the scientist murmured as she hit a button and gas began to fill my pod.

I stopped laughing... and I began screaming.

"We must leave. The gas will go through the cracks," the scientist said. I could hear my screams but I couldn't feel them coming from me. Marina smirked and before she left with the sullen Junior, she turned back to me as the gas took effect.

"I just thought of something peculiar, Pyrrha." I struggled to keep my eyes open. "Your laughing almost reminds me of the _Joker_."

Tears rolled down my cheeks and my vision went black.

I was in the sunshine of the beautiful park once again but I was on my knees, sobbing into my hands. A hand gently held my shoulder. I turned around and saw Audrey smiling sadly.

"I wish I could tell you the worst is over but it's only beginning, hon."

I stood up and wiped my tears away. I wouldn't waste one more tear on the Light. On Luthor. On anyone.

"Tell me what I need to do."


	20. Damsel

_Maybe you'll see_   
_All the wrongs you did to me_   
_And start all over, start all over again_

**???**   
**??? ??, ??:??**

"We must ask you to leave it here."

"She's not an 'it' and don't think I haven't heard about her visit from Queen Bee. You had enough time to find something. I need her _now_."

"As you wish."

Slowly, I opened my eyes to see a Reach scientist, a young scowling woman, and a man in a fresh suit looking back at me through the red glass of the pod. I closed my eyes to let the wave wash over me and opened them as the pod did.

Cool air rushed across my bare skin and I realized I was wearing two simple garments similar to when I first woke up in Cadmus. The man stiffened up slightly but as soon as I smiled, he returned it warmly with one of his own.

"Lex," I greeted hoarsely as the Reach scientist removed the needles and tubes from my arms and unstrapped me.

"Hello, Darling," he said softly and held his hand out. I placed my hand in his and a wave of red raced from my hand up my arm to my face. I was seemingly out of practice in controlling myself and seeing my reaction to his touch caused Lex to chuckle slightly.

I tried to walk out of my pod but my legs gave way. Lex quickly caught me and held me tight. My skin glowed in embarrassment as I looked up at him.

"Thank you."

"My pleasure." He helped me gain my footing.

"The effects of her stay will dissipate within the hour," the scientist said but Lex kept his eyes on mine and his arms around me.

"If we could have a moment?"

"As you wish."

And we were alone. I glowed slightly and looked to the ground.

"How do you feel?" He asked with his arms still around me. I looked up to him and smiled.

"Better. I've been waiting for you." His body tensed at my words. "How long have I been here?"

"A little over two months."

"I see." He tried to gauge my reaction. "Do you have orders for me?"

His face fell slightly and nodded to Mercy who produced my red and black suit and spiky helmet. Hesitantly, he let me go and I took my suit, feeling the fabric under my fingers.

"We have requested a summit with the Reach. As my operative, you'll be going in my stead. Kaldur'ahm has asked for me to _loan_ you to him to help with security." His eyes were locked on mine again, but only to see what emotions stirred up from his words.

"Kaldur'ahm is awake?" I asked, puzzled. His jaw visibly clenched as he nodded but relaxed once he saw my sneer. "Pity. Everything else going to plan, still? Or can you not tell me?"

"Of course, I can tell you. The only thing that's changed is your title."

"If you say so, Lex." I set my suit down on a nearby table and began scratching at my arms.

Lex wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me tight. Stunned, I just stood there but the warmth from him, the familiar smell, the firmness of his chest overwhelmed me. I let myself relax into his chest and tucked into his neck.

"I'd like to talk to you after the summit," he whispered in my ear. His breath was hot and caused another ripple of red light to flash across my bare skin.

"Is that an order?" I asked innocently into his neck. He grabbed my shoulders and held me out from him, the warmth from his body leaving me.

"Does it need to be?" He asked with worry on his face.

"No," I said simply and turned to the suit on the table. I pulled off the Reach's garments and heard a sharp inhale from behind me. I smirked as I put on my suit.

I clipped my helmet to my side as I finished and turned around to see a flushed Lex.

"It's been a while since I've seen you--in red," he corrected. "You look good."

"I _feel_ good," I said quietly as I flexed and clenched my hands, feeling the suit move with me. "I feel better. I needed this."

A lock of my wild black hair fell across my face. Gently, he tucked it behind my ear and followed my jawline until his fingers stopped at my chin. I glowed brightly and smiled as I looked to the ground demurely.

"We should get going," he whispered with a husky edge to his voice. "The summit will start soon and you need to get to Santa Prisca." His hand fell from my chin and turned to walk out of the lab with Mercy following behind like the good little dog she was.

My smile instantly disappeared and my skin became a controlled and deadly porcelain as I walked behind the man I despised even more than Bruce Wayne. I rubbed my face, trying to get the feeling of his touch off of me. Audrey skipped up to my side, flipping her strawberry blonde hair over her shoulder.

"'The devil is and will always be a gentleman'," she snickered. "Feigning to be a damsel in distress was a stroke of genius. Did ya'll see him tense up? Men are so predictable. Once we finish this stupid summit, let's rip him limb from limb!" She laughed loudly as I smiled sinisterly behind Lex's back imagining the beautifully delicious ways I was going to torture, maim, and slaughter him later.

 


	21. Summit

 

_It's a harder way and it's come to claim her_   
_And I've always_ _said_ _, we should be together_

**SANTA PRISCA**   
**Jun 19, 00:00**

"I know they are public figures but so are you," Audrey whispered in my ear as I stood guard in the dark cave. "How come Marina and Lex get to stay safe? This is bull."

Queen Bee's and Luthor's absence annoyed me as well but I knew I didn't get the same treatment as them anymore. Normally, I would be at the front of this wolf pack but my wonderful and caring Lex saw fit to have me institutionalized after I had been demoted. How he was able to do that, I didn't know for sure but I had a suspicion it went all the way back to Cadmus.

"What did you even _see_ in him, anyways?"

I rolled my eyes at my psychosis as the group of criminal masterminds shifted anxiously. Behind the safety of my helmet, I stole a glance at Kaldur and his right hand, Tigress. As if he could feel me looking, he glanced over but was quickly elbowed by Tigress.

The last time we saw each other--and he was conscious--was when I threatened to kill him for killing Artemis. I was still grieving her but I had bigger enemies than Kaldur to focus on. And honestly, I was secretly thrilled Miss Martian had fixed him and that Tigress loyally stayed by his side.

But the question of why Miss Martian allowed Kaldur to survive still haunted me and now it was followed up with her healing him and escaping both Tigress and Deathstroke, miraculously.

"Snips!" Audrey's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. "Heads up, Hayden. Jason's necromancer is gonna blow smoke up your butt." She glared at Ra's al Ghul asked he walked up to me.

"How are you, my dear?" He asked courteously.

"I'm fine," I said through my voice-altering helmet.

"We've _so_ missed you and your fire during our meetings. It just isn't the same without you."

"He's not your friend." Audrey whispered into my ear. "He never was. His damn Lazarus Pits ruined our Jason."

"It was for the better," I answered Ra's. He placed his hand on my shoulder and I had to fight the urge to punch a hole through his rib cage.

Deathstroke looked out into the cave and turned back to nod at me.

"It's time," I announced and the group walked past Deathstroke into the cavern. I brought up the back and took my spot behind Kaldur, Tigress, and Ra's al Ghul. The Reach met us in the middle and the tension was palpable as the two leaders greeted each other.

"Ambassador."

"Savage."

"As head of security for the Reach," Black Beetle growled, "I must insist no masks be worn at the Summit."

I growled. I liked my helmet. I missed my helmet. I didn't want to part with my helmet.

"Wow. This guy is kind of an asshole," Audrey whispered in my ear.

"Simply because you _insist_ is no guarantee," Manta growled, taking the words out of my mouth.

"Manta," Ra's said calmly, "if you wouldn't mind. After all, we are among friends."

"Exactly how are we defining friends?" Audrey asked. Manta shared my discomfort as he growled in taking off his mask and the rest of us followed suit. I stared at the Reach's head scientist with a hatred that I could feel in my bones and had to fight the urge to scratch my arms.

"Satisfied?" Ra's smugly asked the Reach.

"Excellent," the Ambassador said. "Then with these formalities out of the way--"

"--Let us begin," finished Savage.

"And the rest of the Light? Won't they be joining us?"

"Our more _public_ members are occupied," Ra's explained. "Conducting damage control to mitigate your recent defeats."

"And in any case, _we_ are sufficient," said Savage.

"Fine. I know you called this summit but the Reach has come with grievances against the Light," the Ambassador said. "Please explain how the young Earth champions were allowed access to the Bialyan Scarab temple under _your_ control?"

"If I may respond," Kaldur'ahm began.

"No, you may not." Black Beetle snapped at him. "Manta, keep your whelp meat silent."

"Oh no, he didn't," Audrey gasped.

"Beetle," Manta said. "Your insolence grows progressively less... _charming_."

"My friends," Savage attempted to salvage the situation. "I think we can all agree that in recent days, no one has done more--sacrificed more--for both the Light _and_ the Reach than Kaldur'ahm. That is why he was entrusted with the security for this summit and why he's entitled to a voice here."

"Of course," agreed the Ambassador. "He may speak."

"Thank you, Ambassador." Kaldur'ahm stepped forward. "We acknowledge your concerns over the actions of my former team. But you must acknowledge that the Light could not have known the significance of the temple. Or that ancient Earth magic could overcome Reach technology to free Blue Beetle and Green Beetle from your thrall."

"I hate that word," said Audrey, beginning to irritate me with her constant talking.

"If the Reach had been more forthcoming about how long ago their Scarab was sent to infiltrate Earth with a Beetle Warrior, the Light might have made a connection to the temple and certainly would have provided better security for it."

"Kaldur'ahm looks so good when he's talking. And not talking. Even from the grave, I still am obsessed with him," said Audrey, reminding me that before she had died in the streets of Metropolis, she was had confided in me of her crush on Aqualad.

The Reach scientist argued with the Ambassador and I took the oppurtunity to look at Kaldur'ahm and frowned. He wasn't the Aqualad she once knew. And I wasn't the Jet Starling he knew. Not anymore.

"Apologies, I spoke out of turn," the scientist said, bringing me back to reality.

"No, my dear," said Manta. "You were quite correct to call your master's tactics into question. The Light has provided everything the Reach required and you _aliens_ have let it all slip away."

"I don't believe this is a productive direction for our discussion," the Ambassador accused.

"No?" Ra's al Ghul asked. "Your public approval ratings are at a record low. As are sales of the Reach drink, which you had hoped to enslave the populace."

"You allowed the heroes you kidnapped to be rescued by the very teenagers whose metagenes _you_ enhanced," Savage said.

"--After allowing their escape as well," Manta added.

"Regina, pay attention," Audrey said seriously. I frowned at her and sneered to show her I was tired of her blabbering. She just shook her head.

"Worst of all," Kaldur'ahm said, "Blue Beetle and Green Beetle have slipped from your grasp and fallen into the hands of the enemy, the Justice League."

"Rest assured," the Ambassador tried to regain control. "Both Beetles will soon return to the fold. In fact, Black Beetle has been summoned to Earth from his post guarding access to the key chamber on the Warworld."

"To kill Blue and Green," Beetle explained, needlessly.

"So that their Scarab may be reset and installed upon new host bodies that will forever be slaves to the Reach," the scientist said.

"Boy, I sure am glad I'm dead," Audrey whispered next to me. I waved my hand through her and she disappeared into smoke. I saw the Ambassador looking at me and realized I looked like I just made a gesture that their words meant little to us. I bit my lip to control my glow as I could've almost ruined the entire meeting too soon.

"So do _not_ question us on that score or any other," the Ambassador said sternly, almost directing it to me. "Remember the Earth is now the property of the Reach and per our original agreement, the Light is merely our favored agents amongst the humans."

"And ya'll are as naive as you are ugly." I sighed at Audrey's reappearance.

"Show the proper respect or suffer the consequences," Beetle threatened. Manta began to move forward to challenge him and my blood began to glow in excitement.

"No agreement exists that makes a slave of Black Manta."

"No agreement exists that guarantees the _life_ of Black Manta." Beetle met him in the middle.

"Manta guarantees that _himself_." The two aimed their weapons at each other.

"Snips. Measuring contest," Audrey said as the tension in the room became thick.

"It seems we have a standoff," Ra's mused.

"No. We don't." Black Beetle smacked Black Manta aside and Tigress and Deathstroke attacked. I moved forward but Ra's held me back.

"No need to play all our cards, my dear." Tigress jumped in front of us and fell into Ra's after blocking an attack.

"Apologies, Great One."

"Not necessary, child. You have my," he paused, "thanks."

I watched the fighting, anxious to get in and angry to be told what to do by someone else but the two had it covered. Comically well, in fact.

Until Kaldur broke up the fun.

"Enough!" He raised his voice. "We are allies, not enemies. Any conflict between us only benefits our true opponents: the Justice League and their _sidekicks_."

"I thought you didn't like being called sidekicks?" Audrey asked. "Pay attention."

"Kaldur'ahm is quite correct," Savage said.

"Agreed," the Ambassador said, clasping his hands together as he pretended to have control. "We must not allow petty disagreements to drive a wedge between us. Gratitude, Kaldur'ahm. Stand down, warrior."

"Ambassador." Black Beetle was just as antsy to start something as I was.

"Stand. _Down_."

"Should we not be concerned that Superman, Batman, the Lanterns, and the rest will soon return to Earth and once again sway public opinion to their side?" Kaldur'ahm asked.

Just the sound of Batman made me glow bright red but Audrey had her own input as always.

"Wait, why doesn't he understand they are locked up forever? Pay attention."

"Superman and those accused with him will _never_ leave Rimbor," Savage explained. "The attack we forced them to make on that world plus a few well placed bribes has guaranteed their convictions."

"Hayden. You need to pay attention."

"I'm trying," I whispered, annoyed at my manifested psychosis.

"And the Green Lanterns are forbidden by Guardian treaty from returning to Earth now that we've _convinced_ UN Secretary Tseng to welcome us here," the Ambassador said. "As for public opinion, I wouldn't be concerned."

I noticed a distracted Ra's to my right and looked at Tigress as he seemed oddly interested in her in the middle of a heated debate.

"Though the tide he turned to a certain degree." the Ambassador continued. "It will be a simple matter to build on the foundation of half truths we have already used to discredit the Justice League in order to..." Ra's walked past me to Tigress, "discredit them... again."

"You weren't paying attention." Audrey shook her head.

"Great One?" Tigress asked as Ra's al Ghul grabbed her choker and ripped it off. Her body changed. Her hair turned yellow, her skin darkened and her eyes changed.

"Artemis?" I said in shock, seeing my friend I thought was murdered standing in front of me. I should've noticed the necklace as Zatanna had given me a similar charm years ago.

"I don't understand," the Ambassador asked in the midst of our confusion. "I thought Artemis was dead."

"So did we all," Savage said. "But it seems Tigress _is_ Artemis."

"And you thought she was in love with Kaldur!" Audrey laughed at me but I was too in shock to care.

"This is a glamour charm created I'd wager by Zatanna or Doctor Fate to hide Artemis' true identity," Ra's explained as he held the charm in his hands.

"But Kaldur'ahm killed Artemis," the Ambassador tried to sort out. "If she lives and in disguise as his lieutenant then that means--"

"That means Aqualad duped them all. Including his own _father_." Beetle laughed.

"Well," Audrey said in my ear, "except for you. But you might want to save your I-told-you-so's."

The Ambassador growled. "Kill them both."

"No!" Manta rushed to save Kaldur'ahm. "You will not kill my son!"

"He's right." A gunshot rang through the cave as I watched Kaldur take Deathstroke's bullet to the chest in front of my eyes. Before I could react, Artemis was hit as well.

"No!" I grabbed her as she fell and held my friend who was dying in front of me for the second time.

"The Light takes care of its own," Deathstroke said. I looked over at Manta as he held Kaldur'ahm.

"Kaldur--"

"It's too late, Father. I have already... won." His hand released a small object that released a hologram of himself.

"If you are watching this, then your summit is truly over. The Light and the Reach deserve each other. Both sides play at being partners but the Reach believes the Light to be their naive tools of conquest when, in fact, the Light has manipulated the Reach from day one."

"This sounds familiar," Audrey said as she stood over me and Artemis' body.

"Shut this off," Savage growled to Deathstroke.

"How?"

"It was the Light that brought Earth to the Reach's attention by sending the Justice League to Rimbor," Kaldur's message continued. "The Light set their trap and the Reach snapped at the bait fulfilling the Light's desire to thrust our world into the galactic spotlight. Part of their _perverse_ survival of the fittest scheme for the planet."

"Perverse?!" Audrey said, offended.

"Which they will believe will transform the Earth and the Light into the eventual rulers of the Milky Way. Though the Light made a deal to help the Reach take Earth, they have also _sabotaged_ the Reach's efforts. They kept the enhanced meta-teens out of the Reach's hands, they added a neutralizing agent to the Reach's drink so Earth's population would _not_ become servile. They turned public opinion _against_ the Reach and they intentionally allowed the Team access to the Scarab Temple to cleanse Blue and Green Beetle. So you see, any agenda either side imagined they shared was nothing but a carefully crafted illusion. I trust I have shattered that illusion, as well as whatever remains of this sorry alliance. _Good night_."

"See?" Audrey put her hand on my shoulder. "Didn't I tell you I liked that Atlantean?" A tear rolled down my cheek and curved around the bittersweet smile I tried to hide.

"Kaldur," Manta said. "What have you done?"

"He has in death done more to damage my plans than any living creature has wrought in fifty thousand years," Savage said angrily. "I'd be impressed if I wasn't so--" His praise was cut off by the Ambassador's yell.

"You Earthlings are a pestilence and a plague! You _dare_ sabotage us? _Dare_ betray us?! Have you forgotten who controls the Warworld!? The Light is fortunate we do not carve up your planet as we speak!"

"Regina," Audrey became serious. "It's time."

"For what?" I whispered, preparing myself mentally as I held my dead friend.

"That would indeed impress," said Savage, "as I have the Warworld's crystal key."

"This." She held her hand out to the unfolding mess but I was still confused.

"That is all I needed to know." My heart beat wildly as I fought to keep my glow in check.

"Kaldur!" Manta said incredulously as Kaldur stood up. "You're--"

"Alive? Yes."

"If you would?" Artemis asked Ra's. I looked down to see a perfectly alive Artemis wink at me as she held her hand out to Ra's. "And I always heard the Great One was such a gentleman."

"Impossible." Savage said. "Deathstroke killed you both."

"Just for a little while. After all, I wouldnt want to do any permanent damage," he said as he transformed into Miss Martian and telekinetically held Savage's sword to his throat, "to my best friends. Not when a little misdirection and Hollywood special effects will do instead."

"For we _value_ our true friends," Kaldur said as he glanced at me and back at Savage. "And unlike you, we are not short on them." As I stood up, I chuckled to myself as heroes popped from every corner.

"Look, the gang's all here," Audrey said. "You think you could get me some autographs?"

"Well played, well planned," Savage said as our own men fell from the top of the cavern. "But the Light always has contingencies. I've had my fill of your interference. Do not expect to survive." He turned to me. "Kill them all. Superboy may present a problem but we'll deal with him when the other children lie bleeding on the ground."

I glowed brightly but not in preparation for the fight I was _ordered_ to carry out. Again, Savage had mentioned that the Team were mere nuisances which only meant he saw me in the same way.

"Still you refer to us as children," Kaldur said. "No wonder our successes mount. You consistently underestimate us." The fight began but before I could think of how to play this mess out, a hard blow to my side threw me sliding on the ground and away from the group. I looked up, dazed, to see Connor standing over me.

"Stay out of this, Jet." His voice had a sincerity behind it. "Aqualad said not to touch you." I nodded as he took off and I stood up to watch the ensuing chaos.

"Wow." Audrey walked up behind me. "How awesome is it to hear the word 'Aqualad' and not Kaldur'ahm?" She softly placed her chin on my shoulder. "And 'Jet'?"

"Pretty great," I smiled as I glowed.

"It is true" Savage said. "The Light has always underestimated these young heroes. But no more. It is time." Klarion morphed from the sword and trapped Miss Martian in a fire serpent and took Savage to the Warworld.

"Cowardly meat!" Black Beetle roared.

"No!" Ra's said as the madness erupted around him. "Savage has the right idea. This battle is pointless. Do not resist. The _heroes_ have no jurisdiction here."

"Meaning _every_ piece of meat on the Light is a coward." Black Beetle moved forward quickly and stabbed Ra's. A part of me felt angry but only because I didn't get to do it first. "Such is the fate of all meat."

As Ra's began to fall, Ubu grabbed him and escaped out of the top of the cave.

"We better go, Hayden!" Audrey yelled, urging me to follow.

"Wait." I held my hand to her as I noticed Kaldur fighting Manta and moved closer. "Give me a sec."

"I cannot comprehend this betrayal, Kaldur." Manta scolded him like he was a child as they faced off. "How could you?"

"I admit to being conflicted, Father. I have seen your noble side. But you left me no choice. As long as you waste you gifts on villainy," Kaldur used his Water Bearers to form Hard Water maces, "I will stand against you."

"Hayden, we have to go!" Audrey yelled but I waved my hand through her and she dissipated into smoke again.

"It seems I have been too permissive." Manta prepared to fight his son. "Clearly, _boy_ , you require _discipline_."

The two began to fight. I fought to keep my glow subdued as I hid in the shadows of the cavern. I looked out over the chaos. I had a choice but the window was slowly closing but I couldn't find a reason to care. What was keeping me with the Light? Would being locked up in Belle Reve truly be any worse than what I had already been through?

Then his face flashed in my mind. Lex and I had unfinished business and if I was going to give him everything he deserved, I needed to get out of this without the heroes trying to bring me back to the fold by forming a group hug or something equally vomit inducing.

I began to take off for the exit but saw that Manta was becoming increasingly furious.

"Ignorant boy!" Manta yelled through his helmet. "This is not a world, a _universe_ , in which a free man can afford to be soft. I will teach you to be ruthless, Kaldur'ahm. Even if I must beat that lesson, into your _skull_!"

He blasted Kaldur with his lasers but Kaldur rolled away and used his Hard Water to form a giant fist, narrowly missing his father. Manta shot at him again but Kaldur formed a shield and a wave to escape. Turning the wave into multiple snakes, he headed towards Manta but Manta shot all of the heads.

And that's what Kaldur was wanting.

He came out of the steam and smoke with his mace and dropped down violently in front of his father. With a primal yell, he threw the mace back up, knocking his father's helmet off and his father to the ground.

"I believe that was fairly ruthless, Father," Kaldur said as he panted. "I hope it made you proud."

"What about me, Tats?" I snuck out from the shadows, glowing menacingly. "How come you told all my toys they couldn't play with me?"

"Because I will not fight you, Star," he said as he took a passive stance and put his weapons away. A sinister smile crept across my lips.

"Then I guess _I'll_ have to do all the work."

I flew at him and grabbed his armor, flipping him over my head and on his back where he landed with a large splash. He looked at me with sadness--not anger or fear--as I stood over him. Still, he did nothing to fight back. I lit my hand on fire as hot as I could and saw him wince from the heat. I bit my lip and threw my fist down with a splash.

As the steam enveloped us, Kaldur opened his eyes to see I had plunged my hot hand into the water to the side of his head to turn the water into a large cloud of steam to hide us. His eyes widened as I straddled his chest. I placed my other hand beside his head and leaned over him.

"I told you I was more of a top, anyways." I winked. "Had to play it up, Tats. Never know if someone is watching."

"I understand. It was convincing, to say the least," he smiled and I smiled back.

"I can't believe you were just going to let me kill you."

"There are worse fates." His eyes softened, catching me off guard.

"Y-yeah, I guess. I'm glad I was right about you being a liar."

"If it helps," he grabbed my left forearm next to his head, "I _hated_ every second I had to deceive you." A strange feeling went through me and I glowed brightly before I was able to contain it. I punished myself by biting my lip hard and flew off of him.

I gave him my hand to help him up but once he was standing, he didn't let it go. The fighting began to die down as did the steam. His face became serious.

"You aren't safe," he squeezed my hand tight, "not with Luthor. Come with me--with us." I felt the anger rise inside me and I glowed to match my fury.

"Luthor will be dealt with," I promised. "I'm still me, Kaldur. I've still done all the things I told you about. Stop trying to save me all the time."

"But you're _worth_ saving."

With one hand already holding mine, he gently placed his other on my shoulder. I realized how close we were because I could see freckles in his light eyes. Everything about him reminded me of Mount Justice, of late night missions, and even later movie marathons.

"Maybe," I chuckled softly. I brought the hand he wasn't holding up to his forearm of the hand on my shoulder. His smile broke my heart as I knew I couldn't do as he asked. I couldn't go with the heroes and I couldn't go with him. I smiled back at him sadly and he frowned as he understood. "I have to get past the heroes if I'm going to escape. I'm gonna need you to pretend you hate me just a little longer. Make it believable, Tats. I can take it. We both know I've been through so much worse."

He gripped my hand tighter. "That's not something I like to think about."

"Stop being a baby. Our rendezvous is about to run out of steam." I smiled widely. "Get it?"

"Leave the jokes to Wally," he smiled as he formed a wall of water that hit me and threw me over the heroes. As I flew from it, I took one last look at the destruction of the Light and the Reach. A satisfied grin grew on my face and I flew out of the mountain.

 

* * *

 

 

Saddened but hopeful, I watched my friend fly out of one fire and into another. I was happy she seemed herself after her imprisonment but I knew more horrors awaited her with Luthor. I looked down at my father as the Team gathered around me.

"I had hoped to end this tonight," I explained, "but Savage escaped with Klarion, as did Black Beetle with the Reach's head scientist. Luthor and Queen Bee never showed and even Ra's al Ghul will no doubt--"

"Are you _kidding_ me? Kaldur, you won!" Nightwing exclaimed.

"Won? _Dude_ , you triumphed," Wally said.

"You've crippled the Reach and literally broken the Light in half," Artemis rejoiced. My accomplishments wouldn't have been possible without her at my side. "Even took down Deathstroke before the summit. And since we holographically recorded the entire deal, we'll be able to use the bad guys' _own words_ against them to clear the Justice League!" Beast Boy hugged her. "What was that?"

"I'm still just so glad that you're alive. And that Aqualad's not a traitor! And look! A souvenir!" He held up Pyrrha's helmet that she had taken off before the summit began. Pain shot through my heart as I looked at it. Beast Boy pointed at me, bringing me out of my pity. "No more faking anyone's death for at least a year, OK?"

"Yeah. Seconded," said Kid Flash.

I sighed. "Agreed."

"Kaldur, this has been a good night," Nightwing said placing his hand on my shoulder. "Maybe the best one since the three of us took off for Cadmus five plus years ago."

_Cadmus... Star._

Kid Flash placed his hand on my other shoulder and it was like we were young kids again.

"Come on, enjoy the moment my friend. You've earned it." Wally tried to reassure me of our victory but I looked down at my father. Nightwing and Beast Boy walked away but Artemis and Wally lingered.

"Is this about Jet?" Wally asked quietly and rubbed the back of his neck. "I saw you guys... talking."

Embarrassed, I imagined what we must've looked like. "I offered her sanctuary. She declined."

"Luthor _did_ lock her up for two months. I'm sure that messed with her mind," Artemis said.

"He did _what_?!" Wally shouted. Artemis shushed him. "Why did _no one_ tell me? I'm going to kill him."

Artemis gave him a look that said 'This is why we didn't tell you' and he nodded obediently as he held her hand.

"She didn't seem any different," I said as I thought over her words. She was joking with me, teasing me even. Like she used to. "In fact, she seemed more like Starling. She seemed... focused."

_'Luthor will be dealt with.'_

"But why wouldn't she come with us?" Wally asked. "If Luthor did all of that to her, why would she go back to him? The Light is gone. Does she think we wouldn't forgive her?"

_'I won't ask your forgiveness. I don't want or need it because I don't regret what I did.'_

"Forgiveness means nothing to Pyrrha," I explained. Wally didn't know Pyrrha like Artemis and me. "The reason she didn't accept my offer was because she had plans of her own. She's driven by one thing, no matter the cost."

"Revenge," Artemis said quietly as she understood.

I nodded. "She's going to kill Luthor."


	22. Check

_Don't want to think much_   
_I don't want to reminisce_   
_'Cause love songs and poems have all led, they've all led me to this_

**METROPOLIS**   
**Jun 19, 06:30**

I made my way back from Santa Prisca and as the sun rose over Metropolis, I found the city was no longer beautiful to me.

It used to be this shining promise of a new life and starkly different from the dark and rainy Gotham filled with what Audrey lovingly called 'Batman and his batbabies'.

Now Metropolis was sickening to look at. The air reeked of car exhaust and metal and the glare off the buildings gave me a headache. I would've given my left eye in exchange for my helmet so I could hide from the sun. But being able to fly without any way for a certain someone to contact me gave me time to think about things a little clearer.

The Team wasn't supposed to be at the summit. We were only supposed to betray the Reach and take the Warworld and continue our plan. Now, with the Light broken and my bonds within it severed, I was free. The only downside is that Luthor wouldn't be easy to get near now. I wouldn't be able to follow through on my plan to kill him without playing the damsel and I would rather be tortured by Mr. Freeze than bat my eyelashes at Luthor again.

When I reached my boarding house, I saw Mrs. Smith outside.

"Pyrrha! You're home!" I landed and groaned as the not-so-frail woman hugged me tight. "Is this about the Reach?"

"The Reach?"

"The League must've outed them already. Busybodies." Audrey's pout turned into a fangirl smile. "Mmmm, Aqualad's busy body..."

"They were ordered to leave." My attention went back to the old lady who eyed me up and down. "You've lost weight again. They didn't feed you in France?"

" _France_?" Audrey snapped out of her perverted daydream.

"Who told you I was in France?"

"Mr. Luthor, of course. He seemed so sad he couldn't go with you."

"Yeah, I bet," Audrey sneered.

"Wait, he was _here_?" I felt my heart begin to pound as I thought of his cameras.

"Just once. He paid up your lease for the year and said he needed to drop some things off in your apartment."

"He was in my apartment?" I asked breathlessly.

"Yes..." Mrs. Smith frowned. She put it together as my glow brightened. "You two aren't together... and you weren't in France."

She offered an apology but I couldn't focus on anything else as I raced to my apartment.

When I entered, everything was in the exact place I had left it in which only made the new and meticulously placed items on my table more terrifying and intrusive. Laid in a row were my wallet, my keys, my phone and a familiar chess set.

My skin crawled as the thought of him in my apartment setting it up sent me into a frenzy as I tore my home apart looking for cameras in the corners of rooms, trackers in my clothes, or recording equipment of any kind.

I found nothing.

He hadn't touched anything and he hadn't placed new cameras. As I looked at the destruction I caused on my own property, I could see the toll Luthor had taken on me.

I turned my attention to the out of place chessboard and pieces. It was the very beautiful and expensive ebony board with overly ornate pieces that he had brought to my room in Cadmus and the one we played on often in his apartment when we weren't...

The memories of my stupidity made me shudder.

In the middle of the board were the king from one side and the queen from the other with a note tucked underneath them. I lifted the pieces and noticed how chipped they were. I could guess how the damage happened and couldn't help but see the symbolism. I opened the folded paper to read the familiar handwriting:

_It's time we finished our game, Darling._

The simple phrase knocked the air from my lungs and I fell to my knees. I sobbed as the manifestation of my psychosis tried to comfort me.

_**Bzzt Bzzt** _

My head shot up. Audrey and I stood and walked to the table to stare at the ringing phone with hatred and paranoia. Instead of seeing 'The Devil Wears Armani' as the caller's name, I saw:

**L** **ex**

"He went into your phone..."

As I checked the notifications, I saw he had only called that once. Not the thousands I assumed he would. Not even a text.

"Narcissists don't leave a paper trail," Audrey whispered.

She was right. He wasn't one to psychotically antagonize me with insults and threats. He was cold, calculating, and cruel and this was proof of his belief of the hold he had on me. This one missed call said everything. He knew I was home. He didn't need cameras. He had someone watching me. In this neighborhood, that could be anyone, even Mrs. Smith.

_**Bzzt Bzzt** _

I watched his name pop up again. My hands were shaking but there was no way I'd let him know that. I closed my eyes to let the calm crash over me and was ready.

"Luthor."

"Where the _hell_ have you been."

"Further than your leash goes, I'd guess."

"You were ordered to return to LexCorp."

"If I'm coming to LexCorp, I'm coming to kill you." I seethed. "Did you really think you had broken me? I am a daughter of Gotham. I've been beaten, starved, buried alive, and burned to death. You may have broken my heart, Lex Luthor, but you will _never_ break me.

"Locking me away only made me more dangerous, you idiot. And now without the Light at full strength, what binds me to you? It's not love, remember? Because I sure as hell didn't forget. I will _never_ forget.

"One day, Luthor, I am going to be close enough to kiss you and instead, I'm going to _rip_ your throat out with my teeth."

Silence.

"Goodbye, Pyrrha."

I set the phone down far too gently for how furious I felt. I wasn't going to let him ruin me and I wouldn't waste tears on him. It felt like a mantra I kept repeating. But somehow, I kept letting him in and I kept crying.

Exhausted, I fell into my bed and breathed in my own scent. Not Luthor's. Not the inside of a Reach pod. Me. Just me.

"It must be nice to be home." Audrey's southern twang sliced through the silence and I glared up at her from my pillow. She looked curiously at all the photo frames on my dresser. "I haven't been home in almost a year. Hey! We died in the same year! Death twins!"

"You're twisted."

"Eye of the beholder. Yada yada." She ran her fingers over my black domino mask. "What do ya plan on doin'? I mean, you can't go back to the heroes since you told Kaldur 'no' on his offer--which in my opinion was stupid. Did you not see his big, gorgeous eyes? He held your hand for a long, long time and methinks a ship has sailed into the harbor."

"Kaldur was just worried about me." I frowned. "He's always been that way. He thinks I have a darkness or something."

"He said you're worth saving, though."

"Again, that's just Kaldur." Audrey rolled her eyes at me and looked out the window. "I can't run, Audrey. I know Luthor. He'd find me no matter where I go. I _have_ to kill him. But he's not a random henchman or an unnamed clone. When I kill him, the hero life is off the table forever."

"Oh, well." She stayed by the window and stared at the sky. "At least it was good while it lasted right?"

"There were a few high points." I walked over to the pictures she had looked at and saw the New Year's Eve Gala picture of Lex and me. "It's like that nursery rhyme. When we were good, we were _really_ good."

I sighed and touched the picture of us at the gala. He was holding me in his arms and I was smiling at him with nothing short of pure adoration in my eyes.

"But when we were bad, we were _horrid_."

I took the picture in my hands and burned it. When it had finished burning, I threw the ashes outside and watched them fly away in the summer wind.

After rinsing my hands, I laid on my bed and tried to sleep.

"What about Jason's warning? Do you think Luthor is gonna kill you?"

"Audrey?"

"Yes, Hayden?"

"It's time for you to shut up now."


	23. Endgame

_There's a room where the light won't find you_   
_Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down_

**SUICIDE SLUMS**   
**Jun 20, 08:10**

"Hayden."

I woke up to Audrey's voice and found myself wrapped tightly in my sheets in a fetal position. The clock on my nightstand informed me that I had slept an entire day away. Despite that, I still felt tired.

A groan escaped my throat as I slammed my head into my pillow, begging time to stop. I rolled my head to the side to see Audrey was still standing at the window.

I pulled the tangled black mess of hair out of my face and sleepily flew to her to see what she thought was so important as to wake me from my depression. However, once I saw the sky filled with unnaturally swirling storm clouds, I mentally woke up.

"Gods above..."

I grabbed my phone and saw I had just barely missed a text.

I could only assume the worst from those aliens. However, thanks to them, the oppurtunity to go through with my plan may have been put back on the table.

"Hayden." I looked back at Audrey. Her face was serious and sad. "This will end in death."

I could see in her eyes that she didn't mean Luthor's death. Her warning was foreboding, especially considering Jason's dreams but there was a part of me that knew it was my duty to do what I could.

Although, I wasn't counting on the congregation of heroes outside of LexCorp that glared at me as I landed among them.

I would've given both of my eyes for my helmet. Just because they were heroes didn't mean they had to accept me with open arms and I knew they blamed me for whatever was happening. I never wanted to hide so badly.

"Jet!" A familiar voice called out and I saw the yellow and red suit.

In a sea of frowns and scowls, the ever-smiling Wally was an island of acceptance. His freckled face beamed as he flashed forward to me but a black leather arm reached out to stop him. We both looked at the owner with confusion.

"What do you think you're doing?" Nightwing growled to me as he lowered his arm. I felt the group's eyes on me but I held my head high.

"I came to help."

"Don't you think you've done enough, _Pyrrha_? Leave this to the heroes."

His words made me grit my teeth. I wanted to punch him so badly but that probably was not the best idea considering who I was surrounded by.

"Nightwing," Kid Flash whispered, "that's not fair."

"She doesn't deserve 'fair'." He turned from me and glared at the peanut gallery who dispersed quickly. I felt my classic anger vomit bubble up.

"He'd be so proud," I smirked. "You're no longer Mini-Batman. You are an _exact_ carbon copy."

I meant it to hurt. I wanted it to hurt. I needed my words to be my fists and it worked. His eyes that once looked at me with affection were now filled with anger that he was struggling to hold back.

"And if _he_ could see what you've become?"

"Batman _has_ seen me."

"I'm talking about Robin."

My smirk disappeared and I glowed brightly.

"That's what I thought," Nightwing scoffed. "How is it that I'm _still_ picking up after your messes? I'm so sick of seeing your fingerprints all over everything that's going wrong. Why are you always one slip up from ruining everything?"

"Not always, just mostways." I tried to joke but his words cut deep. Jason _was_ alive and I knew what he thought of me.

"You're lucky that we are too busy to lock you up with the rest of your friends. Go home, Pyrrha." He ran into my shoulder roughly as he walked past me. "Just stay out of my way."

"Stay 'traught, _Batman_ ," I called out, compulsively needing to get the last word in. But he was right and we both knew it.

"You okay?"

I looked back at Wally, surprised to hear any concern for my feelings but his eyes were worried and sincere.

"I can't afford not to be." I shrugged but he saw through it. He reached out and rubbed my arm awkwardly before running off.

I watched everyone walk away from me. They were the heroes they were always meant to be and I was the screw up I was destined to become. Dick was right. As always.

I turned to see Kaldur right behind me.

"Tats!" I gasped, pulsing brightly. "Been taking stealth lessons from the Batbrats?"

He grabbed my arms tight and his eyes were worried.

"Star, I need to talk to you--"

"It's okay, I know better than to let Nightwing get to m--"

"That's not what I'm ta--"

"Don't try to protect me from what I am--"

"Star, stop talking! I have to tell you something about--" his caring sea green eyes turned cold and hateful, "Luthor."

I felt a hand on the small of my back and suddenly couldn't remember how to breathe.

"Kaldur'ahm."

The sound of his voice made me glow a dangerous red but I didn't dare turn to look at him. I stared at Kaldur's red suit as if it were the only thing holding me together. The bravery I thought I had dissipated at the very sound of his voice.

"Darling, I need your help in my office."

Gently, he pushed me forward but Kaldur grabbed my wrist tightly. The memory of my instinctual hold onto Dick's sleeve in the hospital after Scarecrow tortured me popped in my head and in Kaldur's eyes, I saw the same fear I went through in the box. Kaldur was terrified to let me go.

"Go on, Tats." I felt Luthor stiffen up at my familiarity with Kaldur. "Go save the world."

I reassured my friend by dulling my frantic glow and smiling as sincerely as I could. I pulled from Kaldur's grip and hid my own fear as Luthor guided me to LexCorp Tower with Mercy following behind. I could feel Kaldur's eyes on me as I heard La'gann try to get his attention.

_I'm sorry, Kaldur._

Before we entered the elevator, Luthor put his hand out, refusing to let Mercy in with us. She looked confused, but obeyed.

He was testing me by leaving himself unarmed. But in my flurry of thoughts, I couldn't make out why.

We stood in the elevator in silence, listening to the horrible muzak as my hatred for him grew the higher up we went. I decided I would kill him there and hopefully, have a headstart on the police because of the chaos. It wasn't the best plan or the cleanest, but the longer I stood next to him, the quicker my resolve disappeared.

_It's now or never._

"Pyrrha--" I grabbed his throat and threw him into the side of the elevator that was now drenched in a violent red.

"Do not speak to me, Luthor! Not one word! I'm not losing another day of my life because of you!"

The color of his eyes became the acid green I loathed as I tightened my grip on his neck. Taking advantage of my spur-of-the-moment thinking, Lex broke out of my hold and whipped me around. Pain shot through my arm as he twisted it behind me and pushed me into the wall. Furious, I roared and pushed back, smashing him into the opposite side of the elevator which made him let go of me as he fell to the ground. My fire erupted as I backed away from him.

Luthor growled as he stood up and smoothed his suit. His fists clenched tightly as he set his sights back on me.

"Come any closer and I'll kill you!" I snarled.

He called my bluff and took a step.

"I swear to the gods, I will break every bone in your body!"

Another.

"I mean it, Luthor!"

He winced as he grabbed my flaming wrist and I surprised myself by putting my flames out. Panic flooded me. If I couldn't burn him, what hope did I have of killing him?

He was thinking the same thing because he reached up to my face. I cocked my arm back and slugged him across his face. I wish I could say it was voluntary but I knew it was only muscle memory.

He kept his head turned from me but I could see the blood start to trail from the corner of his mouth down his chin. A sick satisfaction flooded me and I couldn't help but smirk and chuckle. His jaw clenched at that and his grip on my wrist tightened.

Luthor wiped his mouth with his free hand and turned his acid eyes towards me. His breathing was haggard and his body was starting to slightly shake. My smirk disappeared as I realized he was going to let go of his restraint as well.

His bloodied hand shot up and grabbed the nape of my neck. Too shocked to react, I gave no resistance as he forced me towards him and our lips crashed into each other's.

The tight grip left my wrist and the now free hand found its way into my hair, taking a handful and pulling roughly. Instead of pushing him away, I used the painful gasp to suck in his lip.

And I bit down.

The taste of iron entered my mouth before Luthor recoiled from me a step or two. He touched his lip and looked at the blood on his hand in disbelief. It was as if biting him was more unbelievable than me hitting him. With his hand lowered, I could see the bruise just off the corner of his mouth began to color and his bottom lip was covered in red.

The elevator doors opened to his apartment with a ding that was far too relaxed for what was taking place.

After what felt like an eternity, the stranger in front of me finally looked up from his hand.

Instead of acid hate, his eyes were soft and deep. Caught off guard, I frowned as he lowered the bloody hand and with his clean hand, he pulled a handkerchief from his suit and wiped the blood from his mouth. He tucked it away, never taking his eyes off of mine and never showing a glimmer of anger.

I was completely unprepared as he closed the space between us and raised his clean hand to my chin. I jerked my head away and scowled at him but knew it was unconvincing. I looked at his burned hand and back to his bloodied and bruised face.

He sighed softly and moved his hand forward again. Despite every fiber of my being screaming to kill him, I let him pull my chin back to him.

But he didn't move forward. He wasn't continuing the ritual. He was just looking down at me with sad, soft eyes.

_'Do not speak to me, Luthor. Not one word.'_

That's why he never made a sound when I burned him, when I hit him, when I bit him. But I knew him. Lex Luthor never entered a battle without believing he was going to win. He didn't leave Mercy downstairs because he trusted that I wasnt going to try anything. He wasn't letting me hurt him because he knew he deserved it. He wasn't remaining silent just because I asked him to.

He was making me the monster in the relationship and he wanted me to know it.

I was clearly outgunned. As smart as I was and as strong as I was, he was smarter and able to break me without raising a fist.

He won. I lost. And not just in this fight. What did I have without him? A league of heroes who despised me? A world that looked at me like a freak? I had nothing without him. He knew it. I knew it. So why pretend I was any less of a monster than he was?

Patiently, he waited for permission to hurt me again. I bowed my head and closed my eyes as a tear rolled down my glowing cheek.

"You may," I surrendered.

He wiped the tear away and lifted my chin to him. His lips softly brushed on mine with the tenderness he normally showed but I knew this wasn't anything like it was--if it ever was what I thought it was.

"Help me with my suit," I whispered on his lips. I felt his smile against mine and he did as he was told.

 

* * *

 

 

* * *

 

I fell to Luthor's chest and tried to catch my breath as the frenzied pulses of our bodies beat against each other. I listened to his heart beat as it began to slow and even out. A part of me prayed it would continue slowing until it stopped but my cowardice wouldn't be rewarded like that.

His arms tightened around me, begging for a level of closeness that didn't exist. It felt hollow and broken--a ghost of nights before.

I laid on his chest and stared through his large glass windows at the city and the stormy skies. The world was ending and I was having sex with the man who locked me away for two months. I wasn't worthy of being saved. This is what I deserved.

"You can speak." I said softly. "I'm not going to kill you."

My words hung in the air but he said nothing. His heartbeat didn't quicken and his breathing stayed steady. He won. He got to have me one more time and was probably confident he could do it again, no matter how angry I was or how much I hated him.

I pushed off of his chest and sat on the edge of the bed trying to find the words to say, trying to find the strength to say them. But there was no courage in that room. Only a toxic relationship that would be--if I believed Jason's nightmares--the death of me.

I stood up and left him in the bed and went into the bathroom. As I stood in front of the sink, I looked at my reflection. Dried red streaks and blotches vandalized my skin. It was visual proof of everywhere he had been. Everywhere I had let him go.

Shaking, I entered the shower and let the hot water pour over me. I tried to close my eyes to let the calm give me strength but nothing came. I shut my eyes tighter, but still nothing. I covered my mouth and sobbed silently as I realized just how alone I was.

 

* * *

 

 

* * *

 

Once I had composed myself and slipped back into my suit, I went to Luthor's office and distracted my mind with the statuses of the heroes.

"Delta, neutralized."

"Gamma neutralized."

"Enjoy your break?" Audrey asked as she walked up next to me. I ignored her and walked to the window and looked out to the dark sky. "You are really messed up, hon. And that's not even includin' the fact that you are currently talkin' to the girl you killed months ago. Why didn't you kill him? After everything he did to you! Oh, snips, here he comes."

I looked in the reflection of the window and saw my monster exit his apartment. He stopped to watch me for a moment before sitting at his desk and making a call.

"You can come up now, Mercy."

"He sure knows how to make a girl feel special," Audrey said as she glared at him before looking back at me with concern as a tear fell from my eye. "Oh, Hayden. You got yourself in deep. I don't think you'll ever be able to come back from a relationship like this."

She walked in front of me to look me in the eye as the last egg was deactivated. Her face was emotionless.

"Pyrrha. Pay attention."

I nodded to her and wiped my tear away as Mercy entered the office. The bodyguard scowled at me as she walked to Lex's side. Or maybe that was just her face. I still had no freaking idea. I ignored her and took a look at the information the heroes were sending. The last group disabled their disrupters but I looked out the window and saw things weren't adding up.

"The storm isn't dissipating," I said to Luthor as if everything were normal and we were partners again. "We're missing one."

"Dammit. It was right in front of me," he said quietly. He sent the information to Blue Beetle and the Speedsters took off for the Arctic.

I felt guilty for thinking so but I hoped they would fail. If the world ended, so would I.

"Flash to Watchtower: the magnetic field disrupter. Its already gone chrysalis. I'm not sure if the egg--"

"The egg is useless now. You are too late," Lex said and I let out a quiet sigh of relief.

"I told you this would end in death." I looked at a sad Audrey as Lex explained how to negate the chrysalis. She turned to me with tears in her eyes. "Pay attention, Jet."

I listened to the radio speak and heard Wally had joined his fellow Speedsters. I followed their conversation that he couldn't keep up and the energy was being exited into him.

"Gods, no," I gasped as I put it together. I flew to Lex's desk but he turned off his connection to the League. He stood up and grabbed my arms. "What are you doing!? Tell them to stop!"

"If he stops, the world is destroyed! He's not stopping. He understands what is happening." He held my arms tight as we looked at each other. "He's a hero, Darling. Heroes die."

I wanted to fight him, yell at him, argue. But he didn't say anything I didn't already think myself. The silence between us was broken as the heroes began to cheer.

"They did it!"

"It's over."

"Congratulations! You have sa--"

"Wait. Where's Wally?"

I began to tremble as Artemis' voice broke my already shattered heart.

"Artemis, he wanted me to tell you--"

"No... No."

"He loved you."

Tears streamed down my face as I heard her grief. Mercy cut the feed as Lex pulled me to his chest.

"Don't fall apart, Darling," Lex said softly as he tucked my hair behind my ear and pressed his cheek to the top of my head. I wanted to stay. I wanted to hide in this tower and never leave again.

But Audrey wouldn't let me.

"It's time to go, Hayden."

I pushed back reluctantly from the warmth and false safety of Luthor's chest as my world crumbled. When I turned from him, he took my hand gently.

"Don't go, Darling. You shouldn't be alone. Not after this."

"You're never alone with me," Audrey said as she waited by the open balcony door. I pulled from Lex's hand and without looking back, flew home.

**A/N: *shields self from** **angrily** **hurled** **objects** *****


	24. Exigent

_We didn't even get a chance to say goodbye._   
_Give me something to live for, something to die for._

**SUICIDE SLUMS**   
**Jul 4, 10:00**

As my town car navigated the busy streets of Metropolis, I read through the texts I had sent Pyrrha--my favorite form of torture. I hadn't received an answer from her in weeks.

As I started to type out another message--putting my thoughts on autopilot--I stopped myself and deleted it immediately before tossing the torturous device on the leather seat next to me. I sighed loudly and looked out the window to distract myself with the city's bustling excitement in celebrating the holiday.

_One year._

_Somehow, it feels like we've been at each other's throats for a lifetime._

Even before she woke up, I had already devoted my time and energy to her. I gave Pyrrha everything I could. The best doctors, a place to train, a personalized suit--two, actually--and a way into the Light and she threw it all back in my face. I gave her all I had.

Well, not everything, if I was honest with myself. I knew she wanted two things from me and they were two things she would never get, as badly as I wanted to give them to her. 

One was an apology. A simple, heartfelt apology with an unwavering promise to never do any of the heinous things she accused me of doing again. 

That would never happen. 

I knew what I had done was not with the gentlest of hands, but apology-worthy? No. Pyrrha was out of control and had lost her mind. Even though I was able to win our exchange when we fought weeks ago in the elevator--if one could call a second degree burn, a bruised jaw and a bitten lip a win--she was focused and deadly which was something she hadn't been in months. Locking her up was a terrible thing to do but I considered myself a consequentialist. Everything I did was for the greater good, even if it seemed terrible at the moment--so an apology was off the table.

Then, there was the second thing she wanted from me. 

Unlike the apology that I would gladly fake if she would believe it, I would give in to this one condition if I was capable of it. I worshiped her, I devoted my time to her, I gave her everything I could short of that one thing in an effort to show her I was trying. But anytime I gained the courage to tell her how I felt, that damn fishboy sprang from the depths to take her attention from me.

She may have said that he meant nothing but the moment Manta wanted to bring his mutant child into the Light, the mere thought of him had already infected her mind. The exact week I had taken the next step after the New Year's Eve Gala and we were the happiest we had ever been, that freak came in and ruined it all. With each visit to him, she pulled away until I couldn't take it anymore. 

Again, I didn't regret what I did by giving her to the Reach because she came out better. Yes, she was angry with me but she'd been angry with me before and with the right pieces moved, I believed we could make it.

After all, what relationship was perfect and without arguments?

But if I was going to make this right, I needed to say those two things. I needed to mean them and I needed to prove it.

My car pulled up to a disgusting, decrepit house in South Metropolis and at the front door stood an angry looking Mrs. Smith. Her demeanor had changed since the time I arrived to place Pyrrha's effects in her apartment after I released her for the summit.

"Mrs. Smith," I greeted warmly as I exited the car. "How are you?"

"Don't try that with me. I _see_ you for what you are." She wagged a wrinkled finger at me and gave me an intimidating crazy eye. "She doesn't want to see you."

"Did she tell you this?" I asked calmly and the old woman faltered her steely gaze for a moment. "Ah, I thought not. Thank you for your concern, Mrs. Smith, but I need to see her."

I attempted to move past her but she still had the grit to stand in front of me. Normally, I would've enjoyed playing a game with her but with me at the end of my rope with Pyrrha and the upcoming appearance with Godfrey, I was too irritated to play.

"You are a _vain_ man," she hissed. "That woman was the best thing to happen to us--a light of hope in this rotten city--and you wanted it all to yourself. The worst part is that I told her to give you a chance. I should've told her to run from you--to never stop running."

"That would've been very foolish, Mrs. Smith. One, this isn't your affair to mediate and two, Pyrrha isn't an angel. Not in the way you see her." I leaned close to her. "I've watched her kill a hundred times and saw her _smile_ during every one. If she's an angel, then she's the Angel of Death."

The old woman was quiet and stared at me. She knew Pyrrha had a dark side. Hell, Pyrrha only had a dark side it seemed. 

"Now, this is what is going to happen. You are going to move _ever so slightly_ to let me pass and I'm going to go see her. If you get in my way again, I'll have to resort to measures I don't want to take--measures you don't want me to take. So let's be adults and think before we say or do foolish things we can't take back."

Her self preservation outweighed her loyalty.

"You don't deserve her," she said as I passed her.

"I know."

The carpet was filthy, the wallpaper was old and peeling, lights flickered, and a horrible stench of decades of microwaved dinners and cardboard pizza boxes lingered in the air. The mysterious reason Pyrrha had to decline moving in with me eluded me until I thought a little harder about her psyche. When I realized her subconscious reasoning for staying in the hellhole, my heart ached.

Pyrrha believed it was what she deserved.

As I walked to her door, I saw her shadow pace back and forth under the door and heard her voice. She sounded irritated and on the verge of crying or punching someone. I never knew with her.

"I _am_! I am paying attention, Audrey! But that's all you say now! I am always paying attention and it's driving me nuts!" There was a pause and I assumed she was on the phone since I couldn't hear an audible response. "Yes. _Again_."

I've heard her mention Audrey before. I just couldn't remember when. Pyrrha didn't have friends. At least, none she would bother to call. I mentally logged the name for later and took the opportunity to knock but I could almost feel the silence that followed.

"Darling?" I called to her softly. "I need to talk to you. You haven't been answering any of my calls or my texts."

A shadow moved under the door and my heart ached at how close she was--and how far she felt.

"Godfrey is announcing his support for me becoming UN Secretary. I'd like for you to be with me tonight... at my side."

Nothing. The shadow didn't even move.

"Pyrrha, let me know you're okay. All I can think about is that day. My world is in a tailspin without you. I'm not thinking things through, I'm quick to anger, I'm even threatening old women." I chuckled lightly but the silence remained. "I would do whatever it took to see your face. Darling, I would let you drag me to hell if it only meant I could feel your touch again."

Nothing.

"The truth is," I turned around and leaned my back into the door, "you _scare_ me. When we first met and I burned my hand trying to calm you, your warmth flowed through my entire body. I thought that was a sign that you were _meant_ to be mine--my own plaything. I wanted to control your fire and your power. When you turned your attention to me, I believed that I was able to control the fearsome Pyrrha with nothing but a smile. But the moment our lips touched that night..."

I sighed as I looked at the flickering fluorescent lights.

"All the money and power I had chased my entire life did nothing to fill the void inside of me. Like tossing pebbles into a cave. Then you came in and illuminated everything with your... with your love.

"I tried to ignore it. I tried to push it away--push _you_ away. I rationalized it by believing that there was no possible way you loved me. Who would be _stupid_ enough to love Lex Luthor? Especially someone who knew what I was capable of?" I turned my head sideways wishing I could speak to her face to face. "Do you realize how much that meant to me when you said you accepted that side of me? How badly that terrified me? You knew I would hurt you-- _I_ knew that I would hurt you--and you still stayed with me. How could I give you anything of what you deserved when you were ready to be hurt by me?"

I turned around to face the door and waited for an answer, for a shift in the shadow that never moved.

"Say something."

Nothing. I spilled my heart out and nothing was returned back to me. Again, I was getting the raw end of the deal with her. My rage built, as it had before whenever Pyrrha was concerned, and I felt my fist slam into the door.

"Talk to me! Who do you have if not me!? You are as _bound_ to me as I am to you! I've changed who I am for you when you said you would accept me! What have you done for me besides derail all of my plans just so I could accommodate you?!"

A door opened in the hallway and a man looked out. I composed myself and waved at the nervous man. He hesitantly went back into his apartment.

"I-I didn't mean that," I said as apologetically as possible. I did mean every angry word but I didn't mean to say it aloud. I heard a muffled sniffle and closed my eyes.

"It's better to be feared than loved," I referenced Machiavelli's ideology. "When I found myself attached to you, I didn't know how to react. I wanted your heart in a cage because that's all I knew. If I was going to be loved by you, then I was going to guarantee I was going to keep your heart if you were going to keep mine.

"Pyrrha, I've been alone my entire life but the first time I was truly lonely was after you left. I've felt how cold life can be without you near me and I don't ever want to feel this way again. I want to feel your warmth. I want to wake up to your beautiful face and watch those gorgeous eyes see me first thing in the morning. I want to hear your laugh, I want to see your glow. You are my sun and my world is dark without you, Darling. I was never ready for you to leave. I will _never_ be ready for you to leave.

"So no more games. No more holding back. You deserve the world--the galaxy--and I want to be the one to give it to you. Do you remember the New Year's Gala?"

I sighed as I was met with more silence and tried to calm my rage.

"' _I am not yours, not lost in you, Not lost, although I long to be Lost as a candle lit at noon, Lost as a snowflake in the sea._

_You love me, and I find you still A spirit beautiful and bright, Yet I am I, who long to be Lost as a light is lost in light._

_Oh plunge me deep in love—put out My senses, leave me deaf and blind, Swept by the tempest of your love, A taper in a rushing wind_.'

"Darling, look how far we've come. Don't give up on us. I'm Lost in you. I'll always be Lost in you and I don't know why I haven't said it sooner..."

_Say it, Lex. Say it._

"Darling, I'm s--" The words threatened to choke me. "Pyrrha, I lo--"

I sighed as the words remained trapped inside me. As I walked away in defeat, I could faintly hear crying.

_You don't deserve her. You will never deserve her._


	25. Peripetia

_I'll be there when you need me most_   
_I'll be there if you're ever alone_

**SUICIDE SLUMS**   
**Jul 4, 21:30**

An incessant tapping woke me from my depression-soaked sleep and I couldn't for the life of me figure how long I had slept. The last thing I remembered was Luthor outside of my door. My heart broke again as his words replayed in my mind.

_'You are bound to me as I am to you!'_

He was angry but he was right. Our claws were so deep in each other that there was no hope of moving on. It's not like either of us deserved happiness anyways.

Who was I to say anything about a broken heart?

I cringed at my selfishness as I thought about Artemis and... Wally. My heartbreak was deserved. Her's wasn't. 

I became aware of the tapping again and pulled my head up from the comfy pillow to look at the time on my alarm clock.

00:00 

That wouldn't be so strange from a digital clock but my digital clock didn't display military time. 

The tapping sped up and I cautiously flew out of bed to the origin of the sound. I zeroed in on it at the window in my living room. When I pulled back the ratty old curtain, I saw a lone Starling pecking at the glass. 

I frowned at the horrible symbol of my life and flicked the glass to scare it. It hopped back and eyed me up and down in that unnerving way birds do. Then, it took a lunge at the glass with one last peck, causing a web of cracks to fracture not only in the window pane but in all the windows of my apartment.

I watched in confusion as a thumping began to shake the room. A loud crash smashed through the apartment and I covered my face instinctively. The thumping became familiar and I remembered the murmuration from the night my nightmares started. When I opened my eyes, I saw a surreal morpheous murmuration of Starlings as they formed a humanoid shape. Their black bodies dissolved into smoke and into the strawberry-blonde girl who haunted me. Her back was turned to me as she stared out the broken window. 

"I wanted to be a hero." She repeated the sad phrase often said in my nightmares but her body went rigid and her voice became serious. "Pay attention. They are inside, Hayden."

"I don't understand." I slowly moved closer to her. "Who?"

"Pyrrha, they are inside."

"For once, just tell me what you mean!" I grabbed her shoulder and whipped her around only to be met with angry grey eyes, not Audrey's blue ones. I glowed brightly and my jaw opened slightly as I saw... 

... me.

Except it wasn't me. Not this-me. It was a me I hadn't seen in, well, a year. Regina Hayden was a complete stranger. I didn't recognize her features as my own--her light brown skin, her short black hair, and her furious grey eyes. This girl was a stranger.

A stranger who was extremely pissed.

"I wanted to be a hero!" She grabbed my shirt and surprised me at how strong she was. "I wanted to save people! I wanted to protect them from animals like _you_ \--from animals like Lex... How could you even let him _touch_ you?!"

Her disgust was plain to see. I felt like a freak again--not just because of how I looked but because of what I had done--so I looked down, unable to look at my old face.

"I wanted to protect kids like me, kids like _Jason_. How could you let that clown back onto the streets of Gotham? How could you let Ra's live after what his daughter did to Jason? That doesn't even begin to cover the clones, the cult of Kobra, attacking Bruce and Tim, Wally..." Her frown deepened into a snarl. "And Kaldur. Don't get me started on what you did to him. You have to fix this! You _need_ to wake up!

Her face froze.

"They are inside."

"Who? _Who_ is inside?"

She grabbed me tight, her nails digging into my skin. "Jet, you need to wake up. _Now_!"

Fireworks boomed outside, lighting up my small apartment for seconds at a time before it returned to darkness. Scared and angry, I laid in my bed as I paid attention. The explosions and street noises could be heard through an open window somewhere in my apartment.

Rule #5 of Suicide Slums: Sleeping with an open window is a good way to get your throat slit. 

Someone was inside.

I silently flew out of bed and kept my glow contained. There was a shadow and the sounds of shuffling from around the corner. I rolled my eyes at the amateur but my curiosity at who would have the gall to try to attack me while I slept got the better of me and I quietly flew around the corner to see Icicle Jr. fumbling in the darkness. I decided to help the poor fool and illuminated my home.

"Junior," I announced as my light grew. Instead of surprise or fear, I only saw a smirk grow on his face. Somewhere between his cowering fear when I was in the Reach pod and now, he gained courage. Or insanity. Either way, this wasn't going to just be a conversation.

"Pyrrha," he smiled murderously. "Have a good nap?"

"Listen, let's skip the villainous monologues where you tell me Queen Bee sent you to take me out because she's making a play for what's left of the Light." I cracked my neck. "Instead, I'll give you a choice. You can say I wasn't home and you'll leave here with your life _or_ you can stay and I can shake some rust off of me before paying Marina a visit."

He only smiled wider.

"How intimidating. One thing wrong with those options, Crazy." Captain Cold and Killer Frost stepped from behind a wall. I clenched my fists. "I came with friends and you are alone."

"I may be alone but never mistake that for weakness." I prepared myself by getting in a fighting stance and lit my hands up. "Bring it, snowflakes."

Junior loaded his arm and shot multiple ice shards towards me. I threw my arms up and formed a wall of searing fire, melting the ice blades. My wall dissipated as a cold beam from Captain Cold shot towards me. Surprised, I flew back as Killer Frost leapt forward, taking the chance to grab ahold of me.

The pain from her touch was unbearable and I screamed as she began to drain my warmth.

"There's so much energy!" She began to laugh. " _Why_ haven't I attacked you before!?"

"Because you couldn't hope to take me alone," I groaned as I grabbed her hand and crushed it. She screamed out as her bones snapped in my grip. The other two charged and I threw her at them. I took my chance and flew through my front door, splintering the cheap material. 

"Pyrrha, what's happening?!" Julio was standing just a few feet away holding a lead pipe.

"I need you to get everyone out!" I expected the normal blank face most civilians get when they are in a crisis but Julio nodded and pulled a fire alarm before he started banging on doors.

"Get your asses out your fire escapes! Stay out of the hall!"

I smirked, somewhat impressed, but that lapse in focus cost me. An icicle shot right under my shoulder and pinned me to the wall. I groaned and hissed from the pain as the three gleefully emerged through the broken door.

I snarled at my assassins and began to take deep breaths. "You really think you can kill me?!"

"Look at yourself," Junior scoffed. "Not even five minutes in and you are already out of breath."

I smiled at the criminals as I heard Julio yell out from outside that everyone was out. "I'm not out of breath. Oxygen feeds fire. I'm _literally_ just warming up." 

Captain Cold was the first to lose his smile as they watched me immolate, catching the floor, wall, and ceiling around me on fire. I melted the icicle holding me to the wall and felt my blood begin to make its way down my side.

Captain Cold turned and left the two younger ice metas to fend for themselves. To Junior's credit, he showed no fear as he unleashed a torrent of razor sharp icicles through my fire and heat, one of which nicked my neck enough to worry me. I responded with my own balls of fire but quickly I saw that this fight wasn't fair.

Frost was the first to become weak from the heat and ran, leaving Icicle and me in the blazing hall.

"Was I right?" I yelled over the roaring fire. "Were you sent by Marina?"

"Does it matter? You're dead no matter what, Psycho!"

"Why?! I still serve the Light!" He looked at me with no answer prepared. "My alliances in the Light aren't many but they are powerful. Queen Bee is only taking charge because Savage is gone! Do you really think Ra's al Ghul or Luthor will back her coup?"

His smile returned and unsettled me.

"You aren't the only house call being made tonight, Nutjob. LexCorp Tower isn't as fortified as you'd think."

_Lex._

I saw red and instinct took over. I felt my hands grab fistfuls of his shirt and spun around, tossing him into a weakened wall. Fiery bits of plaster and beams fell on the metahuman. I flew to the pile and pulled him by his ankle out of the rubble and flung him into another wall.

As I flew to his unconscious body again, I heard Julio calling my name and it snapped me out of my rage. I grabbed Junior and swung him over my shoulder before leaving the building. 

Outside stood the building occupants and surprisingly enough, Captain Cold and Killer Frost tied back to back. I laid the young man down and checked to make sure he was breathing.

"I knew you had good in you." I looked up to see Mrs. Smith. 

"Sorry about your home."

"Let it burn. As long as everyone made it out alive." 

_Lex._

"I wasn't the only one attacked, I think. I have to make sure... I need to make sure my friend is okay."  

She took my hand in hers, seeing through my choice of words. "You don't owe him anything, Pyrrha."

"Yes, I do. I'm _bound_ to him." I smiled sadly and let go of her hand as I flew into the sky of fireworks and smoke.

I had two weaknesses and Queen Bee knew them both. Lex would be in the city after his GBS appearance and Marina would have operatives waiting. Mercy had trouble with taking on Arsenal, let alone a team of Light operatives. I looked towards LexCorp Tower as I flew through the city as fast as I could, ignoring my bleeding wounds.

_Please, be okay._


	26. Checkmate

_No heroes, villains, one to blame_   
_While wilted roses fill the stage_   
_And the thrill, the thrill is gone_   
_Our debut was a masterpiece_   
_But in the end for you and me_   
_Oh, the show, it can't go on_

**METROPOLIS**   
**Jul 4, 22:00**

Flying as fast as I could past the fireworks in the sky, I reached Lex's balcony with my nerves on edge for what I may find. With my glow contained, I floated to the balcony and tried to look through his windows only to find his window shades down.

 _Strange. He never lowers his shades. I didn't even know he_ had _shades_.

I opened the door slowly and looked inside, letting the fireworks light up the dark apartment.

"Lex?" I whispered as I ignored the drops of blood that dripped down my arm from the injury under my shoulder. An odd sound came from deeper in so I lit up and prepared for a fight. The sound came again but it was no longer odd. Instantly, my mind recognized it.

My heart felt like it imploded in my chest. My stomach seized and my lungs forgot how to breathe. My heart began to erode and dissolve as moans floated through the air from the bedroom.

Tentatively--and against my better judgement--I followed the sounds to the bedroom. I pushed the door open to find Marina on top of Lex, both wrapped in his purple sheets.

My stomach churned and tears filled my eyes as my glow filled the room. A naked Marina smirked as she leaned down to Lex's ear.

"Lex, dear. I think we have company."

I relaxed my clenched fists as he turned towards me. I put hope in the fact that seeing me would undo all of this somehow. But all I saw in his eyes was interrupted passion. He growled from annoyance and focused back on her, caressing her body in front of me.

"Get the hell out," Lex moaned.

"You heard him," she smiled as they moved together. "Get. Out."

My fury erupted in the form of bright white flames and I let out a primal scream as I flew at the two with every intention of burning their flesh together. However, my homicidal fantasy was cut short as a hard hit to my side flung me into a wall. My head hit with a hard crack, putting me in a daze.

"I've been waiting to do that since you took all the glory for Wonder Woman." I looked up to see the large Devastation standing over me.

If I was going to survive to kill Queen Bee, I needed to somehow dispose of her brute. However, her hits rivaled Wonder Woman's and I was already weakened from my earlier fight.

I was on my back so I flew from under her to the other wall and kicked off of it to give me some momentum as I slammed my burning fist in the side of her face.

My hit barely registered to her. My white flames disappeared and the hair on my neck stood up as she smiled sinisterly. Deadly fast, Devastation cocked her arm back and delivered a direct blow to my chest, throwing me halfway through a wall.

I should have flown away but I couldn't give up. I needed to kill them. I needed to feel their flesh burn under my grip. Nothing else mattered. I was too blinded to see this battle would be my hill to die on.

I flew out into the larger living room for more space and Devastation quickly followed, surprising me with a sucker punch to the side of my face. I slammed into a bookcase and tried to ignore the throbbing around my eye.

We threw each other around the apartment for a while--by that, I mean I got my butt thoroughly kicked--until we both stood in a face off on opposite sides of the living room.

I prepared to give Devastation a hit with everything I had and she gladly did the same. Screaming, we threw our fists at each other, causing a fiery seismic blast that threw us back to our starting points.

I opened my eyes to find myself hanging over the edge of the balcony and felt the calm and warm summer air blow across my face as sounds of the city celebrating the night echoed below me.

Painfully, I moved my head to see Devastation was still knocked out but Lex and Marina were gone. I attempted to get up but it made me scream out as my ribs grinded against each other. The high adrenaline was wearing off and I could feel my face swelling, my vision in my right eye was slowly disappearing, and a few vertebrae were definitely chipped.

Devastation began to get up. She shook off her daze and set her sights back on me. A smirk flashed on her lips and she started running towards me.

I braced for the hit but it wasn't enough. She knew I was on the ropes and delivered a final blow. My mind couldn't register the pain as I was thrown off the balcony. Fireworks burst in the sky above me as I began to fall. I tried to fly but my vision began to fade as I fell from the top of LexCorp Tower...

"And remember, Jet," Batman said to me before we left to ruin Scarecrow's plans, "the most important weapon in your arsenal will be your ability to adapt."

"Abandoned as a baby." Scarecrow's voice echoed through the tube connected to my coffin. "Abandoned as a child. Abandoned as a teenager. I bet you think Batman will save you but he'll abandon you too."

"Haven't I taught you how to protect yourself?" Batman said as I confronted him about leaving me to fend for myself while he flirted with Talia.

"Hey, you gotta know we won't ever abandon you," Dick said as we sat on Wayne Tower overlooking Robinson Park. "That day scarred a lot of us because we're your family. The League, the Team, me and Alfred. And even though he doesn't act like it, Bruce probably cares the most. There's nothing we wouldn't do for you, Reg."

"You've learned everything possible from me," Bruce said after I asked to have my old spot as his apprentice back. "I can't teach you to not be you. You are ready to be on your own, Regina. Without anyone to rely on or to rely on you."

"You did what you want to do," Nightwing seethed after a mission with the Team. "Like always. No one here would even know how to control you! You are one slip up from getting someone hurt."

"I just want my friend back. I want you back. I miss you, Reg."

"You oppose me but that makes me think in ways I normally would not," Aqualad smiled as we talked in Mount Justice. "I believe the term is 'opposites attract'?"

"I will NEVER leave you behind, Regina!" Batman tried to comfort me right before I flew into the ball of fire and energy. "I'm not giving up! Don't you give up either!"

"I'd prefer if you called me 'Lex'."

"You are quite extraordinary, Darling."

"Don't be naive," Lex scoffed after I had challenged him in Cadmus. "Do you really believe you are the only one being used in this partnership?"

"Pyrrha, you matter. Don't ever forget that."

"Alright, Pyrrha. Congratulations on becoming one with the Light."

"But, Darling, you aren't equal. You are a god. Can't you see that?"

"I gotta say, kid," Joker grinned at me as we escaped Arkham. "Thanks for bailing me out. But why'dja do it?"

"There are no heroes and villains." Lex said to me after I found out he made me free Joker to test my resolve. "There are just people trying to attain what they want and deciding whether they will be held back by imaginary morals or not."

"If you have the means," Audrey said as we talked in the coffee shop, "you kinda have a duty to protect those who need it."

"Don't fall apart, Pyrrha."

"It would be a shame to lose our attack dog on it's first outing," Queen Bee whispered to me before our attack on Metropolis. "You still need to be punished for taking Kobra out of the fight."

"You not wanting to be a god is what makes you one, Darling. And don't you ever see yourself as less than I see you."

"What is it, Pyrrha? Afraid to feel something?"

"We mourned you!" Kaldur yelled at me. "I mourned you. Starling, you know we would never abandon you. I wouldn't allow that."

"Come home, Star. There's nothing you've done that we can't forgive."

"I don't know who you are but you're not Reg." Nightwing glared at me as Batgirl and Blue Beetle removed an unconscious Aqualad from between us. "The Reggie I know would never hurt Tim or Bruce. Or me."

"I don't want to be professional with you, Darling."

"What are you doing to me, Pyrrha?"

"And I am supposed to believe you are the monster you claim?" Kaldur accused as we confronted each other in his dad's ship. "You aren't as dark and ruthless as you want them to believe."

"Breathe with me, Star," Kaldur's voice was calm and I could feel his breath on my ear. His arms held me tight to his chest as he inhaled and exhaled for me to follow. "You are not alone. I am not leaving you."

"What did you to him, Reggie?" Jason scowled at me in Gotham Cemetery. "What the hell did you do to pay him back for what he did? He took me from Bruce, from Alfred... from you. Bruce did nothing but what you did was worse."

"When someone has a superior product," Lex said as we sat for a Valentine's brunch, "instead of competing them, you join them. Become invaluable and merge companies."

"If you ever need anything, I will always be here for you, Star."

"Why would you be with him, Star?"

"I believed you were worth saving."

"Oh, Darling, you've lost your edge. You like the pain and agony. You like it because you believe you deserve it."

"Are you still Lost? In me?"

"You are going to die, Reggie. Luthor is going to kill you."

"I never said I loved you."

"Don't you think you've done enough, _Pyrrha_? Leave this to the heroes."

"How is it that I'm _still_ picking up after your messes? I'm so sick of seeing your fingerprints all over everything that's going wrong. Why are you always one slip up from ruining everything?"

"He's a hero, Darling. Heroes die."

"You knew I would hurt you-- _I_ knew that I would hurt you--and you still stayed with me."

"Who do you have if not me!? You are as _bound_ to me as I am to you!"

"Tell you what, Ms. Hayden," Bruce Wayne said as we sat in his car that I stole. "As a way of making up the fact that you abducted me,allow me to extend an invitation to spend the night at my estate. It's far too cold for you to be out and there's more rooms than I know what to do with. I can't just dump you back onto Gotham's streets."

... I opened my eyes slowly. The skyscrapers around me reached to the sky as if they were preventing me purposefully from seeing the stars one last time. I never hated the city more than in that moment.

"Is that Pyrrha?"

"Where has she been?"

"She fell from LexCorp's building!"

"Was she _attacking_ Luthor?"

"Wait, I thought they were a couple."

"I heard they broke up."

"OMG, _when_?! I have to Google this."

"Take my picture!"

"Are you recording this?"

"Quick, think of a good hashtag!"

" _Jesus_ , would someone just call 911!"

"It's okay! I just tweeted Metropolis PD. I've already got twenty retweets."

Faces and the backs of phones loomed over me. Images of Lex and Marina forced their way into my mind and I wasn't sure which hurt worse--my heart or my body. As soon as I tried to get up, I screamed out and decided my body won that toss up. Hands down.

"Pyrrha," a male voice spoke softly next to me but my eyes were so swollen that I couldn't see well. He placed a hand on my shoulder and gently stopped me from getting up. "You gotta stay down until help comes."

This stranger didn't know me at all except for my public appearances and my anti-Justice League propaganda. He didn't know that if I was taken to a hospital, Lex and Marina would kill me there. I had no help coming. I was alone.

_'I will always be here for you, Star.'_

_Kaldur. I have to get to a zeta._

Slowly, I tried to fly but flying isn't as easy as one would think. It requires balance and with one eye out of commission and the other showing nothing but blurs and blobs, I fell to the ground after only a few feet.

"Please, miss. Stop moving," the man whispered.

"Are you getting this?"

"Live streaming it, bro! Look, it's trending!"

 _Stupid, putrid humans. They don't deserve to evolve. They deserve to be enslaved by Darkseid_.

I growled to mask the pain as I got up and began dragging my broken leg to the nearest zeta... three blocks away.

My mind focused only on getting to the booth. If I gave any attention to the pain, I would be as good as dead. People took video and pictures of me but no one offered to help--not that I would've accepted it, anyways.

As I turned the corner to the alley where the zeta was located, the amateur paparazzi followed. I breathed in deep, feeling my bones crack in my chest and let loose a wall of fire to scare the rubberneckers enough to give me privacy. Quickly, I slipped into the phone booth that was inconspicuously tucked in between two buildings.

Sirens could be heard getting closer and a motorcycle revved in the distance as I closed the door and pressed the code into the old phone, feeling the familiar habit cone back almost instantly.

"Please work," I whispered as the computer scanned me.

"Recognized: Pyrrha." _Shit_. "ERROR: Access Denied."

"Override: Code 10 Injured Citizen. Request for video link to Watchtower." The words came back to me so fluidly, it was as if I had never stopped being Jet Starling. However, my painfully crushed spine reminded me that I was not her anymore.

The red light scanned my body for injuries but a foreboding buzzer beeped twice, making my heart begin to beat rapidly. I didn't have many more chances.

"Request Denied. Scan Shows Hostile Personnel."

I began getting pissed. Someone had to be alerted by now enough to override the stupid computer.

"Override! Code 217! I demand a video link!"

"Request Denied. Leave Area."

I began to sob as my pain and fear overwhelmed me.

"Please," I begged. Everything hurt--my head, my heart, my body. "The Light is going to kill me if you don't help."

There was a silence and I dared to let my hopes up. Sounds of sirens began to loudly echo as they drove past to LexCorp Tower.

"Defense Maneuver Activated."

Fear was now the only thing I felt as I looked up at the camera. I knew I couldn't survive what would come next and my injuries prevented me from being able to escape. I only could think of being able to do one last thing before I died. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I accepted my fate.

"Kaldur," my voice trembled. "I'm sor--"

 

* * *

 

**WATCHTOWER**   
**Jul 4, 22:30**

The teams of young heroes had all dispersed with my orders and it was only me left to discuss plans with a few members of the League.

The computer chimed an alert and I couldn't help but wish the criminals would just celebrate the night like everyone else so I could ease back into my leadership role.

" _Attempted Breech. Location: Metropolis Business District_."

"Do we have any missions there?" Wonder Woman asked.

"None of my teams," I responded. _LexCorp Tower is in that area._

Martian Manhunter pulled up the video feed and my blood ran cold. It was Star, but her face was swollen, bruised, and bleeding. Even her glow pulsed erratically.

"What happened to her?" Superman asked out loud. The League was as in shock as I was at her state.

" _Override: Code 10 Injured Citizen. Request for video link to Watchtower._ " Her voice was assertive but she was trembling.

"Let her in," I said quietly as the scan pulled up her injuries. Fractured vertebrae, femurs and ulnas, a snapped clavicle and massive internal bleeding were just the beginning of it.

"This could be a trap, Aqualad," Batman growled.

"Does it _look_ like a trap?!" I yelled but was met only with indifference.

" _They're going to kill me..._ " My heart broke as Star began to cry.

"J'onn, turn off the defensive system," Wonder Woman said.

"I'm trying. We had to change procedures after she defected."

"Just bring her up!" I demanded.

"She's in the Light," Batman said. "You bring her here, you put us _all_ in danger."

"Listen to yourselves!" Flash scolded. "Her poor choice in friends doesn't mean we get to choose whether or not to protect her."

"She's a criminal," Green Lantern said.

"She's my _friend_!" I yelled.

"You just got the Team back," Aquaman grabbed my shoulder. "Don't throw it away for her."

"J'onn?" Wonder Woman said quietly. He stepped back from the keyboard where he was furiously typing and shook his head.

"It's too late."

" _Kaldur._ " I turned to the screen at hearing Star's scared voice. " _I'm sor--_ "

" _Transmission Lost._ "

 

* * *

 

**METROPOLIS**   
**Jul 4, 22:20**

"Dammit!" I cursed as I weaved on my bike through the jammed up traffic. "I'll never get there in time."

A year ago today, my nightmares stopped being about my own demons and became completely focused on Reggie. I pushed them away believing they were a product of my grief after her death. Then, the new player arrived on the scene.

She was terrifying, angry, strong as hell, and how she thought those who loved her wouldn't recognize her was beyond me. Reggie's anger and new persona pissed me off. She had no right to be angry. After her stunt with letting Joker free, I gave up on her but the nightmares didn't stop.

When I saw her kneeling at my completely ridiculous headstone in Gotham Cemetery, I'd be lyin' if I said I wasn't a little weak in my resolve to give up on her. It wasn't until after she began talking and reaching for something--or someone--that wasn't there that I knew that Pyrrha was just a mask. Reggie was still inside and she was like me--haunted by something we touched on the other side.

So we argued a bit, as we normally did, but I couldn't stay mad at her. When I asked about the deal with Luthor, I wished I hadn't. Reggie had always had an odd taste in relationships--she said there was a term for it but I don't remember--and knowing she chose to be with that son of a bitch pissed me off. Yeah, maybe I was jealous. Sue me. But he didn't deserve her. How could he just watch her fall apart in front of him and not help her?

Word got out that the king and queen of Metropolis were playing house and I couldn't sit back any longer. I told Reggie the truth about her beloved Lex. I hoped that I'd get some kinda enjoyment from lifting the veil off of her eyes but all it did was show me how fragile her mask was. There was my Reggie--still lonely and desperate for love and acceptance.

Then, she disappeared.

Months went by. No one could find her or no one seemed to give a damn. When the Reach left, she resurfaced but she was different. Broken. I knew exactly what--or who--she blamed herself for. Nothing I said could save her. She needed to save herself.

Especially since talks of a coup within the Light were spreading like wildfire.

I sped to Metropolis once I heard about it but I arrived at her apartment too late. The entire building was up in flames and three ice metas were being hauled away. If Pyrrha survived, I knew exactly where her addicted heart would take her next. Not once in her pretty head would she think it through that **he** was in on it.

I kept my eye on the quiet skyscraper as I maneuvered between cars. It wasn't long until a red glow shot from the top of the LexCorp Tower and plummeted to the street.

_No!_

I forced my way onto the sidewalk and made a quicker way through the celebrating masses to my friend.

By the time I got to LexCorp Tower, the lack of spectators showed that Reggie wasn't still lying on the sidewalk. I looked at the faintly glowing blood on the crushed concrete and saw a trail led from it. I revved my bike, pissed that the idiot was moving after a fall like that.

The glow was easy to follow as I sped down a couple of blocks. I looked up just in time to brake before hitting a group of screaming assholes who ran past me. If the smell of burned hair and lack of eyebrows on a few of the morons didn't explain what happened, the smoldering entrance to an alley did.

Just as I was about to turn the corner and follow her, an explosion funneled out of the compact space and threw me off of my bike. My ears were ringing as I scrambled from under my bike and ran into the fire and searched the rubble.

A fading red glow caught my eye and I saw Reggie's arm. I carefully lifted the slabs and crap off of her but I froze as I saw a pool of glowing blood grow underneath her. My jaw clenched tight as I tried to calm myself but seeing her mangled body hit me harder than I thought.

I knelt down and checked her breathing and her pulse. Both weren't good. I had no clue how to help. I had no back up, no special powers to help her, and I couldn't call for an ambulance.

"Reggie," I whispered, my voice cracking slightly as I took her hand in mine. "I'm here. You aren't alone. Just stay with me."

Her eyes began to open slightly and her glowing red veins flickered.

"J-Ja--" She coughed and glowing red blood spurt from her mouth as she began to choke on it. I became the helpless fourteen year old boy again.

"Don't talk."  
 _I don't know what to do_  
"Just stay with me."   
_Don't go. Don't leave me again_  
"Stay awake."

A shadow flew over us and I looked up to see Wonder Woman coming down. Relief flooded my body and I leaned to Reggie's ear as her eyes fluttered shut.

"Give them a chance to save you, Reggie," I whispered. I leaned back up and watched Wonder Woman warily. She looked at me strangely and I realized I was wearing my red helmet. I had already made a name for myself in certain areas and I'm sure she was wondering how I fit into all of this.

"She can't stay here. You can't take her to a hospital. If you leave her on Earth, the Light will find a way to finish the job and if she dies, I'm going to hold _you_ responsible." The Amazonian scowled at me but let me continue. "You _have_ to take her to the Watchtower."

"You have my word that we will do what we can," she said as she came forward and scooped up Reggie. I grew worried when she didn't make a sound even though I knew nearly every bone must have been grinding together at that moment. Wonder Woman nodded to me and flew away to leave me alone and standing in a glowing pool of blood, surrounded by burning rubble, with sirens blaring all around me.

Oh, and don't forget the celebratory fireworks to offset the tragedy of the moment.

Maybe it needed to happen. Maybe it was the only way she could get away from him.

I chuckled to myself as I walked to back to my bike.

"Happy Independence Day, Reggie."


	27. Found

_What doesn't kill you, makes you wish you were dead_   
_What doesn't destroy you, leaves you broken instead_

**WATCHTOWER**   
**Jul 10, 20:50**

I touched the gauze bandages as I sat in the wheelchair my handler abandoned me in. I didn't blame him. The world almost ended because of me. Kid Flash died because of the Light's machinations. Bandages or not, I was the enemy. It didn't matter that Black Canary tried to remind me I had friends. They took me in because they had to.

After all, I knew where Savage was going with the Warworld. When he arrived with our special friend, I would get my revenge. I wasn't going to let these goody two shoes ruin that.

_Lex._

Flashes of Lex and Marina together made me shut my eyes tight and grit my teeth as I begged the wave of calm to crash over me.

That wasn't him. Lex was a monster but he didn't just sleep with people he had no feelings for. He was just at my door asking me to be at his side again, to try again. In not so many words, he admitted he cared and wanted another chance.

But he lied to me before. He spied on me. He used me. He controlled me. He locked me away for months. The Lex I fell in love with wasn't real. As much as I hated it, Bruce was right. I saw what Lex wanted me to see.

Because of him, I now sat in the Watchtower surrounded by heroes who blamed me for a multitude of crimes--whether they openly said it or not. I was a wounded fox in the hen house being tended to by chickens. Angry, mourning chickens with superpowers who were barely tolerating a wounded, heartbroken fox.

My bones had healed but my heart would not. The blackness felt like it would consume me. Audrey--or Regina--was gone. It was only me inside. Again, I cheated death only to come out alone.

But what was the point? Why was I still alive? What did I possibly have to offer anymore? Where did I go from here? I had no purpose, no allies, and I had a hit on me.

I buried my head in my hands and sobbed quietly.

_I'd be better off dead._

 

* * *

 

_When you're too in love to let it go_   
_But if you never try you'll never know_   
_Just what you're worth_

A familiar scent alerted me that I wasn't alone anymore. When I lifted my head I saw a small snowglobe in front of me. Actually, it was more of a beachglobe.

Inside the round glass were miniature shells resting on painted sand with a little beach house and a lounging chair. On the globe's stand was scrawled: 'Life's A Beach'.

A laugh bubbled out of me and I took the globe and shook it. The small shells swirled in the liquid and fell haphazardly around the house.

I set it in my lap and bit my lip to control my glow as I turned to see the most welcome smile.

"Hey, Tats."

"Hello, Star."


	28. A/N: Thank You!

Phew! Roller coaster of emotions, right? Sorry for all the feels. So here's the unveiling for the cover for Book 3.

* * *

 

* * *

Prepare yourself for fluff. All the fluff that can be stuffed.

Please leave comments, kudos, subscribe, all that. Stay whelmed!

 


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